In this monthly feature, The Almighty first answers a few of the many questions He has recently received. Afterwards, mortals will be given the opportunity to ask God one (and only one) question. And if The Lord is feeling generous, He may actually answer.
QUESTION #1:
Nun: A question for you, God… do you ever worry that some Jesus-freak is going to come after you for the blog?
Will never find Me.
GOD: No. I don’t worry about that. Unlike you human cowards, I have no fear of death. Besides, even if I was a mortal, wordpress.com offers total anonymity. I am switching to Mine Own Heavenly Server soon anyway, and the website StuffGodHates.com is registered by proxy, just to make sure none of you fanatics ever discover My Earthly mailing address. And even if one of you freaks did ever manage to ‘find’ Me I would utterly destroy you.
Nun – you are paranoid. I blame the massive amounts of My Green Leaf you smoke. I’m afraid I’m going to have to confiscate your stash till you get your head clear.
QUESTION #2:
Christian: God, why does Satan get most of the cool people?
GOD: He doesn’t, you asshole. You have absolutely no idea who I send to hell and who I let adore Me for all eternity. Only the coolest people get into Heaven.
QUESTION #3:
IAmBetterThanYou: Dear Your Holy God: What are Your thoughts on that fraud preacher who faked having cancer just to hide his porn addiction and made a killing in the Christian Music industry, and how are You going to smite this bastard?
GOD: I’m going to give him cancer of the penis.
QUESTION #4:
Uppity Cracka: It’s weird when people’s heads get fatter exponentially faster than their bodies do. Why does this happen God? Why?
GOD: Ah yes. You are referring to My Gigantisize Smite, one of My favorite vanity-crushing smites. This is when I expand the size of a human’s body part to grotesquely large proportions. I also do the opposite, but either way this type of smite yields extremely amusing results.
Specifically in this case you are talking about what I did to Alfonso Robiero, AKA Carlton. I hate that smug prick. I’m glad to see his smite is coming along nicely. Wait another 5 years. His head will be twice as large by then.
QUESTION #5: (In reference to Deuteronomy 23:1)
Josh: What about the eunuchs that are in Your service? The ones mentioned in the Bible? Did they cut off their junk for Your honor and now You tottally screwed them? And please can I be your favorite again?
GOD: Eunuchs are the biggest chumps in the history of man. And in the history of penis, for that matter. They do not honor Me. Nowhere in My Book do I authorize what they do, in fact quite the opposite!
As to the last part of your question: No. You will never be anyone’s favorite again.
QUESTION #6: (In reference to Genesis 38:6-10)
McSchmahl: Obviously it is a sin to spill my seed on the ground. But is it okay to store my seed in a sterile jar, for future use with my (or my deceased brother’s) wife?
GOD: Excellent question; you are asking about one of the many specific sexual situations I neglected to cover in My Book. The answer is yes, it makes Me very glad to see sperm saved in sterile jars, so long as you correctly sign and date them, and only if you insert said sperm in your dead brother’s wife.
QUESTION #7:
Yo Yo Ma Ma: God; I just got back from the bathroom. I think I left an image of the Virgin Mary in the toilet. My questions: Flush, or not? Tell anyone else? And what kind of miracles can I expect from toilet water?
GOD: Yo Yo, I realize you asked this question 15 days ago, and that is why I am so pleased you have not flushed, nor let anyone else flush, the 4th office men’s bathroom stall. I especially appreciate you camping there with your laptop, faithfully awaiting My reply. I shall award you with any one of the hot girls in your office you want to have sex with, and make sure your wife never finds out or that you ever feel any guilt. The sex will be wonderful, you will have enough to get your fill, and then the girl will move three thousand miles away – never to be heard from again.
As to your question, by all means, do not flush it. Take pictures and call every news outlet in existence until they show up to cover this. I will bless your endeavor and bring people to this Holy Shite. You can expect no miracles from the toilet water, I just want humans to see the Slut Mary for the colossal piece of shit she is.
God,
With the advances of technology these days, have You found ways in which that allows You to perform more smitings on a regular basis?
God,
Gustav – Hanna is really a sneaky one-two smite, right?
