Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Greetings humans. You know, I’ve been rather down in the dumps lately; My latest smite on China only managed to kill a measly 3 babies; sacrilegious scientists are getting ever closer to finding My Divine Particle; and one of My Angels failed to smite these two douchebags for Me. Also, I’m on bad terms with Jesus and that slut-whore Mary right now. But then just when things couldn’t get any worse, I read about this and felt completely restored:
Most Americans Believe in Guardian Angels
I love Americans! They are so good to Me. Sometimes I feel like the American people are MY guardian angels.
No matter how hard I smite them, those wonderful little sheeple just keep on believing in Me! Their faith is truly astonishing.
I can ravage their country over and over and over again with My Hurricane and Tornado Smites, destroy their tallest buildings AND their economy, and even make the entire Universe hate them…and yet they never stop loving Me.
America is indeed a great country. She is like one of those wonderful beaten wives; you can fuck her and beat her and then fuck her and beat her again, and she will just be grateful if you let her live!
The infinite faith Americans put in Me -and in My Army of Angels – makes me very happy. But in reading this article, what makes Me happier still is how they always assume My Angels are on Earth solely for their protection. What a conceited fallacy!
American Angels don't look like this. They are unsightly slobs.
I would put the amount of time the average Angelic foot soldier spends protecting a human to be about 5%, at best. Most of the time they are carrying out various smite missions. Perhaps the reason Americans believe in ‘guardian’ angels is because, like Americans themselves, the Angels I have covering the USA are slovenly and incompetent.
Take the case of these two dirty rock music bastards. I signed a standard form #747 Plane-Crash Smite Order for their deaths, and one of My American Angels screwed up the hit-job because he smoked a fat blunt beforehand. And yet these two rocker idiots (and their fans) will likely attribute their continued existence to the presence of a ‘guardian’ angel. HA!
Americans, you are very lovable little fools. You just keep believing in Me and My Angel Death Squadrons no matter what, ok? I like that. One of these days I will get around to tossing a few more blessings your way. I swear to Me.
But what about poor old Australia?
What are the morphic likenesses of the Angelic Powers? what the fiery? what the anthromorphic? what are the eyes? what the nostrils? what the ears? what the mouths? what the touch? what the eyelids? what the eyebrows? what the prime? what the teeth? what the shoulders? what the elbows and the hands? what the heart? what the breasts? what the back? what the feet? what the wings? what the nakedness? what the robe? what the shining raiment? what the sacerdotal? what the girdles? what the rods? what the spears? what the battle – axes? what the measuring lines? what the winds? what the clouds? what the brass? what the electron? what the choirs? what the clapping of hands? what the colours of different stones? what the appearance of the lion? what the appearance of the ox? what the appearance of the eagle? what the horses? what the varieties of coloured horses? what the rivers? what the chariots? what the wheels? what the so-called joy of the Angels?
This is a brilliant post Almighty God–one of your very best!
But how can there be obese angels when we know that you hate overstuffed, bulging lard-assed fatties?
Is it that America is like the set for the angelic version of The Biggest Loser? I can imagine your fattest, laziest angels having to work off their corpulence doing things for equally fat, ungrateful Americans who think they own the world and can screw it however they like?
It is certainly the case that in Noo Zillund all our angels are slim and curvaceous and look like dusky Gauguin maidens with wings.
Thank you for not inflicting fat ugly angels on your servant Smoggy.
Gentlemen,
As God’s public relations advisor, I advise newcomers to read the older posts before mouthing off. Especially #25, God Hates … Too Many Questions. God really hates questions like “What about blah blah?” and “Why did you blah blah?” and “Would you please blah blah?”
Standard protocol is to wait for the monthly Ask God feature, and come up with ONE really good question.
Poor Americans. They are probably too stupid to believe in their own brains, so they fill it with angels. Problem is, they vote for people like Bush, go to war, die and expect to wake up in heaven. Just like the enemy.
Meanwhile, those who use their brains keep filling their pockets at the expense of the poor believers.
But what really scares me, god, is that you made the majority bloody stupid and them gave them the right to vote. You must hate people above all else, right?
God, I’ve just been reading YOUR wonderful book again, and I am overwhelmed by just how awe inspiring and powerful YOU are. Praise YOU for punishing the unrighteous as specified in Psalm 78 when YOU royally rooted the heathens and “turned their rivers into blood” … “sent divers sorts of flies among them, which devoured them”…”gave up their cattle also to the hail, and their flocks to hot thunderbolts” and YOU “cast upon them the fierceness of YOUR anger, wrath, and indignation, and trouble, by sending EVIL ANGELS among them.”
I used to feel depressed reading about all the terrible shit in the world. But now when I see the news I praise YOU because I know it is YOUR EVIL ANGELS exerting themselves at YOUR command to sow discord and disharmony for our greater good.
Smite us oh thou great Jehovah! Let your angels sow death, disease and discord.
I’m hoping God will Smite this guy: http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/aboutus.aspx
G’Day, Smoggy (or whatever you NZers say). How’s life Down Under and Over?
I tried reading Revelations, but found I liked it better when I borrowed some of Nun’s chiba. How can a lamb have seven horns?
First, you have to believe that one day you’re going to die….
…there’s a good chance that God does exist…
And if He does exist, He probably hates you….
God, I believe that most of Your Angels that are on smiting orders in the southeast are smoking the chiva…
No wonder those two douchebags weren’t made into a permenent stain on that highway….
South Carolina could have used another tourist destination….
Hehehe. “Sheeple.” That’s my new favorite word.
Thanks, God. You’re always creative.
God’s angels have battle fatigue. It’s time for a Surge of new, fresh angels. Send the old ones to heaven so they can recover from PTSD … Post Traumatic Smite Disorder.
not bad, johnson…for a DRUID!!!!!!!!!
Do Druids have angels? Or just protective oak trees?
is it the halibut of protection?
We have FAERIES!!!!!!!!! They’re ever so much better than angels. First, better fashion sense (Curtis-approved). Second, no one expects them to behave well. They are uniformly badass.
Once again demonstrating the superiority of Druidism over Godism.
the only problem, johnson, is that it’s MAKE BE-FUCKIN-LIEVE!!!!
i believe in a magic rainbow unicorn flower!! it’s better than hell!!!
why is everyone’s comments so long?
Faeries? They make a funny sound when I step on them – kinda like a marshmallow squishing. Hope I didn’t get any stuck on my shoe.
Josh, soon cracka will have a short post for you:
‘Die, Josh!’
Yeah … die, Josh!
don’t steal my posts, yoyo!!!
cracka said, “the only problem, johnson, is that it’s MAKE BE-FUCKIN-LIEVE!!!! ”
Sadly, everyone believes their own myths, and laughs at everyone else. Who are laughing at them, for the same reason.
shut up, cracka
LOL, sorry, cracka. I was going to with the classic, ‘Die, Josh, DIE!!!!”, but felt it was too wordy.
