Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I spent all day and all night playing this videogame sent to Me by one of My minions:
At first I was thrilled. I love what the creators did in how they depict Me. In the game I look strong and have powerful moves. However, after playing for the last 15 hours straight, I have been unable to advance past that clit-cutting sand-fucker Mohammed. See, he does this thing where he turns invisible and before I know it My character is dead. It doesn’t matter what difficulty level I play on either.
Now before I get the inevitable question – how could you lose God? Aren’t you all-powerful? Yes, this is true. I don’t have to lose, but I like to suspend My powers while I play games that intrigue Me. It kind of takes the fun out of the diversion when you know you can’t lose. But back to the point.
I need help beating that terrorist asshole Mohammed. Is anyone here good at videogames? I have no trouble bitchslapping the rest of the competition with My Right Cross and My Pillar of Fire, I’m just struggling to beat that fugly dune coon Mohammed. I command you, My Followers, to play this game and defeat the enemies of the LORD.
If you do happen to get past that butt-fucking faggot Mohammed, I will reward you by granting you one wish-prayer of your choosing.