God,
I’m so sorry I’ve been away. It’s been awhile. Nun is back from Haiti. What else have I missed? Please don’t tell me you let Dick Franing out of hell?
Dear God.
It’s fucking September. Why “Ask God: August”?
Follow-up questions:
- Everybody knows Your Son’s birthday, but what is Yours? Is it coming soon? Should we take this incident as a gift-tip? Do You want a Holy Day-Planner?
I’m going into the hospital, God, so this is your chance to smite me. As if.
God. When Hanna lands on my house in Charleston SC I plan on using your name in vain … a lot.
Please make sure you point your attention there so you don’t miss it.
stuff-don’t apologize. we didn’t miss you. your blog sucks.
God, it’s been a strain, but I’ve protected the image. Oddly (or did You arrange it?), the siphon hole is her mouth…
Luckily, we have wireless within the building, so I’ve kept up my work schedule. Meetings were a bit rushed, I admit.
P.S. Thanks for the hot girl, the one the lads and I call the sexretary – it was incredible!
way to go, yoyo!! does this mean your midlife crisis is over?
Heh, yeah, it only lasted a week, so I’m good until senility creeps in. I won’t care. of course.
Now I have to sell the convertible (and beret and racing gloves) I bought as the crisis hit.
i’ll buy them in ten years.
Heh, I’ll put the gloves on the front seat and lock up the car.
put it in storage. i’ll call you when i can’t see my dick past my gut.
[...] Ask God: August September 2, 2008 Posted by Skepdude in Stuff God Hates. Tags: God, Stuff God Hates trackback CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL ENTRY AT “STUFF GOD HATES” [...]
God,
Why do you hurt my feeling so? I know you still love me because my kid is not a retard nor do I have cancer.
Josh
josh,
that’s what you think…
iambetter – I have no need of technology. It does not help nor hinder My Smiting Speed. The only thing slowing down My Smites these days is Mine Own stupid mercy…
Tony – I intend every hurricane to be a cat 5 or higher. The truth is, your governments secretly bomb them to weaken the storms.
White Parent – Cracka is right. Nobody cares.
Lucifer – I post and answer questions from the month at the end of said month. I care not if it floweth into the next month.
As to My Birthdate, I have no idea. I can’t remember ever not existing.
Anne Johnson – Sorry, you are going into the hospital yes, but I am not going to grant your wish and smite you. You are going to leave perfectly healthy.
YoYo – Excellent work, My child. Now I tell you to remove the toilet from the bathroom and maketh a shrine in your town, and charge people $10 a pop to let the Slut Mary’s divine shit bless their bowels.
Josh – Yes, I still love you. But you shall never be My favorite again. You are far too critical. As such, for the rest of your pitiful life you shall be surrounded by extremely critical and unforgiving souls. And then you will get cancer.
Josh,
Your avatar has stupid glasses and is only a pentagon. You can’t even achieve octagon! You’ll never improve as ana avatar! Wow, where did that criticism come from? God, was that you?
Jesus God, You’re sending me mixed signals. All thoughout Your bible You tell me to judge others and harshly at that. To kill people I see worshiping other gods, to stone people who turn against You, to never ever forgive anyone who commits the sin of grieving the Holy Spirit. Yet you punish me for living the way you told me to? Come on dude, You ain’t right.
shutup, Josh.
white parent you are neither white nor a parent. and your blog sucks.
FACE!
Josh – SILENCE YOU IMPUDENT WHELP! You are correct to be harshly critical, but never of the LORD!!
these questions aren’t racist enough.
Ahhh Jew, go ban some other blog so you can unban it and then ban it a million times over.
Father God, when was I critical of You? I alway submit funny and honest videos of your followers like the “God Hates Fags” video, and the other one where the guy porves science is stupid and You are right. I worhip daily and read Your word to others but not in an asshole way like Bridgette.
You have to kiss His Divine Ass, Josh. God is not the same as Dave Chappelle and can’t be pushed around. You are the reason Dave ran off to South Africa, aren’t you? You’re a mean, mean mortal, Josh and it’s time you saw the damage your criticism can cause.
Josh – Hmm, ok, well maybe you weren’t critical of Me. But you DID stop signing all your comments with ‘Your Loyal and Faithful Servant.” DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE!!
