Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I am pleased to announce that My Holy Crusade against the heathen nation of China and its evil Olympic games is going splendidly:
Olympics, NBC dogged by fakery accusations
HA! Take that China! It was I, THE ALMIGHTY LORD, who leaked this story to the press and exposed you! Because you refused to bow to My Will and cancel these Olympic games, now the world will forever know just how fake and worthless you are.
Can you believe it? China, the country that invented fireworks, actually resorted to using lame, fakey-looking computer-generated fireworks. Well, they were pathetic and fooled no one. Typical of China.
Also, because no one enjoys watching the ugly sing, China faked their national anthem by having a pretty Chinese girl lip-sync the voice of a hideous, jagged-toothed Chinese girl. Does this not astound you?
In a nation of over a billion people, those commie bastards could not find one beautiful Chinese girl with an equally beautiful singing voice. This is, of course, because China’s most talented and attractive baby girls are all aborted and fed to the Chinese Premier and his cadre of blood-sucking Communist officials.
Lastly, as the picture at the top of this post shows, China (poorly) faked being a decent place to live. Well, it’s not. Oppression, poverty, and mediocre CGI effects are rampant. And now everyone knows it.
AND SO I SMITE YOU CHINA! AND I SMITE YOUR ACCOMPLICE, NBC! I SMITE YOU BOTH WITH SULLIED REPUTATIONS THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER RECOVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
[...] Original post by Stuff God Hates [...]
I hope you have a nice smiting suprise for the closing ceremony!!
What about that Phelps bloke God…is he winning with your helpor Lucifers? If it’s Luc is there any chance you could give us a hint about how you will smite the smarmy over achiveing git?
The thing is, God, China is winning so many freakin’ gold medals that that is all people are going to remember. Because people are stupid. Because You made them!
He made your conceited ass too, lucy.
God, for once I must agree with you, the chinese leaders should be smitten. So go right ahead and do it, what are you waiting for?
Karin – I just told you that I did smite them already, and in the worse way possible (for them). They will die a slow, painful death from embarrassment.
Satanus – shut up.
Natty – I do not help any Olympic athlete. But I do like to build up people before I destroy them, makes their punishment sting more. Phelps will win too many gold medals and China will take him prisoner.
God wrote:
“Because you refused to defy My Will”
What You meant to say was “Because you refused to adhere to My Will”
or
“Because you defy My Will”
Choose one almighty, or choose bother… whatevssss
*Almighty
*both
J-Moke, thank you for your faithful proofreading. We can’t let readers of The Lord’s Blog find ANY flaws, ever, lest they think perchance that I, The Almighty Lord, am fallible.
Of course, I am fallible, but only to Myself, as I am only accountable to Myself. For you humans I am infallible, always and forever.
God,
What’s happening to You? There was a time when if a meer mortal corrected You, there would be blood! Now You’re calm and praising someone who is calling You imperfect, suggesting that you did not know what You God Almighty wrote. Are You loosing Your edge because of the Olympics?
Josh
Josh – you’re right!!! Holy Shit! I’m going soft!!
DAMN YOU J-MOKE!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY LOGIC?! DO NOT EVER ANGER ME AGAIN WITH YOUR PROOFREADERY!!!
J-MOKE – I SMITE YOU!!!
That was wonderful. I feel so much better now. Let’s see that again in slo-mo:
Wow, I could feel that smiting all the way up here! Well smited, My Lord!
good call, josh. good call.
god,
but isn’t george w. bush also a fake president?
when will you smite him?
God,
We all know that those Godless heathen Chinese kill all their baby girls. Yet they have two ‘Chinese’ girls to show the public… an ugly and a cutie. God, it is my opinion that these little girls were actually stolen from Korea so the Chinese don’t look as evil as they really are. Am I right, God?
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/indexFP.php?rn=3906861&cl=9263621&ch=4226726
Whoa… El Chupacabra.
God,
If chupacabras do exist, are they a Divine creation sent to us by You or are they one of Lucifer’s demonic experiments?
the chinese are sneaky. (if not, why would they be so small?) they make poisonous toys to send us. they are small, sneaky poison toy making tibetan monk beating baby killers. and they’re good at gymnastics. like any God fearing society would stress out so much on gymnastics. they must be smited heavily. and what’s with all the MSG? poo poo platter, indeed. no no, not roman noodles; i said lo mein noodles. then, on the way to your house to drop off the overpriced MSG laden greasy noodles, they cause three accidents by travelling 28 mph on the freeway! conspiracy!!!!!!
