Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
On this primary Tuesday, I’d like to take some time from My busy schedule of rigging the election to talk about someone I hate with a passion – Hillary Clinton.
Why do I hate her so much? I don’t know. Not really sure. Just something about her I don’t like I guess.
Maybe it’s because she’s a woman. That’s a big strike against her already because as I discussed last week, I, the Lord your God, hold an eternal grudge against women.
Or maybe it’s her wrinkly, disgusting face. Or the way her eyes bulge out of her head when she gets angry. Or her incredible fat ass.
Or it could be because she’s so fake. Or because she’s such a conniving bitch. Then again, maybe I hate her because her domestic policies are so full of flaws.
Oh, I’ve already arranged to have her remembered for all time as the most famous cheated-on wife ever. But I have even more in store for Hillary.
I’m going to use all My Godly Powers to make sure she loses the only thing she’s ever cared about (becoming Emperor) to some smiley-faced black guy who can talk pretty.
This outrage will drive her crazy for the rest of her life. And I’m going to let her live till the age of 103! They’ll still be making Lewinsky jokes then.