Gidday Yo Mama,
God’s blog gets really boring when you guys are in bed wanking, or watching your footy teams lose. I end up talking to some real douche bags like that guy at no. 9–Dial a Turd in–who thinks God hates us. Which is funny, when we know that God really hates a boy like Tyler who has anal with his own mother.
YAR!
why would anyone laugh at my magic rainbow unicorn flower??!!!! die, heretics!!!!
i believe in the myth of logic.
They’re laughing at you cracka … not your mru flower.
doesn’t everyone have pet names for their penises?
there you go, nun, a freebie.
maybe they’re laughing WITH me, smog.
I call my penis the throbbing meat truncheon…
…do boy angels have penises?
[...] God in the News – Guardian Angels September 22, 2008 Posted by Skepdude in Stuff God Hates. Tags: angels, God, Guradian Angels, Religion trackback CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
where is Nun?
where’s wally?
If that is not a photo of an American angel is it perhaps a Brazilian one? This is clearly one of God’s better creations.
If she’s a Brazilian angel she’ll have her crack waxed.
Penis nicknames? Lil’ Yo Yo.
After I’ve had a few drinks, it’s The Throbbing Python of Love.
Did we affront anne? Is she in dudgeon because we dissed the faeries?
Sigh … bored Smoggy returns to his warm Noo Zillun bed with its crusty sheets and wool-clumps to dream of waxing a Brazilian angel.
Goodnight American fatties
(glumphff, snarf) Wha? (Sticks head back in feeding bag.)
Hey, it’s after 11:44 AM, local time.
It’s officially Fall!
I thnk Anne left when I arrived because of our fight over number 600 in the last post, where God took the opportunity to give her a kick-assed smiting.
Fall, Yo Mama? Two things:
1. It’s called Autumn (don’t you watch Barney?)
2. It’s spring here–and a very nice spring thus far. Smoggy’s fava beans are cropping.
so she’s out trying to find one of them badass fairies to give you a good smiting, huh? you better hope nobody’s clapping for tinkerbell….or you’re DEAD!!!
and my ‘footy team’, as you so foreignly refer to it, won yesterday. so did nun’s. they beat what amounts to a high school team, though.
I’ve heard it called ‘Autumn’, but only by blighted people not blessed to live in the USA.
And Spring can’t be starting – it’s Fall all around the world!
I mean, really folks, how could Santa Claus (that overweight symbol of consumerism) ride a sleigh without snow??
Just remember – every time you cry, a fairy dies.
poor curtis. it’s only a matter of time until one of my tears kills him.
Use your power for good, cracka.
And Smoggy, Barney is evil.
Smoggy, I was watching the video when I got this message: “This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Hit Entertainment “.
Oh HA HA HA HAHAHAHA! Abandon all hope, ye who fail to believe in faeries! Especially someone who dares to step on them … wow. Your car keys will go missing, your cell phone will malfunction, your last shot of double malt will disappear mysteriously, and then you will trip on a rubber duckie and break your foot! Or some such.
There’s no such thing as a myth when we’re talking about gods. They’re all real. Which is why you have to be careful which one you pick to worship.
And I actually am trying to get some work done today, so this sermon will continue later. I feel that cracka needs some spiritual guidance.
Yo Yo, every time you cry, a faerie laughs. The worse the tragedy, the more they enjoy it.
Smoggy, it wasn’t you who stole #600 over the weekend. It was a dirty trick by Jealous. So I’m only sending a few faeries to ratchet up the sheep stink in your paddock.
And my footy team won too.
AVAST YE MATEYS!
Damn, what’s that goo leaking out under my shoe?
ARRR!!!
i think what you mean, johnson, is that all of the gods are pretend. so, it’s pretty pointless to spend your whole life worshipping them. except, of course, the one true God of this Divine Blog.
Your Eagles made little piteous fools of the Steelers. Woohoo!!!
Pirate John McCain, last Friday (September 19th) was Talk Like a Pirate Day.
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html
I went to the local drugstore to get a Pirate card, but was too late – apparently, they were all sold out.
15-6 is a blowout now?
I never said it was a blowout. They made fools of them with an old man QB that has seen better days and I hate the Steelers. So, there you go.
THAR SHE BLOWS!
oh. well…………pbbbbbbffffllllllllllttttttttttt!!!!!!
be nice if the seahawks could play the rams every week, eh?
pirate mccain,
some things just aren’t funny.
shut up, ben.
sincerely,
cracka.
yar, sometimes I wonder why I bother plunderin’ at all.
Or maybe Cracka is just so much of an ass that he has to bitch about everything. He might as well have a fucking vagina.
just telling it like it is. if no one tells you you’re stupid, how would you ever know?
maybe nun needs to smoke something and come back in a better mood.
Arr, I hate the sea and everything in it.
Josh,
Please refer to Chapter 15 of my book Heavenly Hierarchy.
http://www.tertullian.org/fathers/areopagite_13_heavenly_hierarchy.htm
well, thanks dionysius, that was long and pointless. do you have anything more offensive to add to the conversation?
15-6 is only a victory if it doesn’t fuck up your QB and your best running back. Which it did.
Stuff God Hates: Philadelphia sports teams
PS Yo Yo: Faeries can’t be crushed. They’re immortal.
That’s all I was doing, Cracka, telling it like it is. You bitch about everything. It’s your character and I’m letting you know that your character makes you look like a whiny bitch.
SMITE !!!
http://www.latimes.com/sports/baseball/mlb/angels/la-sp-angelsfyi22-2008sep22,0,1602922.story
err… I guess I forgot to undo my italicization.
A pseudo smite brings you good luck, cracka. Use it wisely.
wow, you’re good at this make believe thing, nun. maybe you should be a druid after all.
ps- i know my character’s a whiny bitch. i’m an UPPITY CRACKA for fuck’s sake!!
sorry, dionysius, your smiting powers suck.
i’m not an angels fan, johnson, torii hunter left us for money. all those years of love meant nothing to him.
Just so you know, Cracka, if I really thought you were like your character, I would pity everybody who had to live with or around you.
As for my Hawks, mock them if you must and I, too, am hesitant to put too much stock in what I saw yesterday but my QB was accurate and that should give him a nice boost of confidence. That is a positive.
Nun, I hope none of us are like our characters, myself included!
did i mock them?
man, bitches is sensitive.
except for lucifer, yoyo, it’d be cool if that’s how the devil rolls.
Yo,
I don’t see anything wrong with Ben or Josh. Or even Anne for that matter.