I HATE the Chinese!!
HATE!!!!!!!!!!
FACE!!!!!!!!!!!
DIE CHINESE SCUM!!!!!!!!!!!
Slant-eyed commie bastards.
God,
In Your infinate wisdom and glory, You’ve answered Your own request. I think Your hitting douchbags with car event would be great in the Olympics.
Thank God that God is back to his Old Testimate ways!!!! More stoning, less turning the other cheek.
Josh
Rainbows? Illusions. Desert mirages? More of the same. You pull a pretty decent mind-fuck when you set yourself to task, so I think you should view this as a form of imitation and hence, a compliment by the Chinese.
the chinese believe in nothing! they’ll cut off your johnson! they’re fucking nihilists, man!!! NIHILISTS!!!
They’ll cut off the white man’s johnson and try to pass it off as their own. The Chinese have tiny penises.
there’s over a billion of them because it takes a hundred chinese penises to satisfy one chinese woman…you know, because they’re so tiny. it’s like nun’s house except that all the penises are MUCH smaller.
God, did You make the Chinese the way they are? This might be a good time to pawn off some creation responsibility onto Buddha or some other slant-eyed deity.
oh god.
I won’t even let the Chinese near my house because their wangs are so tiny. You gotta be packin’ to play with Nun.
They make good food, though.
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never eaten a Chinese person before.
Oh, you should try it. They are delicious! The trick is to get them when they’re young so they aren’t tough and chewy.
I pack three feet.
But that’s of sticky, blood-slurping tongue.
I hope that everyone who complained about the fake fireworks get their money and real fireworks back.
I can think of a lot of things that one could do with a three foot tongue, Bloodvork. Perhaps you and I should go “drinking” one of these nights.
I won’t eat the Chinese, Curtis. My hatred for them is all-encompassing.
WOW….bit disappointed in the amount of racism displayed in this thread…you all hate Chinese people….well fuck you. Did you ever consider some people here might be Chinese themselves? I’m CHINESE YOU ASSHOLES. I know you don’t care, but whatever, we’re a billion strong and will rule the world soon anyway and I’ll remember what you round-eyes said.
Haha… Ben’s a slant-eye.
Shut up, Slant-Eye.
Listen to Ben, didn’t you guys see Firefly? Eventually the Chinese take over. I hope you like Lo Mein and Kung Fu suckas!
Josh
I never really cared for Firefly. It had good fans though.
I never cared for Firefly. It had good fans though.
Stupid anonymous. Stupid WordPress. Stupid cookies.
“we’re a billion strong and will rule the world soon anyway and I’ll remember what you round-eyes said.”
Gosh. I was feeling bad about what I said in this thread. It’s a good thing I came back. I feel better now.
Meh, Chinese, Schminese — We’ll just nuke your asian asses in the end anyways. It’s our God given right. Right, Cracka?
USA! USA! USA!! WHOOT!!
if any of you have ever tasted chinese pussy, you would all be singing a different tune.
I don’t know what all you are complaining about. The Chinese government persecutes Christians and only allows atheism. You would all be very happy there!
Is this a late post? Oh well.
Every Chinese and American athlete, except for the US basketballers and baseballers, must receive a smiting for screwing up the Aussies’ chances.
Bridgette, the romans persecuted christians, not the Chinese.
The problem here is the disrespect of life and free will, same thing the Christians do.
yeah, bridgette doesn’t like being persecuted for her beliefs. good thing she lives in america and is part of the “moral majority” that believes jesus is magic. can you imagine what it would be like to express your beliefs and have someone from some sort of majority group come in and say you’re going to hell or will surely be stoned to death?! that would suck! ben, the over the top racism is obviously tongue in cheek humor. if you don’t get over the top tongue in cheek humor, why do you read this blog? shut up, ben. shut up, bridgette. shut up, china.
unpleasant jew. now that was a funny angry fella. he must’ve really meant his last ban.
Hey Josh,
Interesting that you should mention Firefly. I just watched ‘Serenity’, the movie based on Firefly. A good flick, even though I didn’t know the characters. The ones that died off, were they in the series?
I screwed a Chinese woman once. Half an hour later, I wanted to do her again!