Cracka – Please, by all means, ask some racist questions. I would be pleased to answer such questions.
i’m just not a very good racist, so my questions won’t be funny enough. they’ll be dumb like, “why did you give asians such tiny genitals?” zeus asks better racist questions. where the F is zeus?
Why do black guys have such massive penises? It makes no sense, God. You hate Africa with the white hot intensity of a bunch of suns but You give all the native sons huge mandingo cocks.
Nun,
African American guys have huge donkey cocks, much the same way African American guys are (on average) physically larger than their cracker counter parts. Goes back to slavery and how they were bread, ask Jimmy the Greek about it.
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
Nun – that is not true. They don’t all have huge penis. I did, however, give them a slightly higher percentage of big cockness (30%) than other races. This specific Gigantisizing Smite was done because I hate Africans so very, very much. It is the cause of all the oppression and suffering they have faced and will continue to face.
Cracka – Your lack of confidence disturbs Me. Get your balls back.
That is better Josh. Much better. Still, you dishonor Me with your negligent spelling and proofreadery! bread?!
wow, God is a genius. gigantisizing is the worst of all the subtle smites i’ve ever heard of.
FUCKING SQUINTY EYED LITTLE RICE EATING ZIPPER HEADS!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!! AND I LAUGH WHEN THEY KILL THEIR GIRL BABIES! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! DIE CHINESE BABY SCUM!!!!!!!
Haha!! God FACED Josh’s crappy spelling.
God,
I am sorry. I curse my fat fingers and hollow head.
Your Humble Servant,
Josh
nun, you forgot to quantify God’s hatred for africa by specifying the amount of suns. how many is a bunch? 6 or 7?
Cracka,
I don’t think God has specified how many suns equates the intensity with which He hates Africa. I cannot speak for God so I’ve left the reference to the number of suns vague for that reason. I will let God determine the amount of suns required to match His Awesome Hating Intensity.
cracka,
That’s more like it. RACIST SLURS !!!!!IN ALL UPPERCASE !!!!! WITH LOTS OF !!!!!!! IN BETWEEN WORDS !!!!!!
i see, that makes sense.
i secretly hate being a cracker with the whire hot intensity of like 1/3 of a sun.
except for one thing,
the best part of being a cracker is all the hate. i would miss the hate if God were to smite me into some sort of weird little oriental or other type of “ethnic.”
and thanks t-man. i’ve been practicing on my neighborhood.
the people in it, i mean.
Uppity practices in his neighborhood because he lives in Spanish Harlem, he’s a God Damned switch blade aficionado. He’s PR to the core, his mom even has a handlebar mustache and a crotch gut.
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
my mom has no FUPA!!!!!!!
my neighborhood is gays and yuppies and the black kids on the corner and some club kids who never sleep. and you better believe i HATE THEM ALL!!!!!
Come on Uppity, in the race between your mom’s boobs and her jelly belly, it’s always a photo finish.
dear god,
why do you hate hating stuff?
all these columns and features, but barely any hate.
josh, you are going to suffer for this.
my mom does not have a front butt!!!
uppity her belly button doubles as anus 2, just in case of blockage on anus 1 from her back boob. it’s a sad thing when your mom looks bad for an old PR woman, that’s saying something.
yeah, what’s with puerto rican women and the aging process?
my mom is scandinavian. shut up, josh.
she’s the only scandinavian woman named Maria Conchita Benetos De LaGuardia.
josh is going to pay dearly.
consider your life ruined josh.
Wheat Thin,
Go tell you fat back madre to bake us up a batch of Flautas and some plantains.
zeus, you’re on my shit list too now.
luckily for you, it’s a very long list and i go through it alphabetically.
so, it’s going to be a while before i get to you.
but we all know that you don’t exist. nobody believes in you.
suck on that one, pretend gay god.
Okay, well if that is the way it is, then tell her to bring some Sweedish Meatballs with lingonberry…and a goat. She can drive the Saab with the flame stickers and Puerto Rican flag on the mirror.
Uppity,
What are you going to do? Have your cousins steal my hubcaps? Are you going to tag my house? Make me watch West Side Story? Come on holmes, you know poppa don’t play dat.