I don’t have a real life. I’m a little blue ball with puffy cheeks. Who believes in faeries and the Salmon of Wisdom. No complaints.
Yeah, but fire is the Devil’s only friend. ♫
Nun, that’s why we abuse them.
YAR!!
Oh. Yeah.
And maybe Ben is a little retarded but that means God loves him.
just hates his parents.
Anne is in this video, around the 12 second mark:
You know what would be cool? Going to a football game with God. Or any kind of sporting event, really. God could get all dressed up and wear face paint so no one would even recognize Him. Smoke a few splifs with God, kick back with a few brews and watch a game. What could be more fun than that? Not much, that’s what I think.
she’s fatter than i imagined…and she needs a hot oil treatment. i should have guessed when she mentioned something about boobs flopping in every direction. johnson, nice tits don’t exactly “flop”. and black cats aren’t magic, either.
Where would God sit? 50 yard line, or Skybox?
plus, nun, if things are going poorly you can always talk him into divine intervention.
Nun, on a previous blog, you were saying the red-haired kid should be removed from Weasel’s blog. Why is that?
She scared the holy hell right out of Chris Rock.
Cracka,
Going to a game with God and then pestering God to change the outcome of the game is bad form. Who raised you?
Yo,
50 yard line, first row.
That kid does not represent why women hate men. He represents why women feel sorry for young men trying to figure out women. He doesn’t belong on that blog. I actually do feel really bad for the kid. He’s trying and he’ll end up being ridiculed for it.
slutty nun,
i was raised by racist elitist assholes who use their power and influence to get what they want. again, i’m both uppity and a cracka. thank you.
Nun, agreement. He’s too young to be there – I’m sure he’ll mature.
As long as he doesn’t turn into the Fitzgerald character – is that for real?
99
Thanks, Yo. I wasn’t sure if I was being sappy or not. He’s just so young and he’s not being an ass, he’s being young and inexperienced. I actually haven’t gone back to the blog since I saw him posted there.
That John Fitzgerald guy is exactly the kind of guy that belongs there. He seems to be a real ass. And he’s so proud of his film “career”. It makes me laugh at him.
nun’s vagina has more white cream in it than the little debbie plant.
damn it!! that was supposed to be 100!!
Nun, I stayed away from Weasel’s blog for aawhile when he posted the picture of a grown man in a diaper – I really believe he was MR, and a caretaker took his picture. Cruel.
God,
Please don’t do Your Divine Post Switcheroo that You do so well. I don’t think Cracka shows You enough respect to be blessed with post 100.
Yo,
Yeah, when the people being made fun of deserve it, that’s one thing. Otherwise it’s just mean-spirited and sometimes the comments from the readers are really cruel. But are we hypocritical? I like to think the humor here is different.
ha!! shows what you know, cunny nuny!!! no one shows God more respect than i do!!! you know what i did this weekend? I SMITED! 24/7. i didn’t even sleep. i was busy smiting.
interesting:
http://www.salon.com/env/mind_reader/2008/09/22/voter_choice/?source=yahoo
God,
What’s Your favorite spectator sport? If it’s golf, I don’t want to know.
I think it’s different here – we can reply to each other, no one is copying our pictures and making cruel comments about them.
Confirms just what I’ve thought for a long time… people are fucking idiots. The U.S. is fucked. For everybody watching the U.S. Presidential election… you’re fucked too.
I’m really thinking about God’s Divine Hatred Therapy, Yo. We laugh and laugh at God’s Hate and comment on the irony of it. Are we no different than Weasel and his gaggle of girlies?
we are different because we are holy.
I don’t make fun of anyone but myself.
I should specify that I have no problem with Weasel and his gaggle of girlies. I just don’t think the blog is all that funny. I actually like Weasel, he’s witty and smart.
Hmmmm…maybe Nun, but the blogger behind God’s Blog doesn’t seem to mind.
Cracka – I was thinking about this the other day, i saw some it somewhere about how we live in a post-fact society. all that matters is what you want to believe as true. someone will provide ‘facts’ to back you up. Truthiness!
That’s because you’re gay, Curtis. You know what it feels like. Josh and Ben are probably some kind of “ethnic” which is why they don’t make fun of too many people and when they do, it’s just an attempt to be mean like the rest of us. Cracka and Yo are white males. Sorry, Yo.
Agreement- Weasel’s witty, but his haridan harem of harpies h’aint.
I’m proud to be part of a minority – there’s fewer hetero middle-aged white men every day.
Yo said: “Hmmmm…maybe Nun, but the blogger behind God’s Blog doesn’t seem to mind.”
Sorry, Yo… I’m confused. What does God not mind?
Heh… agreement on the harem. I wasn’t going to say anything because as Josh or Ben has pointed out previously, nothing’s tougher on a vagina than another vagina. I feel vindicated.
Hi Nun, I was referencing your comment: “. We laugh and laugh at God’s Hate and comment…”
Would laughing at God’s blog be laughing at God Almighty? And yet, aside from the occasional Smiting, we don’t suffer much.
So I guess God is aloof.
Evangelist Curtis, if you want, we can make fun of you.
yeah…i’m white. how lame does it get? weird thing about being a white male american hetero is that, even though i (me, not my character) hate the man as much as the next person…i kind of AM the man. don’t get pulled over. people call me “sir”. “ethnics” assume i’m racist. stupid america.
cracka, but we’re not the rich WASP Ivy-Leager twits.
Everybody’s gotta hate someone.
I’ve a friend who’s a state worker. She says, “I hate paying my taxes, and grumble about government waste. But I’m part of the problem! So, I hate myself.”
Wow.
http://www.wlbz2.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=93193
Josh and Ben are some sort of ethnics!?!?!?!?! WTF man!
I’m was just raised super religious and it’s hard for me to shake that “do onto others” stuff. Plus I live in NYC where if you hate gays and minorities, you’ll probably end up working for one.
Good point, Yo. We all lack respect for God and laugh at His Divine Unhappiness. Wow, He really is a forgiving and loving God.
oh and Nun it was me who said women are hard on each other.
Ben stop being like me so Nun can tell us apart!
but…you are racist you white honky bastard!
Sorry, Josh. You are not superior-whitey at all.
Yo, I’d rather you didn’t. I have enough self esteem problems already and if an anonymous man writes something mean about me in the comments section of a comedy blog and all I can connect with him is a frightened pink square vampire — well that will just set me over the edge!
The only thing worse would be if the insults came from a yellow circle with a frown and a unibrow.
Josh – they just lump us together cause we have jew names.
why don’t you go blow random penis shaped objects? maybe some retrohypnotic therapy would help…you know, sort out why you are such a loser.
how’s that?
I’ll assume that’s directed to me, Cracka. If it’s not the real thing, then no thanks. What’s the point?
