Ask God: September

In this monthly feature, The Almighty first answers a few of the many questions He has recently received. Afterwards, mortals will be given the opportunity to ask God one (and only one) question. And if The Lord is feeling generous, He may actually answer.
QUESTION #1:
David: Dear God, do you hate the Mormons? Is that why [...]

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Pray to God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In this new monthly feature, the faithful readers of My Divine Blog are granted the opportunity to send Me exactly one prayer request.
Just think of it! This allows you, a puny mortal, the incredible [...]

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God in the News – Guardian Angels

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Greetings humans. You know, I’ve been rather down in the dumps lately; My latest smite on China only managed to kill a measly 3 babies; sacrilegious scientists are getting ever closer to finding My [...]

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God on the Internet

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Hello My children. On the advice of Jesus, who is rather tech savvy, I signed up for a couple of social networking sites last night. I set up a new profile at Twitter, where [...]

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#46 Boner Pills

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Yesterday I spoke of My Disdain for those who lack the simple faith in Me necessary to get a boner. Today I will focus My Divine Hatred on those who employ satanic science pills [...]

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#45 Impotence

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

Today I would like to talk about something I hate very, very much: impotence. I am not referring to impotence as a general powerlessness that the meek and lowly have; this type of impotence [...]

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God in the News – The Iraq War

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

I was watching ABC last night, when I caught this interview with the future Vice-King of America:
Sarah Palin on God and the Iraq War
YOU ESKIMO-BLOWING PIG-CUNT-WHORE!
YOU LYING BLUBBER-EATING COWARD!
YOU SEAL-CLUBBING….well actually, I rather enjoy [...]

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#44 Microsoft

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

I was watching American television last night, looking for blasphemous people and things to judge and smite (as I am wont to do), when I stumbled upon one of the [...]

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#43 Norton AntiVirus

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

I was going to write about something else today, when in the process I was interrupted about seventeen times by this bothersome pest of a program called ‘Norton AntiVirus.’ Suffice to say, I, The [...]

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SMITING: iambetterthanyou

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
GOD IS FURIOUS!!! DON’T FUCK WITH GOD!!!
Witness the impudence of ‘iambetterthanyou’:
SMUG PRICK
Now normally, you all know Me to be a merciful and loving God. BUT CRITICIZING OF ME IS SOMETHING I WILL NOT TOLERATE!
‘Iambetterthanyou,’ [...]

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