God’S Humble Servant,
Josh
Zeusy,
You brought your A insult game today! “Fat back madre” That’s how racism is done, extra crispy.
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
I’m so offended by this racist conversation. I should spout a bible verse or two…
Jesus wept
.
.
What a fucking cry-baby.
damnit! josh is right. fat back madre is some goooooooood racial slurring.
i know you live in brooklyn, josh. i’ll just start capping every josh in the burrough terminator style until you stop blogging here. then i’ll know i got my “man”, so called.
Shut up Josh. We all know you are a noodle sopping, baby killing Oriental with a small wonton. Now go tell you mamma san to cook me up some fi’ dolla’ lo mein, but make sure she doesn’t drive. We know she can’t. Take the rick shaw and hurry – chop, chop.
Nun, God took you chiba again!?
Don’t be offended by our racial tirades. It’s all a facade (except Cracka’s). If hypothetically I were mortal, my wife would be black and a fag hag, my brother-in-law would be Muslim Indian, and my best friends would range from homosexual Asians and blacks to Lebanese Christians, Indian Hindus, Catholic Hispanics, and Chilean Bhuddists. That is hypothetically.
God,
Your Bible describes all human beings as being of “one blood” (Acts 17:26). This of course emphasizes that we are all related, as all humans are descendants of the first man, Adam (1 Corinthians 15:45), who was created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26–27). Does this mean Cracka and Josh look like you?
Zeus,
Please don’t be offended by my fake offendedness. It too is a facade. The only thing that offends me is when God takes away my chiba for no good reason whatsoever. I told Him that being paranoid when you live under the Bush administration is just smart.
If God doens’t have a father is he a bastard? And can we address him as such, like “God the Father Bastard?” Oh crap I feel a smiting coming on -look out slow gigantism. Please god direct toward the parts that matter.
Oh I wasn’t offended by your fake offendedness, but after such a racial tirade (however clever it may be) I feel the need to verbally cleanse.
Kind of like the shower scene in The Crying Game but with less crying.
You shouldn’t admit to seeing The Crying Game, Zeus. It means you’re gay.
Howsabout smiting the CompSec guy where I work? Since (of course) you’re omniscient, you already know who where and why. It’s a real pain always poking new holes in the corporate firewall.
Zeusy,
You’re killing it right now! Take the rickshaw (I’ll forgive you for making it two words as I am the worse speller here) because your mom can’t drive, chop chop!!!!! You’re killing me! You’re racism is on point today. It’s cooked to a golden brown, perfect.
Uppity,
Good luck killing all the Josh’s in BK. With gentrification the number of Josh’s in BK has jumped 5,000,000%. In Williamsburg alone the number of white kids named Josh has jumped to over 50,000. That doesn’t even include the Spanish Joshua’s (Pronounced Ho-sway, but you knew that already Chino)
Nun,
The crying game is not gay, watching it and saying you’d still fuck that dude, that’s gay. In fact I would say the crying game is mandatory watching for all hetero men who want to avoid living the crying game!!!
God’s Humble Servant,
Josh
I am in favor of free speech. I am the Messiah. Love me. My name is Barack Obama, and I approve this message.
God,
How do You feel about Sarah Palin?
God, thanks for smiting Sarah Palin. And for smiting the Republican Party with her. That was AWESOME.
The name is iambetterthanyou and I approve of Barack Obama’s message.
DEATH TO SARAH PALIN AND THAT EVEN SLUTTIER DAUGHTER OF HERS!!!!!!!!!!!
God, why does it look like I have bandages over my mouth? Did it become that way by accident?
God, what is my fate?
UNPLEASANT JEW – I don’t. I hate plenty. Fuck you!
ZEUS – If you asking if I am a white man, then yes.
EVILOVERLORD – Done! I dispatched Clark, My Angel of Destruction, to destroy that CompSec douchebag’s favorite computer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPpZZWVxdZY&feature=related
JOSH – Very good Josh. Very good humbleness. You’re still not My favorite, that spot will never be yours again, but you are doing the right things to show respect.
MISSFORTUNE – I hate her, obviously. But I’m just using her to illustrate a point that I will get to tomorrow.