I love ya, Curtis. You’re totally one of my good gays. You’re my “good internet gay”.
Nun, I’m actually part ethnic.
Ben,
Bible name people should stick together!!!! Vote Barack his name’s in the bible. John’s name is too but it’s John the Baptiser, not John the Liar Liar pants on fire.
Sorry, Curtis, I’m feeling apatheic this afternoon, I can’t muster my Power of Hate. Cracka’s doing a fine job.
What did people do all day, before computers and the Internet?
heheh… John the Liar Liar pants on fire.
Woohoo!! I was right!!
listen to the radio at work.
Radio…that’s like a television without the picture, right?
i think before the internet people just had sex in person.
The 9 Apostles of God:
1. Nun ur Damned Bizness
2. Uppity Cracka
3. Yo Yo Ma Ma
4. Josh
5. Evangelist Curtis
6. Benny
7. Zeus
8. Smoggy Batzrubble
9. Lucifer
How come Nun gets to be on top?
Woo-hoo! Number 3!
“i think before the internet people just had sex in person”
I bet they got viruses, too.
1. I am not Wiccan. I am Druid.
2. My cat is not black. She is mulatto.
3. The day I get as fat as that woman, I will shoot myself.
4. I think Chris Rock is cute. If he came into my bookstore, I would try to shag him.
Yo Yo said: “How come Nun gets to be on top?”
I don’t have to be on top but usually, guys like that better.
Woohoo!! I’m number 1!! I’ll try to remember you better, Ben.
and cracka finds himself between you and me, a place he’s dreamed about.
it wasn’t a nice dream.
Cracka can’t touch me unless he’s doped me to the gills. Ben’s just throwing the uppity cracka a bone.
Anne said: “4. I think Chris Rock is cute. If he came into my bookstore, I would try to shag him.”
DITTO!!
anne, I’ve a friend in the Air Force. Due to some pettifogging rule, he has to have new dog tags made every year. Under ‘religion’, he puts different things.
This year, he’s a Druid.
one of these days, nun….
oh yeah, i’m ALWAYS doped to the gills.
boner pills, Cracka?
crap! did i include Satan on that list? I meant this:
The 9 Apostles of God:
1. Nun ur Damned Bizness
2. Uppity Cracka
3. Yo Yo Ma Ma
4. Josh
5. Evangelist Curtis
6. Benny
7. Zeus
8. Smoggy Batzrubble
9. Tony Snow
whatever i can find laying around the med room.
by laying around, i mean locked in the narcotics closet.
I hope my guardian angel can throw flames from his fingers or something or freeze someone with his breath. ‘Kinda like a super hero. That would be pretty cool.
It’s too bad my patron Saint can’t get off his lazy ass to do anything of value. He’s St. Jude – also patron saint of the Beetles. That’s probably it. He’s high all the time.
Thank you, Benny, my friend, for not putting me on this list! My days apostling for God are behind me now. I’m booked with another carrier —– Druidism!
Yo Yo, when I recently went to the Catholic hospital for surgery, they asked my religion, and I said “Druid.” Well, Druid wasn’t on their list, so they put “Other.” That covers a lot of ground, so I invited my Santeria friends over for some Dilaudid and a goat sacrifice in the recovery room.
2. My cat is not black. She is mulatto.
Mulatto? You’re cat is actually a donkey?
Chris Rock HBO special this weekend (airs Sept 27th) check it out. I thought it was pretty funny.
Curtis is here! Hey Curtis, who has a better fashion sense … faeries or angels?
Curtis, your patron saint is the saint of lost causes??
anne, funny!
I’m not really sure, Anne. I’ve not seen either (stop it Cracka!). I’m going to guess faeries because they wear tights.
Yo – yes. Isn’t that ironic?
stop what?
Faeries have nicer wings too.
Cracka, I’m disappointed. I was certain you’d throw out a witty comment about faeries and me not seeing one.
Curtis, do you choose a patron saint, or are they assigned by Headquarters?
If you choose St. Bridgit, you’re actually choosing a Druid Goddess. Word.
Benny,
Thanks for your support, but I’m not Lucifer. Funny YOU should notice that there are several multiple personalities lurking out there …
Morning all! [yawn]. Glad to see I haven’t missed much.
You’re all being deep and meaningful, and no one is saying anything about God’s angel post.
Benny’s got me on his list so he must have forgiven me for whatever foul thing I last said about him (square-brained lump of dung).
By the way, I am also not John McCain, although I admire his ripping off my modular eyewear avatar.
Gidday, Smoggy, and a Happy First Day of Autmn/Spring!
Smoggy doesn’t sleep. He’s back because we’re closing in on Comment #200, and HE WANTS IT.
anne,
where do you live? I see your blog says the north east but thats a bigg fucking place.
Look in your phone book. I’m your neighbor. Guarantee you’ll find “Anne Johnson” listed in there.
I don’t live in effing New Zealand.
I live in cracka’s trailer park. I’m jealous of his double-wide.
Ahhh… the first day of spring. All the trees are in blossom.
But that won’t last long–we’re expecting a 120km/h Fohn Nor’Wester that will strip every bud in half an hour.
I wonder what sort of angel God uses for one of those.
Tony Snow,
I didn’t think you were LUCIFER! I just wrongly included that evil prick on the list and forgot you.
I’ve given up trying to be other posters–I was getting too confused. And Saint Peter was too much hard work, I had to keep looking up Google to find out who had died (God smites a shitload of people–some in REALLY horrible ways). And The Hymn Singer was irritating–although did you see the hymn I found for him? Eternal hellfire and damnation…great!
Yo – #167 I can’t remember who choose St. Jude for me. I think we may have been given a choice of two or three. I was really young. St. Jude’s head is usually on fire and he has a big assed medal of Christ around his neck. Talk about some serious bling.
I hope my guardian angel wears leather and none of this sissy flowing robe crap.
Oh Jezis, Smoggy, that hymn singer was you? GET A LIFE, DUDE. Move to Hong Kong or something! Clearly New Zealand just is too damned boring for words!
Pissed you off…didn’t it!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Praise, my soul, the King of Heaven
To His feet thy tribute bring.
Ransomed, healed, restored forgiven
Anne Johnson’s staples start to sting.
haha, wow, what a fucking loser!
curtis,
comment 166.
no, he’s not seeing one. he’s seeing however many he can fit in his poopchute.
there you go.
i was on break.
anne is incapable of answering a question. I don’t want to know your address just the state! Jesus Homo Christ. I do know you live near the Appalachians. I just wanted to know where druids lived besides in the realm of Dungeons and Dragons.
apparently, druids are paranoid. or maybe she’s from wisconsin and is rightly ashamed of it.
