Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I would like to talk about something that has disgusted Me ever since I first saw two curious men discover it – anal sex.
But before I get into that, I’d like to clear up a common misconception.
You know, church leaders are always telling people I hate homosexuals. Not true.
“God hates fags!” they’ll say. “Look it up! It’s in the Bible! God killed every queer in Sodom and Gomorrah!”
While it’s true that technically, yes, I did turn everyone in those towns into ash, it’s only because there was this volcano I totally spaced on. Had absolutely nothing to do with the men there being gay.
On the contrary – I love homos! I love their music, their devotion to cleanliness, and their impeccable fashion sense. In fact, I have several gay friends. Two of the twelve apostles are gay. But not with each other.
So once and for all, let Me be as clear as I can on this:
I do not hate fags. I hate anal.
See the distinction there? I guess I could understand why people get confused. But be you gay or straight, if you do anal you face My Wrath.
Why you ask?
BECAUSE! That’s not what I made dicks for.
I designed the penis, ok? I created it. Me. And that means I get to decide how it gets used.
It’s simple. The penis is for going in (and out) of the vagina. And for peeing your name in the snow. That’s it!
The anus, on the other hand, was designed solely for pooping. Exit. Only.
The penis does not and should not – ever and for any reason – travel into the anus. This is a clear violation.
Don’t get me wrong! It’s ok to be gay. You just can’t have butt-sex.
As far as I’m concerned, love anyone you want. Two men want to get married? Fine. As long as one of them gets a sex-change and has a vagina installed.
But please, no more anal. It’s gross!