IAMBETTERTHANYOU – No, it’s not by accident. You have bandages over your mouth because it indicates My desire for you to shut the fuck up. All you do is blah blah blah blah blah all day long. Shut the fuck up. And stop wasting My fucking time with your asinine questions like ‘was something done on purpose?’ Everything you experience was done on purpose by ME.
PISSEDOFFJEW – Right now, you are going to die in an excruciating manner within the next year because you displease Me greatly. But if you try, there is still time for you to maybe change My mind.
Why are you pissed off at me? I didn’t do anything to you.
I’m pissed at you because you are pissed off. Maybe if you had a better attitude, your fate would be different.
God,
Did you have your chocolate today?
straighten up your halo, you look like a slob.
Uppity, would you like me to imbed a stiletto heel up your personal uppity?
is that how you make friends? offer them chocolate then shove whorish looking shoes up their asses? does that ever work?
Uppity, you’re trying to be friends with me? I thought I was being insulted!
crooked halo shops at the same place tony snow bought his glasses. only crooked as a uni brow like uppity’s fat back madre.
God’s Vengeful Servant,
Josh
She’s a women, Cracka. Most women aren’t very bright. I don’t think you can ply God with chocolate, it should be drugs and alcohol or the sacrificing of virgins or fatty-fats. HELLO!! Somebody hasn’t been paying any attention to God’s rants.
It’s ok. It’s better to be pissed off than to be pissed on!
It depends on if you’re into water-sports.
Has anything you’ve tried to ply God with actually, er, worked?
Some womens are quite bright.
The botanical name for the Cacao tree (where chocolate comes from) is Theobroma, which translates to “Food of the Gods” ….
So there.
Crookedhalo,
Perhaps you missed the part where God is God! If He wants Him Damned chocolate He can make the best or he can create a race of wierd looking midgets who make him the best chocolate while sining creepy songs. What God wants is your devotion and worship, not some cheap ass Wonka Bar.
God’s Destructive Servant,
Josh
SINGING not sining. God Damn it!!!!
CrookedHalo said: “Some womens are quite bright.”
Maybe but you’re not helping the cause very much.
Josh,
You’re lucky God wasn’t here to FACE your typo.
Josh, now you have me thinking of that old Star Trek episode.
I’ve missed most of your destructiveness. Would you be able to provide me with a summary?
Josh, it wasn’t a typo. I specifically wrote ‘womens’ that way.
Crooked,
It’s becoming apparent you aren’t paying attention. I did not say you had a typo, Nun said I had a typo which I did but luckily corrected it before God’s wrath came down on me.
What star trek episode are you talking about? You don’t have a Spok costume do you?
God’s Sleepy Servant,
Josh
Yeah, you’re still not helping the ‘womens are bright’ theory you’ve got going on, Halo.
Josh, it was that old one with the people who worshipped Val (that dinosaur head type thing). No, no Spock ears for me.
But if we all play right, we’ll live long and prosper.
Nun, I’m a very smart cookie.
Stop being such a wimple.
How dare you call me a scarf!!
you’re a scarf
Damn you, Unpleasant Jew!! DAMN YOU!!!!
FACE!!
shut up, ben.
I like that picture. That one guy has a really really big head and the other one has a really really small head, and yet they are friends.
You would say that, you friendless one-toothed freak.
FACE!!
As God directed, I have moved the toilet with the Virgin Mary image to the town square, and set up a Holy Shite. To preserve the image, I have covered it with clear epoxy, so we can all take a dump on her face.
Personally, I’m hoping for a Princeton Blumpy, with the image on the receiving end.
It’s Wednesday so I wonder if God is soaking in His Divine Hot Tub as He is wont to do. Does anybody remember which mountain top has been blessed with God’s Divine Hot Tub?
Wednesday is poker night at Mount Everest.
I FIND THIS INTERNET OFFENSIVE!!!!!!
“everyone will burn in hell forever after i kill them with stones.”
-leviticus 5:12
Lucifer, what’s the pot? Penny ante, or much larger stakes? Do you and God still torment Job?
I wonder if mortals ever get invited to poker night. God said that He suspends His Awesome Winning Powers when He plays games that interest Him. I wonder if that applies to poker night with mortals.
I’ll bet strip-poker with God is just the best time EVER!!!!!!!!!
but God is an old dude, nun. he doesn’t even remember not existing. he’s probably got some long-ass balls.
