Posts Tagged ‘Prayers’

Pray to God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

In this new monthly feature, the faithful readers of My Divine Blog are granted the opportunity to send Me exactly one prayer request.

Just think of it! This allows you, a puny mortal, the incredible opportunity to bypass all the infinite bureaucracy and mularky associated with normal praying and ask The Lord Almighty directly for a favor! No more begging that whore Mary for help! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!

Naturally, you will be expected to follow the usual protocol I expect. All prayers must begin with ‘Dear’ and some variation of praise unto Me, His Beautiful Handsome Awesomeness, The Almighty Lord your God. You must then humbly send Me your prayer, and be sure to give proper respect throughout by capitalizing all mentions of My Wondrous Person. And verily, when your prayer is concluded, you must thank The Lord profusely and then say ‘Amen.’ If you follow these rules I have laid before you, I promise I will answer your prayer. If you do not follow these rules, I promise I will not answer your ‘prayer.’

So go ahead mortal, pray to Me!

Disclaimer: Although all prayers are answered, they are very often not the answer you desire.

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