Holy Cheesehead!
why don’t you visit her blog and try and figure it out you brooklyn
Anne,
I was going to buy Force Unleashed but everyone is saying it is super short and you can’t go back to play levels without playing the whole game over! What say your friend?
I want to get Prototype.
Shit that comment was for Nun, not Anne.
i would benny but i dont care that much to read a blog on druids.
touche
I say if I root for the Philadelphia Eagles that sure as hell narrows it down. But I grew up in West Virginia.
The only Force Unleashed I’ve ever heard of is Mothman, and he kicks Guardian Angel ass.
Nan can’t tell Ben and Josh apart. Josh can’t tell Nun and Anne apart. Smoggy is really the Hymn Singer. Multiple posters. Cracka’s uppity. Some idiot is still talking like a pirate. I think we lack direction. We need to elect a leader.
The Druidic pantheon has duly taken note that Josh does not want to read about them. However, they tend not to smite. They’ll just order up some rain on your next scheduled barbecue.
Anyway, I’m not playing the numbers game anymore. 600 will be forever mine, and that’s all I need. Being on the other side of the world places me at an unfair disadvantage. My posts take a lot longer to arrive. You’re all cheating American bastards with fat angels and I hate you…(except you Curtis, I don’t hate you because you’re a sweetie and gays get enough hate from everyone else; and I don’t hate Josh cos he was the earliest poster on this blog; and Nun, i don’t hate Nun, she said kind things about my meat stick; and the stapled goddess annie, even though she’s pissed at me; and Yo Mama of Milan, who is often very civil; and Tony Snow who has cool shades; and I’m still hoping Zeus might do that Gillian Anderson thing so i don’t want to piss him off; and sometimes the cracka is really funny when he’s not being too white people).
Who is left? Only Benny. Um… I don’t hate you Benny…but now that you’ve been exposed as Benny666 I wouldn’t want God to think I was consorting with the AntiChrist. So fuck off. (yours in friendship, Smoggy)
i’m going to guess that johnson lives in philadelphia.
i’ve been wondering about the star wars game, too.
i was going to buy it for wii but i don’t know.
Ummm… 200?
Anne, I hear that West Virginia is almost heaven. I grew up across the river from you. My dad plays the banjo. That’s ’nuff said.
fuck you smoggy
Isn’t God the leader here? Trust me, he friggin lurks around every corner, whether he’s posting or not.
Mothman like in the movie with Richard Gere? That movie sucked but this quote was funny.
John Klein: I think we can assume that these entities are more advanced than us. Why don’t they just come right out and tell us what’s on their minds?
Alexander Leek: You’re more advanced than a cockroach, have you ever tried explaining yourself to one of them?
God!!!!
we need to un-200 that kiwi fucker!!
YAR! Elect me, yar!
yar….yar….
Yar, I’m not attractive.
Hahahahahahahahaha…
…and I wasn’t even trying
FAAAAAAACE Anne.
Now–has anyone got any good stories about sex with Angels?
I don’t hate you either, Smoggy, but I don’t understand your last name, so that concerns me.
Anne,
I didn’t mean I don’t care enought to read a blog about druids, I meant I don’t care enough to read any blog, druid or not, to figure out where you’re living.
crap, that druid cunny is right. whenever God is displeased he lets us know. whenever God is pleased he doesn’t smite us too bad.
Actually I live right across the river from Philadelphia … in New Jersey.
Now let’s recap.
Anne grew up in West Virginia.
Anne lives in New Jersey.
Do we mess with Anne?
Do we disrespect Druids?
Yeah.
I don’t understand my last name either Curtis. I think it may be derived from Polish–but I couldn’t ask Mama Batzrubble because she died giving birth to me. And Papa Batzrubble was executed as a serial killer. When I was growing up he was normally out stalking people, strangling then and desecrating their bodies, so we never really chatted much about family history.
I don’t talk about where I live on my blog. What if The Terminator suddenly decided to snuff all the Anne Johnsons? Gotta be discreet.
God, I have a question. Do you actually follow all this shit??
Anne lives in New Jersey.
What exit?
Turnpike #1, follow signs to nuclear power plant.
Why won’t anyone talk about angels? I’m interested in Angels!
No you aren’t, Smoggy. You’re just sucking up to God because he friggin cheats you into century numbers every friggin day.
Here’s exact directions to my house:
Take Rte 43 past the barn that burned three years ago. Follow the dirt road on the left to Carter’s Crossing. Turn right at the fence (close the gate behind you). Follow the woods road until it crosses a deer trail. Follow the deer trail until you can’t drive any more. Walk until you have to crawl, crawl until you are exhausted, then stand up.
We’re the third mailbox on the left.
Now The Terminator’s gonna shoot me. And that other Anne Johnson down the street. The one who charges my health plan for her diaphragms.
BEN 214
he has no choice but to follow everything, remember? now…………………shut up
and………………….fuck off
Papa Batzrubble used to target people named Johnson.
Yo Yo, there’s not a single place in New Jersey that fits your description except for the fake town they built outside Ancora Mental Hospital to rehabilitate nut cases.
Anne,
New Jersey? What part? (As in near Philly or Norther, as I was born and raised in NJ and depending on the area you’re talking about cats and dogs)
As far as messing with you, I don’t think anymore than anyone else. Remember “josh is a faggot” and the things we say to Ben.
As far as messing with Druids, you’re on a comedy blog that pokes fun of the G man himself, relax. Sit doan and talk with your familiar.
Ben, do as uppity cracka says.
sit DOWN, Him damn it!
anne, those are directions to my house. Yours would probably be, “Take Exit 3.”
my house is get off 35W before you die. look for someone who speaks english. ask him where that white dude lives. if he says down that alley, DON’T GO INTO THE ALLEY. if he points at my house…i will shoot you myself.
my directions were take exit 100b of the NJPKWY
then follow route 66 east to green grove road, make a right, then make a left on sunny field terr. follow it to the end make a left then a quick right on John Terr, then make a left on Roberta. I loved on Roberta.
I lived on Roberta, I loved there too, but in this case i meant to say I lived! Him damn it.
josh. silly faggot.
don’t make fun of me uppity, i might cry. then a fairy might die, and we all like curtis here.
murder-apolis. don’t trust the colored folk.
josh, didn’t everyone love on roberta?
very true uppity.
How’s your mom Roberta doing?
you’re right. curtis is our token gay.
we need a black guy, a DJ and a white dude with dreads. then we can have a shitty rap-metal band.
or at least a color me bad cover band
Holy crap, I guess you always are watching God. I kneel before you O Mighty One! please do not smite me for ever doubting your omnipresense!
josh ain’t so good with grammar.
pre-sense?
the sense before the sense?
i sense that you are shutting up.
