Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In this, My first entry, I, The Almighty Lord your God, Awesome and Perfect Creator of the Universe, wish to focus My anger on desperate losers who beg Me for help (only, of course, long after they have messed up their pitiful lives good and proper.)
You see, every soul I put into this world is given an equal chance at success and wonderment. Whether I place you into a wealthy family, the son of football legend John Elway, or whether I make you the 8-legged mutant child of a diseased prostitute in Calcutta, I have given you life and free will – the freedom to choose your own fate. This freedom is a generous gift – a gift that I constantly see being squandered!
Let’s say I place a human baby into a decent family in the United States. By virtue of geography alone, this person has been given more of a chance at a happy life than 99% of the world. And yet I receive more idiotic complaints and ‘prayers’ from the USA than from all other countries in the world combined!
For example, take 31-year-old Mark Brown, of St. Louis, Missouri. I gave Mark life and loving parents, along with many other talents and benefits. Yet tonight, after he found his second wife cheating on him, this despicable lifelong alcoholic and cocaine addict decided to get down on his knees and pray to Me for the first time in 12 years to fix everything for him.
What in the hell does this jerk expect Me to do?! Let him win the lottery? And I get thousands of these kinds of prayers every day.
The simple truth is, if you’re desperate, you deserve it. You have ruined your chance at life. Here’s My advice: take some responsibility and clean up your act. But don’t go begging Me to make things all better, ok?
It’s pathetic! And super lame.