Nun,
Just cut out the middle man (the game of poker) and just suck on His Heavenly Wang.
Did you guys read that former SNL cast member Victoria JAckson said that Obama is the anti-Christ!!!! In some ways he is, I mean he’s not gay and that very anti-Christ.
God’s Malicious Servant,
Josh
Mortals cannot be invited to poker night because: a) it’s at the top of freaking Mount Everest and there isn’t a fat-mortal lazy-ass ski-lift in operation yet; b) any mortal would spontaneously combust in His Awesome Presence; and c) poker tokens don’t need invitation.
Josh,
Victoria Jackson is a fucking wacko. Her recent comments only prove that point. Seriously, how that woman was ever on SNL is beyond my comprehension.
Cracka,
I don’t care what God’s Divine Ballsac looks like. It’s God’s so that makes it perfect.
josh is making sense today. you never know what you’re going to get with him. i guess i see your point, nun…nope that’s your labia.
My labia does not form in the shape of a point. That’s my clit.
female parts are confusing. especially your haggard old cave. it’s like an inside out manatee nestled in a briar patch.
…aaand there goes my lunch!
Uppity,
I make sense all the time. You’re just mad that Zeus and I double teamed your mom yesterday (I mean on the blog talking about her, as we litterally double teamed her last week. I never saw Zeus, but he called me on my cell to let me know he was fucking her 3rd stomach roll on the left.)
“inside out manatee nestled in a briar patch” HA!!!!!
God’s Mutant Servant,
Josh
Damn you, Cracka!! DAMN YOU!!!!
i may have taken that too far.
old over-explainer josh again…what’s it like being the only person you know who understands anything?
i got you fair and square, nun. that was classic FACE!
Yes, Cracka. That was too far. I can’t believe that you would compare my snatch to sweet, sea-cow manatees.
Uppity,
I only explained it for the joke, the one where me and Zeus are both banging your mom but we can’t see each other.
How does it feel to be othe only one who doesn’t understand how jokes work?
God’s Overexplaining Servant,
Josh
hmm…the old right backatcha routine, eh? sleep with one eye open, josh. i’ve already killed most of those skinny hipster joshes in billyburg. it was easy, they’re too cool to run away or care that they’re being murdered. “whatever. check out my band’s myspace page after you kill me, okay.” once i’m through scalping all those ironic mullets off of their condescending, LP collecting heads…i move on. closer to my true goal.
DIE JOSH!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!
really, nun? you really can’t believe it? it’s been everything from rotting beef curtains to bruce willis. why not a rolled up, freshly peeled back manatee pelt?
“female parts are confusing. especially your haggard old cave. it’s like an inside out manatee nestled in a briar patch.”
FACE!
Sarah Palin cut funding for single mother’s in Alask and then her 17 year old daughter got pregnant! Excellent smiting God!
God smites in mysterious ways.
Uppity,
“whatever. check out my band’s myspace page after you kill me, okay.” HA!!!!! Please continue killing, the more hipster white dudes murdered in BK the lower rent will go!
Sounds to me like you live in NYC, calling it Billyburg. Someone’s been telling fibs about living in some all white town in the middle of no where.
God’s Detective Servant,
Josh
I played poker with God and Luci once. They showed up with souls to bet. I showed up with goats and virgins…awkward!
i have family and friends in NYC and i am fascinated with hipster culture…for reasons that are difficult to articulate. i admire their dedication to coolness. who’s got that much time?
Uppity,
I like it when a hipster has on super tight pants, yets pulls them down past their ass. It looks weird to me, like they just crapped their pants. My favorite are male gay hipsters, words can not express how fabulous they are; very Flock of Seagulls
God’s Cappy Servant,
Josh
yet, we all have the time to praddle on ad infitum on God’s Divine Blog – odd.
Josh
Used the word “fabulous” to describe gay hipsters. Hmmm?
i know. “skinny pants are for people!,” i often find myself shouting out the window. not everyone can just slap on cool kids clothes and look good. why don’t people get that? oh, the gay hipsters take it to another level. God, i love hipsters. minneapolis has it’s own version of billyburg where i spend endless hours observing them in their natural habitat, criticisizing jukebox selections, chain-smoking, talking about how original their bands are (mostly a group of people who argue about music instead of practicing). fascinating. what are you saying, zeus?
