Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I was watching American television last night, looking for blasphemous people and things to judge and smite (as I am wont to do), when I stumbled upon one of the most evil things I have ever seen – the Microsoft commercial that shows Bill Gates buying shoes.
In the six thousand years since I created this Universe, I have seen some truly appalling things; an adorable 3-year-old boy twisted inside out after being pushed onto subway tracks by a jealous rival …the tragic detonation of nuclear weapons on only Nagasaki and Hiroshima…a Nun’s vagina.
And then there is this. I’ve seen every commercial since the inception of television, and I declare this the worst one ever made! This…commercial…is…AN ABOMINATION TO GOD!
First and foremost, it features that malevolent demon Bill Gates, who fights My Divine Will by giving billions and billions of dollars to the Me-forsaken continent of Africa. He does more than any other one person on Earth to help keep Africans alive. PISSES ME OFF!
Secondly, it stars Jerry Seinfeld, who used to be mildly amusing to Me, but who has now obviously become a servant of Satanus.
This commercial was in no way enlightening or entertaining. IT SICKENS ME!
The disgusting smugness, the pretentious pomposity, the limitless pride felt by the despicable people of the Microsoft Corporation…made the LORD puke his fucking guts out all over Mary’s stupid face.
STUPID…MICROSOFT…ASSHOLES! THINK…THEY’RE SO…SMART! 😡
And, as if directed by Satanus himself to enrage Me…that gay little butt-shake done by Gates at the end of the commercial…makes Me want to kill every fricking first, second and last-born child on the planet. ARRRGH!
Perhaps My Righteous Rage is compounded by all the trouble I’ve been having with My Windows OS lately, but at any rate, Microsoft will pay for this! Bill Gates will pay for this as well. They will all pay for this! THE SWIFT AND TERRIBLE VENGEANCE OF THE LORD’S MIGHTY SWORD IS UPON YOU NOW.
DIE HEATHEN SCUM!