(i sensed that before i sensed it)
yes sir. shutting up as requested sir.
Benny… say something…
Say something Benny!
Speak to us…
(I think he’s stopped breathing)
HIS AVATAR IS TURNING PURPLE!!!!!
BREATHE, STUPID!! BREEEEEEEAAAAAAAATHE!!!!!!!!
I’m the token gay? Geez, you guys are in trouble then. I don’t fit any of the stereotypes. I can’t cook, I can’t arrange flowers, I suck at picking out clothes, my house looks like a bombed out Somalian village (honest – I expect to see refugee children begging for candy bars), I don’t lisp, and I don’t say, “FABULOUS!!”
I guess I just don’t fit in anywhere. I’m going to drown my sorrows in some white lightnin’ that my daddy made in his still.
Great. Cracka killed Benny. I think he’s in V-fib.
fuck.
i’ll get the crash cart.
anyone know how to use a defib unit on a computer?
“ctrl-alt-delete”??
okay, i’ll try that…
BEN…SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!
Blink if you can hear us Benny!!!
Once for yes…
Twice for fuck off you cunt faced bastards…
Time of death, Cracka?
Great. Now we’ll have to pray for his soul in purgatory. As if I don’t have enough to do.
i’m gonna call it: 1756 EST. fuck, he was a dipshit, but he was OUR dipshit.
shut up, ben. shut up forever, our purple little friend.
Don’t take it so hard, Cracka. You did all you could for him. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else to tell to “shut up”.
Sob…so long little purple pardner…
Does he have any money, cracka? What’s in his wallet? Are his boots good…I could use a new pair of boots. Who wants his saddle?
Oooooh! Does he have chaps?!? I LOVE chaps!
curtis I thought you said you weren’t like other gays
i gotta go call my attorney: 1-800-LUC-IFER.
then, we’re hittin’ the saloon. dead ben’s buyin’!
Set ‘em up Bartender, doubles, and keep ‘em coming.
No drunk is too drunk for our buddy Ben
Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here to remember our friend, Ben. Ben was a good man, sort of, and we remember how he irritated all of us throughout the months of visiting God’s Holy Blog.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no Druids as Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Now if we could all join in a hymn:
Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I’ll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You’ve got a friend in me
(you’ve got a friend in me)
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don’t listen to a word they say
They don’t see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I’m sure they’d think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben
Amen.
I thought someone should give a eulogy. Now, will somebody PLEASE get me a beer?
Saint Peter here God, down at the Pearly Gates.
That little square-headed, purple-faced fucker Benny has just turned up. He’s naked, says someone stripped all his clothes of him after he was dead.
Want me to let him in?
Sniff…that was very moving Curtis…sniff (now I gotta go and have a shit)
Bartender, I’ll have one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer…
(Well, I ain’t seen my Benny since I don’t know when,
I’ve been drinking’ bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin…)
peter,
just tell him to shut up.
he usually listens.
Well, I guess Nun won’t have any trouble telling Josh and Ben apart now. And with that . . . . over and out.
well, i got in touch with the law offices of baalzebub, lucifer and mephitopheles. they have a lot of lawyers down there (zing! is thing on?). they tell me i’m good, because his death was accidental and mostly caused by the fact that he deserved it. so…single malt, leave the bottle.
Ahem…
[testing] This is Saint Peter speaking [testing]
Shut up Benny!
…and shut up all you screaming Chinese babies as well, you’re driving me mad!!
wow cracka…you know OJ’s lawyers…
…here’s to ya!
*blink* *blink*
cracka, he’s moving…shoot him quick, I ain’t giving these boots back.
wha? where am i? what happened? one second i’m holding my breath and the next i’m naked and my bunghole hurts…
SHIT!!!!!!!!
um. nothing, ben. i mean, we don’t know. wait a minute, bunghole?? curtis, take that thing out his ass before he shits all over it.
It was your horse Benny…it tripped and fell..and you went over..and then…and then…it stripped your clothes off and raped you.
We thought you were dead, so we gave your worldly goods to charity.
BENNY! You’re alive. It’s a miracle! A resurrection!
From now on I dub you BENNY LAZARUS!
shut up, lazarus.
fuck….well i can’t say i blame you….i woulda done the same thing. except i probably would’ve buried you too, and then when you woke up! boy would there be egg on my face.
yeah…shut up lazanus
*whisper* cracka, you should’ve got Nun to sit on his face until he suffocated. Or she could’ve bitten off his head with her vagina dentata. *close whisper*
I am NOT giving these chaps back to Benny Lazarus and that’s final!
Oh. Ben. Ummm. Yeah, nice to see you. Heh, heh. I haven’t the slightest idea why your bung hole would hurt. No really.
Uhh, now I’m done.
BRAINS! ROWR! I….NEED….BRAINS!!!
nun. just like a whore. never around when you need them. pissing and moaning when you don’t.
curtis is a necrophiliac!! a GAY necrophiliac!! a gay COWBOY necrophiliac!! a gay cowboy necrophiliac EVANGELIST!! a gay cow…nevermind.
that’s weird. lazarus’ avatar kind of looks undead.
BRAINS!! TASTY WHITE MAN BRAINS!!! GREAOGIAGOERIGO!!
the best kind.
Cool! Lazarus is a Zombie.
Christ created the first of the undead!
I can see it now…undead Lazarus staggers out of tomb, everyone screams, horrified Christ and disciples race up the hill, Lazarus rips heads off two babies and a leper and eats them, then kills and eats his sisters…
The Bible is sooooo cool.
Great. We’ve created a monster. Now we all know what we must do:
http://www.songstowearpantsto.com/songs/shoot-the-zombies/
Uhh — meaning click on the link to the song on the right side of the screen. Jesus, why can’t this be easy?!?
yeah, jesus….WHY?!!!!!!
Hey Curtis, do you recognise any of these? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZuK_wYrqp8
Actually Curtis–an apology. It’s not in very good taste nor very funny. A bit too frat boy homophobic…
the best part of that video is the two guys arguing in the comments section.
guy 1- “i never had anything in my ass you stupid faggot”
guy 2- “of course you had things in your ass. your father raped you after he raped your mom to conceive you”
beautiful comeback.
Ahhh. The truth FINALLY comes out of the closet. All gays are really zombies.
No worries, Smoggy. You know what a gay zombie vegetarian moans??? “Grains, I need grains”.
:: crickets ::
Is this thing on?
What I’d like to know (really) is why all you “straight” boys are always curious about my terrific fellatio skills. I get asked that ALL the time.
Jesus, tell someone in passing conversation, as you do, that you have no gag reflex and the next thing you know, all the straight boys come ’round like moths to a flame.
