Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In this entry I want to talk about someone I hate so much I would like to kill him, and resurrect him, and just keep continually killing him for the rest of time in as infinitely many ways possible. The person of whom I speak, is, of course, George W. Bush.
Yes, that’s right, I, The Almighty Lord your God, hate George Bush too. But probably not for the same reasons you do. I could not possibly care less about the American economy, the price of oil, or all the American troops and citizens that are now dead directly because of Bush. I…JUST…DON’T…CARE! Ok?!
Nope, I hate Bush for far, far more serious reasons. For one thing, he’s dirty! As you well know, cleanliness is close to Me. Well Bush refuses, absolutely refuses, to shower every week. He rarely brushes his teeth (unless Laura does it for him) and never washes his hands after he poos. His handlers just slap extra makeup on him and that nasty little cuss walks around all day shaking hands with world leaders using hands he just used to wipe his ass. I tell you, the sick freak actually gets off on it.
That’s another thing – George Bush masturbates, constantly! Masturbation is one of the things I strictly forbid, and Bush just can’t stop torturing his one-eyed pants detainee. On average, President Bush jerks off two to three times a day. And the worse off America is, the more he does it! Disasters and recession have a way of making Bush horny. He becomes intensely sexually aroused at the idea that the world needs him to save it – 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina sent Bush into a masturbating frenzy.
But besides the fact that he’s a filthy pervert, he’s also unpleasant and annoying on a personal level. I hate him so much! I just can’t stand to even look at his stupid face. More than anything though, I hate his stupid laugh! It’s unbearable! The mere sound of it makes Me want to toss him off a cliff and dash his brains on the rocks below!
Also…he’s the kind of person who will make promises and get your hopes all up nice and high, only to get wasted drunk and let you down in the end. Have you ever been burned really bad by someone you thought was your friend? Ok, well that’s kind of what happened with Me and George W.
Truth is, I used to think he was a swell guy. I mean, I was close with his dad and had promised to make his descendants rulers and stuff many years back. And so I watched George Jr. grow up with interest. I even did coke with him a bunch of times in college, and when he killed this old lady with his car one night, I protected him and made it all go away.
And so, when the time came in 2000, I used My Powers to make him King of America. And for a while, everything was hunky-dory. I would tell him what to do, and he’d do it. Thing was, I made him pinky-swear not to tell anybody. And what did that asshole do, just two years later? He betrayed Me (of course!) and told everyone I had told him to invade Babylon! He also began worshiping the pagan “god” Molech and even sent money and aid-relief to the heathen continent of Africa!
After everything I had done for that retard, that was how he repaid Me! Well, I immediately stopped giving him pointers and it’s all been downhill for him since then. Everyone hates him now, and everyone will continue to hate him for the rest of time. When he dies from not wearing his seatbelt in 2012, he’s going straight to hell and everyone will make jokes about him being a dumbass. That’s what you get you stupid jerk!