Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I want to concentrate on something I truly loathe – dancing.
I hate dancing because you stupid mortals are so proud of yourselves when you do it.
You people think you’re so cool when you’re dancing, but you and I both know you look completely foolish. You flop around to and fro without the faintest idea of what you’re doing.
You go out to nightclubs, and try to dance to the music, even though you’ve never heard (even once ) 95% of the terrible songs that are played. You confusedly bump and bop and look around to see if anyone is watching how putrid your dancing is.
Take comfort. They aren’t watching you. They are far too worried about their own dance moves to notice how bad you are. But there is one unlucky person who is watching – Me. I have to watch everything!
But the worst (the worst!) are the people who think they’re good at dancing. They go to clubs and show-off the same silly rehearsed moves they always do so they can glorify themselves in front of the rest of you people who really can’t dance.
But on top of all that, I despise dancing because it encourages atrocious TV shows and movies about it such as: Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, The Evolution of Dance, Footloose, Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Body Rock, Tango, Breakin’, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Roll Bounce, Save the Last Dance, Shall We Dance?, Dance With Me, How She Move, You Got Served, Stomp the Yard, Bring It On, Take The Lead, Feel The Noise, Stepping Out, Step Up, Step Up 2 the Streets…
I tell you, it’s enough to make Me lose faith in Myself.