(Yeah, it’s an old joke. But my mind is looking forward to the weekend…)
yo yo,
it’s a good series. Better than the movie. and the people they refer to were in teh series.
Josh
that’s right curtis! God gave us the bomb to use at our discretion and our discretion is too kick ass and take names!!
DIE!! PIGFUCKERS!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*TO kick ass…
it’s not too kick ass, it’s just the right amount of kick ass.
Karin, how can you say that? the Chinese do too persecute Christians!! its just ignorant to say otherwise.
http://www.crossroad.to/News/Persecution/alert/China.htm
HAHA! persecution alert. woot! woot! woot! persecution alert! persecution alert! all hypocrites report to sector 7!
the chinese suppress any religious or political view that is not state sanctioned. they won’t allow chinese citizens who happen to muslims in beijing during the olympics. i like when bridgette calls people ignorant. it’s fun.
*happen to be muslims…
can’t type today.
actually, i think Bridgette makes a good point here and she just faced us all. so on behalf of you Bridgette…
FACE!!!
Don’t miss the unpleasant jew. His humor is best served once every two months. Any more frequently, and you just end up wanting to kick him in the face or draw on his desk.
Josh, I’ll have to see if I can find the series on DVD – it looks good. (I don’t have satellite or cable, so have to depend on DVDs for entertainment. Yeah, it’s primative.)
am i to understand that you work with the unpleasant jew bloodvork??? what’s he like in real life?? i bet he’s unpleasant.
ben, just shut up. bridgette faced no one. karin said something dumb. bridgette followed that with something dumb. it’s pretty much a wash.
how many times do i have to tell this chinese guy to shut up?
bloodvork, good point.
yo yo,
I do not condone illegal downloading but if one was into such horrible things that I am telling you are illegal, you can find all the episodes online since it’s a nerdy show.
God doesn’t hate Asians! Margaret Cho is getting her own reality TV show!
Josh
Margaret Cho is not an Asian. Any evidence to the contrary is simply a figment of your imagination.
God,
What is Your take on Edward Current? He tries to do Your work and spread Your word but stupid atheists use his words against You.
http://www.youtube.com/user/EdwardCurrent
Josh
Josh,
I love Edward. He is spreading My Truth to the world via the tubes.
Watch this one:
It is 100% accurate. I love having that conversation with dead atheists, the look of surprise and horror on their faces is so gratifying.
“He is spreading My Truth to the world via the tubes.”
The Internet is a series of tubes!
haha yoyo, omg i love ted thompson. best quote EVER. I like this music mix bettter tho:
oh and BTW, I was kidding everybody. I’m not Chinese. I’m a big fat white dude. Fuck those slant-eyes. Fuck them right in their sideways vaginas.
don’t try it Ben, you’re probably super Chinese like sho kosugi, except fat.
Josh
But do you like Chinses food, Ben? My Friday isn’t complete unless I go to the all-you-can-eat buffet at the China Dina.
Sometimes the owner tries to make me stop, but I point out it’s all I can eat.
‘Chinses’ =’Chinese’. Chinses sounds like a multiple ethnic slur.
Josh, learn how to spell.
Ben, shut up. Doesn’t matter at this point what shape your eyes are, you’re still a dumb-ass. And not a very funny one at that.
Nun, you’re totally right. Cho is American-born, and thus pseudo-Asian (especially because she isn’t fluent in anything but English). Besides, she’s bisexual and supports humanitarian efforts. Doesn’t sound especially Asian to me. DUH.
I really love this quote from the linked article:
‘Accusation: NBC is time stamping West Coast feeds of competition coverage with a “Live” tag even though the coverage is not live.
NBC Response: A spokesperson points out the constant “Live” tag is accompanied by twice-per-hour time stamps that inform West Coast viewers that the event was only live on the East Coast (ex. “10:05 ET”).
“The audience makeup of the Olympics is very much like that of ‘American Idol’ and ‘Dancing with the Stars’ which have ‘live’ season finales presented in much the same way,” an NBC Sports spokesperson says. “You assume there’s a large amount of intelligence in the viewing audience, so when they see those twice-an-hour time stamps they’ll understand what is being presented.”‘
They assume there’s intelligence in people that watch Idol?!?! WTF? What alternate universe does NBC live in? I don’t know what they’re smoking, but damn if I don’t want some.
uppity cracka – you are definitely going to regret saying that “Jesus is magic.” Magic is clearly the realm of satan. That is heresy and dsirespectful to my faith and I hate how people like you think you can say such things and never face any consquence.
