Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
I was going to write about something else today, when in the process I was interrupted about seventeen times by this bothersome pest of a program called ‘Norton AntiVirus.’ Suffice to say, I, The LORD your GOD, found something I hate even more right now than kids with down syndrome.
I HATE Norton AntiVirus! It is the most maddening computer program I have ever faced. It threatens and bothers you, it interrupts and sticks its pesky little nose into everything you do on your computer. So what’s the problem you ask? Why not just smite the program? Well you impertinent little whelp, it’s not that easy.
It pains Me to admit this, but after several thousand attempts over the course of the last decade, even I, The Almighty LORD, in all My Bountiful Omniscience and Omnipotence, have been unable to uninstall Norton AntiVirus from Mine Own Holy Hard Drive…because deleting Norton is, in fact, fucking impossible.
It seems those minions of Satanus over at Microshaft fused this demon Norton into the old magic of all their Winblows software packages long ago. BASTARDS!
Now, if you use a Macintosh computer, as Jesus does, it’s likely you may have never heard of Norton. But if you’re old school like Me and use a PC, then Norton is the bane of your existence.
For some, Norton is attempting to scare you into purchasing yet another ‘critical’ update of their ‘product’ even as you read My Divine Words right now. For others, Norton is admonishing you once again for trying to turn it off. And yet for even more others, Norton is judging you right now for trying to download music, porn, or musical porn for free.
What’s worse, this Norton character grows in power and influence everyday. I tried to locate him on Earth, but learned that this antivirus program was not named after a person at all. I can only assume Norton is some rival deity in league with Satanus to hack into My Computer and take over Heaven.
DAMN YOU NORTON! DAMN YOU!!