Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Hello mortals. I saw this news story while googling Myself today and so I thought I’d share it:
Don’t bother reading it. It basically says that 92% of Americans believe in Me. Isn’t that great?
This makes Me quite happy. Sure, ideally it would be at 100% (or at least 99%), but 92% is still pretty damn good. However, I was upset that only half the people go to church every Sunday. Lame. Not only is that disrespectful to Me, but that’s a lot of tithings down the drain. I was also peeved about the tolerance towards other ‘religions,’ but whatever. I don’t want to complain. This is a happy occasion!
I see now that I was wrong to judge Americans so harshly. Their ‘democracy’ is obviously nothing like that of the bullshit-artist, boy-loving Ancient Greeks. And while Americans may be slovenly idiots, at least they’re My slovenly idiots. I haven’t done this in a long time, but today America – I Bless You!