I feel sorry for you depressed atheists really I do. You’re all so negative all the time you must be so miserable. But there is still hope for you I pray. I pray all the time for the people like you who are so lost.
know this and you can still be saved. Jesus is Lord, and whoever believes in Him shall be granted eternal life!
Bridgette,
You’re totally right, Jesus is not magic. He was a Jewish guy that lived in Israel 2000 years ago. However, I don’t think he was ever “lord” of anything, and there’s no such thing as eternal life. Close, but no cigar. Sorry hon.
Actually, Bridgette, YOU are insulting and disrespectful to me. How dare you judge me. I am definitely not an atheist and actually I am quite happy, thank you. I just don’t see the need to try and shove my narrow minded, fundamentalist, idiotic dogma.
God gave us a brain for a reason. Why don’t you honor God and start using yours? I don’t think that you’re stupid, I just don’t believe you have the courage to question your outdated dogma and THINK for yourself. You’re the one I feel sorry for.
And one last thing, God really does have a sense of humor. At least mine does. Really, Bridgette. Why do you keep visiting this blog if it bothers you so much? I told you before. The rule of the internet is if you don’t like something you read, then do visit another site.
Bridgette,
I was raised a Baptist and made a conscious decision to step away from organized religion. Don’t you dare pray for me you arrogant bitch!
I hate how you believe you’re the only one who is right and you come in here and pass judgement. You’re nothing but a fucking hypocrite and God hates hypocrites. Something you and other Jesus-freaks continually fail to grasp.
Amen, Sister. Preach it!
I am quite sure that the real God is not happy with any of you.
I am quite sure that He’s not happy with you either, you ignorant twit.
Wooooo, everyone’s fired up today…
I like the way I get all bitchy and my gravatar keeps on smiling. You go, you cute little gravatar you.
‘depressed’? Bless your chubby cheeks, Bridgette, I’m not depressed. I’m gay (in an 1890′s way).
Eh, Nun, you’re bitchy, but in a thoroughly loveable and intelligent way. If I was into the poon I’d be all over you.
Yeah, I never did address the “depressed” bit in Bridgie’s tirade. I became sooooooo much happier when I finally chucked Catholicism and the accompanying guilt.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just noticed my little avatar is a SQUARE.
sooo inaccurate.
much better.
god,
aren’t tom cruise and john travolta working for you too?
god,
the chinese are now number 1 both in medals and rankings
Your Friend Crystal,
Awww… I have a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly and it’s not because Lucifer gave me a communicable disease. If I was a poon-hound like God, rest assured that I’d be all over you too.
A Pharisee,
That’s because the Chinese are Godless, cheating, slant-eyed heathens. Have I mentioned how much I hate the Chinese?
i find bridgette’s assumptions to be adorable in a “oh, look at the baby try to walk” kind of way. i’m totally into poon. but, i’m married. otherwise, i’d totally be all over both of your gravatars. then i’d have to wipe off the screen.
bridgette, this is a humor blog. i really can type ANYTHING without consequence. anything. even that you are a dumb fat twot that seriously needs to have an orgasm. we’re not being negative, stupid, it’s humor. i think we’ve all declared our levels of happiness to you already, you miserable, brainwashed halfwit. well, enjoy being afraid that god hates sex and rock and roll music. have fun at the next pot luck social.
I wonder what Bridgette is going to think when she finds out that hubby has been sleeping with his assistant because Bridgette is a dead fish in bed.
A Pharisee,
The Chinese are #1 because they think it’s super cool to be big fucking cheater faces.
Also, really really sad moment from the Women’s Gymnastics. The commentator mentioned that one of the Chinese gymnasts (the one that doesn’t look twelve, apparently she’s 20, holy crap) came from a family of peasants, and her becoming an Olympian changed her family’s lives. Too bad she begged her family to let her come home and they wouldn’t let her.
Hi, that’s lame.
