Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something that truly disgusts Me – the fucking stupid butt-fucking slanty-eyed continent of Asia.
Asia is a huge FUCKING waste of space and I despise every last FUCKING country, animal* and heathen-commie-bastard living there. However, I don’t hate the topography. Unlike Africa – which I am deeply, deeply ashamed of – I’m actually kind of satisfied with the land I made in Asia (with the exception of the Russian, Mongol and Kazakhstani areas).
No, it’s strictly the people and the governments of Asia I FUCKING loathe. Why you ask? Because they don’t FUCKING Worship Me! I mean, for FUCK-Sake! I’m only the FUCKING Flawless Creator of the Entire FUCKING Universe, but do they FUCKING care? No, they totally FUCKING ignore Me.
And what do they do instead? Waste their FUCKING time worshipping FUCKING impudent philosophers and smelly 4-armed bitches and all kinds of other STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT.
But you know what really, just absolutely FUCKING kills me about Asia? The crazy number of people there that spend their whole lives just blatantly FUCKING ignoring My Existence. It’s the largest continent on My Planet and it contains over 60% of all FUCKING human life. THAT’S 4 BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! And I, The Almighty Lord, only have a pitiful 25 million followers in the entire stupid FUCKING continent!!!
Absolutely FUCKING pathetic. But ya know, I can’t help but feel that it’s partially My Fault. Maybe if I hadn’t wasted so much FUCKING time focusing solely on Israel back in the old days, maybe if I had just diversified more, I wouldn’t have this FUCKING problem today.
And there is no FUCKING converting these pagans either! I know, I’ve tried. I’ve sent wave after wave of My most intimidating FUCKING missionaries there, all to no FUCKING avail. Did you know worship of Me is FUCKING banned in China? It’s FUCKING true!
I tell you, it’s FUCKING frustrating. As a result, I mostly try to smite Asians as much as I FUCKING can. I’m always smiting them with tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanoes and plagues and small penis. Why, just last week I hit up China with a FUCKING ‘quake and Myanmar with a FUCKING Cyclone. Even still, I only managed to kill a measly 120,000 FUCKING Asians. Great. Only another FUCKING 3,999,880,000 more to go.
*I’m the reason Pandas won’t fuck to save their species. I fucking hate Pandas.