*”skinny pants are for skinny people!”
can’t face me now!
Jeez, where is Curtis when I need him. Say “fabulous” to yourself and then ascribe the term to a particular group.
i think us straights should organize and make an effort to take fabulous back. it was our word first!!
Elton John is pretty fucking fabulous. So is Cher.
So was Rock Hudson and is Niel Patrick Harris.
Rock Hudson was not fabulous, he was just gay. NPH is fabulous but not because he’s a homo… it’s because of his fabulous performance in Harold and Kumar.
Hudson – A Farewell to Arms, Giant … not fabulous? NPH had Doogie Howser too. Okay that wasn’t fabulous.
Rock Hudson was a god amongst mortals. No offense, God.
rage against the machine tried to play an impromptu show at the capitol last night. the cops pulled the plug. so, everyone turned around and marched to the convention to protest. those crazy rock and rollers. i can’t drive anywhere because the secret service shut down half the roads and the other half are full of cops in riot gear. there’s mounted police (don’t even think it, nun), state police, federalis…it’s kind of weird. go away, please.
Zeus,
I used fabulous as a synonym for GAY. “as in words can not express how GAY they are; very Flock of Seagulls” but fabulous does not always mean gay. Case in point see below.
God’s Fabulous Servant,
Josh
I like it when police get mounted. It gets me hot.
Haha… Josh is GAY!!
i KNEW IT!!! now, i don’t have to smite him because God will smite him for me!!
why is it that the RNC are always marred by riots and major arrests, while the DNC never has any problems?
Hey wanna see some pictures of Palin’s underage daughter boozing it up? check it out:
http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/bristol-palin-underage-drinking-pics/
God just keeps smitting Palin when she’s down! You go God!
God’s Registered Voter Servant,
Josh
Rage Against the Machine is awesome! And Wheat Thin, now you know what it is like to live in DC. There is this kinda shit year-round, well, minus the impromptu rock concerts. My new Avatar is awesome too! Much more me.
Crap, what happened to my new avatar!!!
Yes Nun I’m gay. You got me. I hang out with Curtis and Tom Cruise. That was just weak!
ANTI-FACE
I tried to find that simpsons on youtube where Homer says, “I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming” but I can’t.
God’s Disappointed Servant,
Josh
Gayness does not explain the weirdness that is Tom Cruise. I blame Mimi Rogers as women can be blamed for everything that has ever gone wrong with humanity.
new avatar?
No, crap!! Why do you smite me god?!
Zeus,
Your new avatar looks fabulous, and this time I do mean GAY.
God’s Laughing Servant,
Josh
Zeus,
I saved your avatar to my desktop so I could get a better look at it, the name of the file is Green Farts!!!!! God is really getting you.
God’s Regular Servant,
Josh
Nun, I blame Xenu for Cruise. Sure women can be blamed for most problems with humanity (i.e., Pandora and Ann Coulter).
Josh, all my farts a green. Environmentaly friendly gas.
Did anyone read some of the comments the father of Bristol Palin’s baby made on his MySpace page?
“”I’m a f – - -in’ redneck”…”Ya f – - – with me I’ll kick your a$$.”
I can see why Bristol got drunk and let him knock her up.
What a prize.
Referring back to the ‘fabulous’ comments:
Not only was Jesus Divine, he was also faaabulous!
Bristol’s baby’s Daddy is awesome. I love the picture’s of him with Bristol and their guns. http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/bristol-palin-underage-drinking-pics/6/
Zeus,
Blame Mimi Rogers, she introduced him to Xenu. Man, that chick is super tall with massive titties. Amazon Woman Walking.
If Sarah Palin had remained at home, as God intended for women to do, her daughter wouldn’t be a drunken slut with a loser for the daddy.
She is a hottie. I liked her in “In the Loop.” Too bad she is a Xenu-worshipper.
Yes, my newer and better avatar!
Never saw it, Zeus. TV is evil.
Hey… who approves links if God is busy getting a Divine Soak in His Divine Hot Tub?