(shut it, Cracka!)
ahh…they’re just curious.
really? NO gag reflex? too bad you’re not a girl…because…well, you know.
Cracka, see me when you get off work.
Geez, this is better than manhunt.
Wow–no gag reflex. You could do whole zombie sausages.
Hey! Did you see that? I just got 300!
Again without trying.
this is unacceptable.
Obviously, Smoggy is blessed by God Almighty Himself.
Alright, fella’s. I really am off of this for the night. Too much zombophobia for me.
Night Smoggy. Night Cracka. Night dead Zombie Benny Lazanus. Night Nun. Night Anne. Night Johnboy.
JOHNBOY?!? Oh alright. Since I have no gag reflex. Just this once more, and don’t tell Olivia. Thank God pa is still down at the mill.
i’m still fucking working!!! i’m calling in tomorrow. fuck this.
hey guys, you want to know something stupid?
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia means fear of long words
Aaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
be afraid….. very afraid…..
umm… and did you know that cibophobia is the fear of food?
thats just sad…..
Yar, and did you know that Obamanophobia is the fear of black liberal muslims who want to be president?
Yar, he’s black. Yar…
I’M JOHN MCCAIN, AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE!
http://blogs.independent.co.uk/the_campaign_trailers/2008/09/time-mccain-pla.html
YAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!
Oh my God, they killed Benny! You bastards!
Cracka, what’s the fear of nun’s vagina? (besides universal)
So, just how many of you doofuses post under multiple names?
No one does that.
That would be a stupid thing to do!
Heh…heh… [shuffle]
If you were standing next to me, I’d smack you upside your head, Smoggy. Out of love, of course.
But seriously…don’t you think the death of Benny was one of the funniest pieces of group improvisation you’ve ever read? We could give the South Park writers a run for their money.
That was clever. I especially liked the way Benny came back with a taste for brains.
Where was this morning?
Rather, where was everyone this morning?
Nun, I only post under one name.
One name for each personality.
Yeah it was fun…and it was only when I re-read it that I saw Benny had blinked twice, and then I remembered what I’d told him blinking twice meant [cheeky little bastard]
I’m going back to bed (2am in sheepland). I wonder if God enjoyed “The Death of Benny.”
You ask him, Nun. He sometimes answers you.
Me too, Yo. We must be boring.
Smoggy,
I don’t blame Ben for telling you all to fuck off. The poor bastard dies and you guys can’t wait to strip him naked and stick inanimate objects up his bum. Y’all have some deep-seated homo issues that you need to resolve.
As for God; well, I cannot speak for Him so this is just a guess but if any of you selfish cretins showed Him any kind of concern or compassion, He just might respond to you Himself. God is in some kind of Divine Funk and does anybody here even care? No! All you care about is the quickest way to get off in Ben’s dead bum and how much you can sell his shoes for. I feel really badly for God. Nobody seems to care about Him at all.
God is doing G things, that’s how he rolls.
Did anyone see Heroes last night? Pretty good.
Did anyone see Worst Week?
God’s in a funk because he has so few Facebook friends. Y’all have to go request him so he’ll feel popular again.
I requested him as a friend, and the first thing he did was ask me why I wasn’t dead, since he did a triple smite of me on the weekend. Such a warm and fuzzy deity!
Sorry, Josh. I can’t get good t.v. reception in my neck of New Jersey.
anne it’s called cable. What are you going to do Feb 9th?
There are so few people in New Jersey that we all know each other by name.
Cable? What’s that?
Anne I used to live in Jersey, you’re lying.
I use cable for a clothesline when I hang my lingerie out to air-dry. Which I can do, having no neighbors within the same zip code.
You mean you had neighbors?
I’ve got to drive 25 miles just to get a quart of milk.
Might as well live in friggin New Zealand.
Josh,
I talked to my friend… it is true that once you complete a level, you cannot go back to that level. That doesn’t bother him as that’s how a lot of those games are, he still loves it. It does seem to be one of those games that once you finish it, why bother playing it anymore. I have The X-Files: Resist or Serve for PS2… I never completed Mulder’s last level for that very reason… once I finish it, I’ve beaten the game… I’d rather leave a little something for myself once I decide to play it again.
I talked to my brother about it, and he says it’s worth a rent but not worth a buy.
Josh,
Do you remember last week when I expressed my condolences that the Jets got the Favre from two and three seasons ago? Do you remember that you didn’t believe me? Do you believe me now? You have my sympathies, bud.
Nun, I didn’t put anything inanimate up Benny Lazarus’ bum. I assure you, it was quite animate. But don’t tell anyone.
judging by the few times He has spoken on this before, I seem to remember that God doesn’t like it very much that all we do is makes lame jokes and talk about football and TV on his blog. He would probably prefer people talk about the subject matter of his posts. in our own way we are just as dumb and ignorant as the people who believe in angels.
BRAINS!! FRESH BRAINSS!!!
Yar….shut up, Ben.
I didn’t lump you in with the perverts, Curtis. Whatever you did was completely appropriate and well-deserved, I’m sure.
Ben,
Don’t make me tell you to shut up.
.
.
I’ve actually wondered about that myself and had expressed apologies to God when I had, inadvertently turned His Divine Blog into a ‘lets hide the sausage in Gillian Anderson’s vajayjay’ discussion. In short, He didn’t seem to care. Maybe He wants to bang Gillian Anderson too.
He wants to bang Gillian Anderson too.
Don’t we all?
Yo,
no.
I don’t. I just want to kick back and smoke a little chiba with her.
Weeeelll, some of present company excepted.
How ’bout Mulder?
I wonder if they have t-shirts: “I got anal probed by aliens and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”?
I would fuck Mulder. I would not fuck Duchovny. Well, maybe I would but I’d much rather Zeus just manifests as Duchovny. Duchovny does not seem like he’d be tons of fun if he opened his mouth and spoke.
The aliens have denied allegations made in last week’s X-Files, and are refusing to take further questions at this time.
I sure hope they make another X-Files film.
Yar, it was good
You liked it? I did too but I could have done without the ‘ship’. I saw it this weekend at a discount theater and was surprised at how packed the theater was but you could hear the audible groans from the casual fans during the ‘shippy’ scenes.
Okay… I joined Facebook under a pseudonym. I am just way too paranoid to put my real name on there.
I dunno why anyone would put their real name on Facebook, etc. I see idiots who lost jobs/promotions/were shamed out out of town because they put up stupid pix: “Yaaaay!! See me get drunk!” No one knows I’m a teacher!
My real name isn’t “Evangelist Curtis”.
My real name isn’t Yo Yo Ma Ma, although I play him on TV.
lots of people do, and when I hire someone it’s the first place I look. This one dude had a pic of him topless pinching his nipple at a BBQ. I still brought him in, but it turns out he was a douche just like his pic showed.
