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#15 Science

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Your Super-Handsome, Mega-Wonderful Creator

In this entry I will focus on something that makes Me so mad, I just can’t even…say it…aargghh!! DAMN YOU SCIENCE! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Whew…ok…I feel better now. I always feel a lot better after damning things I hate to hell. And I think this blog-therapy has really been paying off in My Temper lately. Like, a couple of hours ago I could’ve totally killed this dumb baby I hate, but I was like, whatevs! I’ll let it live. For now.

But back to the subject at hand – stupid damned pagan science!

I, the Lord your God, despise science and all things sciencey. Scientists, the scientific method, laboratories, lab rats, the periodic table, Bill Nye – they’re all going to hell when they die.

Facts, evidence, hypotheses – BAH! These things show a disturbing lack of faith in My Divine Wisdom.

I mean, the gall! The utter gall it takes for man to try to figure out the universe I created. I gotta say, it’s pretty galling!

Put yourself in My Position. Imagine you made your very own ant-farm. You designed it from top to bottom, filled it with ants, and set about the joy of watching them kill each other. And then what do your stupid ants do? Get all sciencey and stuck-up on you!

Ugh. I hate every last one of those smug, self-satisfied scientists. Think they’re so smart! You probably think they’re smart too. Smarter than Me even. Well you’re not gonna think they’re so smart after they accidentally blow up the planet this summer. Yup, you won’t be thinking much at all after that, because you’ll be dead.

Well anyway, there’s just not enough time for Me to discuss the many things I hate about science in this post. Just know that in general, I hate science.

It is dumb. Really, really, really, really dumb. And it’s never proven anything.

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