Zeus,
You need to watch Full Body Massage with Mimi. It was an HBO original gift from the Big Guy.
God’s Ogling Servant,
Josh
Of course it is especially HBO. Which has the most evil, lustful yet wonderful shows on TV including Bill Maher, Entourage, Sopranos, Rome (worshipping me), and Deadwood.
Nun,
I think God gave some of the loyal followers the power to post links. Idiots like “Stuff Parents Like” and that Duck asshole don’t have this gift.
God’s Hyperlinked Servant,
Josh
“who approves links if God is busy getting a Divine Soak in His Divine Hot Tub?”
That would likely be God’s Press Secretary, Snow.
Duck asshole… is that a reference to Cracka? It’s Cracka, Josh. Not Quacka.
Nun,
Nicely played. Am I the only one who remembers that idiot who had a blog about ducks and he would come here and post crap? Remember imaG? All those idiots have fallen at God’s hand!
God’s Happy Servant,
Josh
I don’t remember a duck nut. I remember when The Unpleasant Jew pretended to be Dick Franing and made me
This guy Melvin Pollock is awesome. “that ol god dang er dang at lest er hundred…” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/26532619#26529174
Curtis, do you know anyone like this?
Nun,
I am just a talking head with only the power of the internet at hand, so I can’t help you with link activation. I think God has the site on autopilot while He’s working on the Next Big Thing … He’s posting links from trusted supporters without question.
http://stuffgodhates.wordpress.com/news/
Josh,
This is me with my reading glasses
God,
Why have you so blessed Derek Jeter who has hooked up with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jordana Brewster, Mariah Carey, Lara Dutta, Joy Enriquez, Vida Guerra, Scarlett, Johanssen, Minkha Kelly, Adrianna Lima, Vanessa Minnillo, and Gabriel Union?
I am so taking the form of Derek Jeter.
tony!!! what the fuck happend to your face?!
Tony,
I’m not waiting for link activation but I thank you, kind sir. And it’s Wednesday, God takes Wednesday’s off for… well, only He knows what He does on His Divine Wednesdays. Lucky Divine Bastard, His work week is Monday thru Thursday and He takes Wednesdays off.
ZEUS – Because he’s a humble gentleman with soft eyes and he pleases Me greatly. And I will never let you take his form, so don’t even try. You’re stuck fucking 3,000 year old dead goats. Oh, and nice new avatar. Fag!
CRACKA – Yes! Wonderful! Fine, strong, splendid balls from you today. I am so pleased in fact, I shalll grant you a boon. Email Me with your prayer request and it shall be done.
guy,
My face is stuck but my eyes are wandering …
I can’t even tell what Zeus’ avatar is… is that a huge cock with pinchers on the end of it coming from that guy’s mouth?
I think the guy is pulling on Zeus’ beard with one hand and pulling on his cock with the other hand. Has something to do with green farts?
I think Zeus is blowing the Flying Spaghetti Monster
HA! Good one Smoggy. I agree.
Thanks God,
Any chance of a prayer request? Or failing that, a really nasty and gratuitous smiting?
Smoggy,
God’s new website is under construction, and e-request is not working yet. Until then, please use Rod Parsley’s prayer request service:
https://orders.rodparsley.com/Order_First.aspx?ostr=6RCBlN29wno%3d
Or go to your neighborhood church. Remember: Tithing -> Grace of God !
“Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house; and thereby put me to the test, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you an overflowing blessing.”
God on the Bible – Malachi 3:10
Smoggy – You can always send a prayer request to Me at stuffgodhates@gmail.com. Beg for what you will, but make sure to grovel properly.
Can You hurry up with your point about Sarah Palin?
HA! Check the new post, dingus.
I did, and I reckon you could have done a better job. I have nothing against premarital sex, it’s just that you should wait until you turn 18.
DAMN YOU!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU DO NOT JUDGE GOD! I JUDGE YOU!!
NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK! NOBODY!!!
‘iambetterthanyou,’ YOU ARROGANT BASTARD!!! I SMITE YOU!!!
http://www.videoclipsdump.com/media/511/Moose_Stomp_/
HA! YOU DIDN’T THINK THERE WERE ANY MOOSE IN VERMONT, DID YOU?!
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