My name is Josh.
Call me Ishmael.
YAR! I FIND ALL MY VICE-PRESIDENTS THROUGH THE TUBES!
My name is Pirate John McCain, and I approve this message. Yar.
Call me fishmeal.
pirates are cool
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v176/stinkygoop/piratesarecool4.gif
Y’all can call me Abdullahi. That’s a really popular name in the foot hills of Appalachia.
HAHAHA!! Oh man, I miss all the fun. Google George Brett and pooping pants.
Sigh…my real name is Smoggy Batzrubble. And Curtis finds it funny.
The rest of you don’t think my name is strange do you?
Anne Johnson is my real name. But I’m old enough to know how to put together a Facebook that won’t get me in trouble.
God,
Maybe this doesn’t belong here but I’m afraid if I put it on the corresponding post, You won’t see it.
You hate bonerless men. I do too, God. I do too. But how do You feel about bonerless men who are bonerless because they’re afraid of poking a fetus in the head? I was with a man when I was pregnant that was worried about harming the baby and refused to fuck me properly. I hate him, God, just as I hated him then. However, is that an appropriate reason, in Your Divine Eyes, to be bonerless?
how many kids you got Nun?
I always enjoyed waving to the baby.
Nun is my soul sister.
—and Nun, I’ll bet you dollars to donuts (what DOES that mean?) that the man who was worried about harming the baby and refused to fuck you properly, was shitting you. Some men get turned on by preggos, others just can’t handle seeing their partners swelling up and transforming before their eyes. Did he have trouble getting it up? Did he used to want it all the time and then stop asking once you started expanding? Why do you think the whole alien thing bursting out of the body has such currency in sci fi films? It’s the fundamental reason why patriarchal societies dominate and subjugate women–because women’s bodies do something that freaks them out by producing new life. It’s the point where the fundamental difference between women and men becomes glaringly obvious.
Nun – No. You were correct to hate him for that. A human being should get used to being poked in the head by a penis from an early age.
HA–wonderful! Praise God!
(I wonder if being poked in the head a lot by a penis while you’re in the womb causes gayness. It may explain why Curtis has no gag reflex.)
Josh,
One spawn of the devil. He’s great except he’s a loser who doesn’t try his best for which I despise him.
Smoggy,
NO! He was not shitting me and I’m highly offended that you would suggest such a thing. I’m not into scat, you pervy New Zealander.
Thanks, God!! I’m glad my hate was proper and acceptable in Your Eyes.
Smoggy, you just made me nauseous with that mental picture. Just like Jesus, my mother was a virgin and I refuse to believe otherwise.
Now pray for me brothers and sisters. I have a strategic planning meeting to attend. Stupid job.
Doesn’t everything involving a vagina make you nauseous?
YAR! ME LOVES YE SCURVY VAGINERS!
Joseph poked Jesus in the head with his penis. One assumes.
Um…nun
You do know that when I said he was shitting you–I meant he was lying to you, having you on, pulling your leg, dissembling and dissimulating?
What I really meant was that when he said he was worried about the baby he was secretly revolted that you were a great big fat preggo who looked ready to pop at any second?
Umm… Smoggy… I know. Silly Smoggy.
Heh
God has a bunch of friends on Facebook with normal names and then He has me.
Ummm… sorry Nun. Smoggy’s humour detector has low batteries today.
I don’t think your name is abnormal. It’s easily as normal as Smoggy Batzrubble.
Now that Anne Johnson–she’s got a really weird name….
and that John McCain pirate fucker
No worries, Silly-Smoggy.
Have you even seen my name on Facebook? It’s not Nun blah-blah-blah.
McCain does fuck pirates. I’ve seen him do it.
Sorry–I should go and look at your name. Smoggy is not a face book user. Smoggy is an ancient traditionalist luddite.
i see you guys suck without me. that’s good to know. i’m going to back to bed to cough and sneeze and shiver and dream of new ways to insult you. shut up, ben.
forgot to sign in. must be the cold medicine.
now…………….fuck off.
Are you Cordelia Wetspot, Nun? That is very cool if you are–I love the blood drooling zombie icon.
cracka has been smited by one of God’s evil angels with a foul cold virus so that his nasal tissues dribble and crack, his lips dry out, his throat burns, his ears ring, his lungs bubble, his eyes go crusty and his little meat pretzel can’t get it up.
Happy suffering snotcracka
I am indeed, Smoggy.
And God is my only friend.
If God is your friend, who else do you need?
Hey–I looked again and recognised Scully and Mulder zombies. Even more cool!
Cordelia Wetspot, I am off to request you as a friend! Be sure to watch my latest Marion Weinstein video!
Closing in on 400, Smoggy. Ready, set, go!
You didn’t recognize the Mulder and the Scully!?!?! What the FUCK is wrong with you, Smog?
And to answer your question, I need nothing but God. And my sweet, sweet chiba but that’s a Holy Gift from God so I think that’s okay.
Get
I’m tired and hungry…and I don’t want 400. I’m giving up on the numbers game–it is all yours Goddess Annie
a life
I’m happy with the 600 God has granted me.
Smoggy!
It is a precious gift.
Oops!
lol
God cheats.
And if God isn’t around to cheat, Smoggy manages quite well.
God is mighty. He is just and powerful.
Off to Facebook. It’s hard out there for a little blue avatar.
Add me, Anne!! I’m sooo lonely.
Praise my soul the king of heaven
To his feet thy tribute bring
Ugh… bad form. You’re supposed to be dead and gone.
Soon I will join facebook…I want God as my friend.
And Cordelia’s wet spot…
Join as Smoggy Batzrubble. I feel so much closer to God on Facebook. I don’t know why.
Nun Ur Damned Bizness…I just want to say I like you…but not your name. You should totally drop the ‘ur damned bizness’ part and just go with Nun. That wood be cool.
Benny,
There’s a reason for the ‘Ur Damned Bizness’. Basically, some people on the internet are fucking nosy… that is my way of letting them know that my offline identity is none of their fucking business. The desire for such a name originated elsewhere and is in no way a reflection on the people here.
Whatup bitches I’m back. La illah Adonai Muhammad Rasul Shaitan. God, world war three is coming up and I’m ready to kick some Muslim ass. (Estakhforallah, Alhamdolellah, Askharkebalah, Mullahkedollah, Kiramtoolagh, Aschosbeballah) Soon the temperature/weather forecast in Saudi Arabia Mecca, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Iraq, Turkey and Yemen is going to be 6000 degrees kelvin. The messiah is coming and he’s gonna fight the mother of all wars bitches. So take out your shotguns, AK47s, and your weapons of ass destruction and get ready to kick some infidel ass.