Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about a group of people I loathe – losers who “tried their best.”
You know who I’m talking about here? Losers? Who tried their best? These are the people who attempt to do something, and then they fail? Miserably? And then they tell everyone they “tried their best?”
Well, I hate these people. I tell you now, I have absolutely no use for humans whose best is so shitty. Why? Because there is no room in My Heavenly Kingdom for losers!
Victory! That is what I require! I, The Lord God Almighty, love winners and hate losers. This is why I shower winners with glorious rewards such as money, fame and sex, and severely punish losers with humiliation, bankruptcy and broken toes.
I do not care that you losers think you tried your best. I want to know: why didn’t you win? Why couldn’t you get it done? What’s wrong with you?!
Did you ever consider that maybe – just maybe – it was because I don’t like you and decided you should fail? Why can’t you people ever admit that?
Just once I would like to hear the quarterback for a losing football team say: “I just couldn’t get it done today, because God hates me and decided to damn my efforts. Whatever I did, I’m sorry God! Please forgive me and let me stop throwing interceptions.”
That kind of honesty and humility would be so refreshing, I might actually forgive the stupid jerk and help him win the next time out. But instead, losers always make lame excuses like “I tried my best.” Well, excuses are like the anus – everyone’s got one! Except Me, of course. I have no need for excuses. Or an anus.
That’s another thing, when losers use this excuse, they almost certainly DID NOT “try their best.” They very likely did not come even close to trying their best. In fact, a staggering 73.46% of losers who utter this phrase actually tried their worst. They procrastinated and gave in to weakness at every turn.
Let Me tell you something right here, ok? Saying you “tried your best” used to mean something. It used to mean that you used every last second of time and energy I gave you and pushed yourself to the very brink of death to achieve your goal.
If you do all that, and yet still do not succeed, well then yes, you can hold your head up with pride and say you “tried your best,” and can just count yourself lucky to be one of the countless mediocre sheep of My Flock who exist solely to illustrate how truly special, loved and blessed the winners of this world are.