On another note:
Too bad Bible-thumping isn’t an Olympic sport. Ditto on Twinkie-bingeing. Bridgette would win a gold medal in both.
oh, i forgot to address bridgette’s “magic” quote. so, she’s saying she believes in magic, but that it comes from the devil? so, she doesn’t believe jesus is magic because he’s not from the devil (things only come from jesus or the devil, you know). not magic, just able to do things like appear on a cheetoh or be worshipped by cavemen and their servant girls 2,000 years after he died…sounds like neat magic tricks to me.
Nun, Crystal — If I were into poon, I’d do you both. Unfortunately, I like the cock, so the best I can do is help you pick out shoes.
Oh, and Bridgette, comment #80 — Guess what? The “real” God doesn’t CARE! Don’t you think He’s got better things to do with His time??
Do yourself a favor, Sweetie, and just hush now.
NO!! You’re supposed to help me with my hair! Remember? I suck at hair. Don’t worry, God gave me back my sweet, sweet chiba so I am no longer violent and belligerent.
It’s ok Curtis. I totally empathize with your love of the wang because I share it.
I want to go drinkin’ with Cracka. I think you’d be a laugh riot.
drive your ass to cotton, mn this weekend. my laugh riot friends from all over the country will be having some drunken olympic shenanigans for approximately 72 consecutive hours. yeah, it’s freakin’ hilarious.
Ummm… any of those shenanigans include wild and crazy sex, Cracka?
Oh, and Cracka… ‘drinking’ is code… Curtis has a crush on you.
huh. i never knew about the gay code. what does “laugh riot” mean? straight dudes don’t use codes. we pretty much just straight up say it. the shenanigans are unpredictable. pretty sure we could work something out for you, nun. there’s usually 25 of us.
“Magic is clearly the realm of satan.”
-Dummy
Does that mean when Ian McKellen dies, Saint Peter will stand before him at the pearly gates and say “YOU SHALL NOT PAAAAASSSSSS!”
Bridgette, I am interested in learning about this subject.
If magic is the work of the devil, does turning water into wine not count? If it doesn’t what does it count as? Divine intervention? If so, how do you tell the difference between a magician and a messiah? Do all magicians have to wear a cape and top hat so that you know they are instruments of Satan?
yes, please clarify. who performs miracles in god’s name and who performs them in the devil’s name? maybe lucifer can help us out on this one. is criss angel from the devil? oh no! my grandpa used to pull quarters out from behind my ear!!! my grandpa was a satan worshipper!!!!!
Criss Angel is most definitely an instrument of Satan. I mean, he got it on with Britney. That’s despicable.
yeah, at this point, only a devil loving anarchist with beer goggles on could srew that skank.
is it wrong of me to say that she was so mucher hotter when she was underaged? or is that one of those statements with consequences that bridgette was talking about. she’s so much smarter than me, closing her eyes and talking to the wall for hours asking her imaginary friend to help totally happy, normal, well adjusted people she’s never met to become delusional and join some weird cult. okay, maybe not “normal”.
Remember, kids, this is a humorous blog. I think ‘Bridgette’ is a guy, and is playing a role. But who am I to cut ‘her’ down? I’ll play along.
‘Bridgette’, you Twinkie-licking (take that any way you wish), thunder-thighed, Bible-thumpin’ twit, go eat a donut to orgasm! (Wait, did I mix in a posting for Nun?)
bridgette is a left wing operative who spends the day saying dumb things to make the religious right appear even dumber than it already is.
if bridgette is playing a character i give her respect for never breaking character. i can’t even stay in character for the whole day.
when bridgette prays for us do you think it goes like: “dear jesus, please save uppity cracka, nun ur damned bizness, bloodvork, and yoyomama, and…”? god’s up there like “what the hell is this fat mope talking about?”
i never even CONSIDERED that Bridgette may be fronting! The implications! WOW.
btw, Yo Yo, “twinkie-licking”…. well done mang. that was nice. really gets a nice mental image.
The Government has found a new way of controlling the public. They are now putting rainbows inside our sprinklers.
http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/08/04
As hard as it is to believe, there are definitely people as dumb as Bridgette out there.
Heh, thanks, Crystal.
LOL, that video was scary – I hope the crazy lady goes back in her house for another twenty years.
any posts you see as me isn’t me.
and bloodvork misses tony.
I have banned this blog forever and will never post again.
god’s a tool
Cracka,
It is not the gay code. It is the heathen, athiest code. Remember, I’ve gone ‘drinking’ with Lucifer and it did not include consuming mass quantities of alcohol. ‘Laugh riot’ is probably comparable to ‘drinking’ but that’s really a question that only Curtis can answer.
