Posts Tagged ‘Law’

#13 Cops

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Your Super-Handsome, Mega-Wonderful CreatorIn this entry I will focus My Divine Rage on a species of human I have long hated – cops.

Their very existence is evil in My Sight because Only I, the Lord your God, have the power to enforce laws and punish the wicked.

Also though…I got some bad history with cops (or pigs* as I like to call them).

See back in Roman times, when I was walking around Earth as teen Jesus, the pigs loved giving Me a hard time. Every time I went to market, there they were, following Me around just ‘cause I had long hair and wore sandals.

And it didn’t stop as I got older either. Man, those pigs had it out for Me. Every town I went to they’d be waiting to take Me in for ‘questioning.’ That means they gave Me beatings.

It didn’t seem to matter how many miracles I performed or how many people I cured – motherf#$%ing pigs never gave me a moments rest. Ended up crucifying My Ass.

Of course, they were just jealous of My Fly God powers. Stupid pigs spend their whole lives thinking they’re Me, just ‘cause they got a badge and a gun. But they’re not. Shit…they ain’t shit.

Pigs gotta lotta nerve.

*This is why the ancient Jews thought they couldn’t eat pork. One time I was telling Moses how I hate pigs and he got confused.

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