Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Your Super-Handsome, Mega-Wonderful Creator

Whores! Sluts! Jezebels! Tramps! Skanks! She-Devils! Hoes! Harlots! Self-Absorbed Buck-Toothed Money-Grubbing Cum-Dumpsters!

These are but just a few of the Divine terms I use to describe the disgusting cunts that make up the stars and fans of one of the most sinful television shows in history, Sex and the City.

Long have I watched this wicked show corrupt the minds of young women to somehow make them even more selfish, dumb and slutty than they already are. And long have I vowed to infect every one of them with the Herpes!

I tell you mortals, it’s dreadful shows like this that make being omnipresent truly unbearable. I, The Lord GOD Almighty, have had no choice but to watch every last fucking episode and repeat of Sex and the City shown on TV for the last ten fucking years. Not only that, I’ve also had to watch every stupid fucking cunt alive watch this stupid fucking show and love every stupid fucking minute of it. Just one more reason I utterly despise women.

And if that was not enough human, were you aware that they just released a movie as well? Yeah, I’ve been to every showing of it worldwide and already seen it over 25 million times. I swear, if I have to fucking watch Mr. Big stand up Carrie at her own fucking wedding one more fucking time, I might just lose My Holy Shit and have all four of those actresses simultaneously decapitated in freak accidents. Or perhaps I’ll just alter reality and make that the new ending to the movie.

Stupid women like to watch this stupid show and take notes on how to live their lives and how to dress. LAME! Just look at the clothing those repulsive, dried-out old hags are wearing in the picture at the top of this post. Just what in the hell are they wearing there?! Any honest, Me-fearing woman would be mercilessly mocked and stoned to death by her congregation if she went out in public wearing such absurd outfits.

It feels rather strange for Me to ask this question, but how could women be so stupid? How could they worship a show so completely devoted to materialism and whoring? It makes me wonder if these are the only two things the female humans care about anymore. Indeed, if the show is to be believed, there seems to be no limit to the amount of fresh clothing and fresh penis a modern horse-faced woman needs.

According to Sex and the City, all women can be put into one of four categories, as represented by the four main characters. Let’s examine these female archetypes in more detail. We have:

1. Carrie: a slut-whore-bitch obsessed with shoes and clothing.
2. Miranda: a whore-bitch-cunt obsessed with shoes and work.
3. Charlotte: a bitch-cunt-ditz obsessed with shoes and babies.
4. Samantha – a cunt-ditz-slut obsessed with shoes and penis.

Hmm…you know, now that I think about it, that’s actually pretty accurate.

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#14 American Idol

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Your Super-Handsome, Mega-Wonderful Creator

Today I would like to talk about the most evil, stupid show on television today – American Idol.

I hate American Idol. It’s blatantly blasphemous! For the love of Me, it’s got Idol right in the name!

Remember? Idolatry? One of the ten things I banned way back when?

You have all completely forgotten the first and second commandments:

1. You shall have no other gods before Me
You shall not make for yourself an idol

Must I remind you that the point of all existence is to worship Me?! You people put TV before Me, and then dedicate all your time to making new idols. Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks – all demons sent from hell to distract you from how Awesome My Singing Voice is!

And let’s not forget the ‘judges.’ Simon Cowell is a pompous asshole who beats his wife, Paul Abdul is a pill-popping cum-guzzling gutter-slut, and Randy Jackson is a fat bastard who murdered a guy once. And Americans worship this three-headed monster three nights a week and then sleep in on Sundays.

That’s another thing I hate about American Idol – the crazy numbers it gets. It averages 30 million heathen viewers every show. That’s roughly 90 million more American souls I have to damn to hell every week!

And America used to be My Favorite Country too. They used to print on the money, “In God We Trust.” I really liked that. It was flattering.

Yup, I used to bless the U.S.A. whenever I was asked. But no more. Now I curse this land of apostasy! You have American Idol to thank for that.

For the record, I have no problem with Ryan Seacrest. He’s actually pretty cool.

Note: I also don’t like how American Idol raises money to help Africa.

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