Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about the most evil, stupid show on television today – American Idol.
I hate American Idol. It’s blatantly blasphemous! For the love of Me, it’s got Idol right in the name!
Remember? Idolatry? One of the ten things I banned way back when?
You have all completely forgotten the first and second commandments:
1. You shall have no other gods before Me
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol
Must I remind you that the point of all existence is to worship Me?! You people put TV before Me, and then dedicate all your time to making new idols. Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks – all demons sent from hell to distract you from how Awesome My Singing Voice is!
And let’s not forget the ‘judges.’ Simon Cowell is a pompous asshole who beats his wife, Paul Abdul is a pill-popping cum-guzzling gutter-slut, and Randy Jackson is a fat bastard who murdered a guy once. And Americans worship this three-headed monster three nights a week and then sleep in on Sundays.
That’s another thing I hate about American Idol – the crazy numbers it gets. It averages 30 million heathen viewers every show. That’s roughly 90 million more American souls I have to damn to hell every week!
And America used to be My Favorite Country too. They used to print on the money, “In God We Trust.” I really liked that. It was flattering.
Yup, I used to bless the U.S.A. whenever I was asked. But no more. Now I curse this land of apostasy! You have American Idol to thank for that.
For the record, I have no problem with Ryan Seacrest. He’s actually pretty cool.
Note: I also don’t like how American Idol raises money to help Africa.