Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Of the many powerful beings roaming throughout My Cosmos, there is one that has provoked My Righteous Anger on countless occasions. I am speaking, of course, about Galactus, the ‘Devourer of Worlds.’
Man, I hate that guy. He keeps eating all the planets I create! All he does is float about the universe and find planets I’ve made that can sustain life and then eat them! What a complete jerk.
For example, a little while back I was working on a life-sustaining planet I had tentatively titled ‘Archeopia.’ Determined not to make the vast number of mistakes I made with Earth, I’d spent a full three months working on this particular planet. I had just finished up the final touches on Archeopia, when I decided to take a half-hour break to go quick check how My Jews were doing. But when I came back, guess what? The planet was gone; Galactus had already come and eaten it. You know, I’d worked really hard on that planet. And like always, that jerk Galactus comes along and just eats it without even asking Me if he could have it.
So naturally, I went and confronted him about it. Galactus claimed he was “really hungry” and didn’t know that it was mine. Whatever. He’s such a liar.
You know, I wouldn’t mind so much if he went around eating non-life-sustaining planets. I don’t spend any time on those – they’re templates. But no! Galactus the Devourer of Cock has to eat the special planets I’ve worked so hard on!
Galactus thinks that just because he’s this huge powerful being that wields the power cosmic that he can do whatever he wants and be an obnoxious, insensitive prick all the time. He yells and curses a lot and pretty much has no regard for anyone else’s feelings. I really hate people like that.
It’s like, who does he think he is, anyway?! His power, although impressive, is nothing when compared to the Divine Power that I, The Almighty Lord, possess in just My Little Pinky Toe. I could totally erase him from existence if I wanted. I just choose not to.
Anyway, Galactus is a feeb and a Me-wannabe. His main enemy has always been the corny lames known as The Fantastic Four, and they’ve thwarted him how many times now? Has to be at least 15-20. Also, his head is frigging tiny and is completely out of proportion with the rest of his body. And he’s ugly. I hate him and I hope he chokes on the next world of Mine he eats.
I, The Almighty Lord, have spoken.