As for Bridgette, I’ve considered the same thing that Yo Yo mentioned but then I smoked some of that sweet, sweet chiba and realized that I don’t give a good God damn if she’s faking or not.
If she is serious, then I wonder the same thing that Cracka wonders… how does she refer to us when she prays for us? My name isn’t really Nun so if she’s praying for Nun then God is probably getting really confused about which one of His Sisters needs help.
and he likes balls in his mouth
Somebody catch Unpleasant Jew so we can pin a foreskin on him!!
bloodvork and ben lick each other’s scrotums.
this blog hasn’t been funny since like entry #10
ok. maybe #11
Hey Curtis, I would be interested in a date with you.
Jew, weren’t you banning this blog?
god, ben, bloodvork and cooper swim in pools of seamen.
I don’t lick anything that isn’t bleeding.
yes you do. fags. bleeding or not. you love fags. fag.
how many fags does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Can’t be the Jew we love to hate.
Curtis, how do you feel about dating jews?
two. one to screw in the lightbulb. one to fuck the other up the ass.
fags.
Are the screwer of the lightbulb or the ass?
how many unpleasant jews does it take to ban a blog?
one. me. banned.
how many unpleasant jews does it take to unban a blog?
one. me. unbanned.
seamen? not semen?
i’m bannign this blog, too. i don’t even know what that means.
How many Jews does it take to make a retard?
One… Fake Unpleasant Jew
Is today opposite-day? Is the Jew losing his mind??
Q: what do bloodvork and ben have in common?
A: they both have AIDS
FROM EACH OTHER!!
what? the hell did I do? and that wasn’t even funny. shutup jew.
I’d love to go out with you, Jew, but I think it would be an unpleasant evening. I don’t think you’d be a “laugh riot” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
I think when Bridgette prays for our unhappy, depressed, atheist souls, I think he turns to his right, and says, “Jesus Christ! What the fuck is she talking about?!?”
Get it?
Luckily for jew, ass to mouth only spreads hepatitis.
Q: what does god and ben and bloodvork have in common?
A: god has AIDS too. he got it from a threesome with with ben and bloodvork.
FAGS!
i know he’s a bigot and he’s obnoxious…but, i love him.
bloodvork, i would advise against talking shit about ATM
don’t worry curtis, i’m much more pleasant when there is a cock in my mouth
I’d rather stay and play than go off to a meeting. Stupid work.
ass to mouth! ass to mouth!
Oh! Jew, see you at 7:00, then!!
cocks all around!
Ummm… Curtis, before you stick your weiner in Jew’s mouth, make sure he’s not going to bite it off. I’m not sure I like this Jew. He confuses and perplexes me.
butt
Mmmm… I will admit that I love me some good cock.
poop
i have a boner
in my butt
hole
because i’m doing my best ben impression
Where’s God when you need Him? God, can you look up the IP address on this Jew poser and Smite him Heavily?
ben has a boner in his but all the time
how do you know i’m not god?
i (god) am a homo afterall
You’re just really lame, Unpleasant Jew.
YoYo – All these posts from Unpleasant Jew are indeed from the same IP address. However, I will not smite him as he is one of MY Chosen People. Plus, he makes Me laugh.
pfft. if i were the real unpleasant jew, would i even be POSTING on this blog? last i checked the unpleasantly jew banned this place.
God, my bad. I forgot that You laugh at the retarded.
Corky/Jew, sorry about the smiting.
that’s true. the unpleasant jew would never post here without saying how stupid it is.
this place is stupid
Better, fake Jew.
I just got back from my mission of replacing The Hot Girl In Accounting’s mouse ball with Silly Putty while she was on break. (I’m the IT guy.)
This should be fun.
why don’t you just sleep with her, already? you’re driving us all nuts with this mid-life crisis of yours. your wife will understand. have the jew inform her, he’s very tactful.
yo bitch. you’re old an ugly. nigga’s gots ta get some younger pussy.
that’s what i’d say.
then i’d slap her
Nawww…I don’t want to catch anything…or end up in a one room apartment, eating a can of beans over the sink because it’s too much bother to heat them up…cursing because now I don’t have wifey or Ms. Nip-Slip…staring out the window waiting for dawn because I couldn’t pay the Internet bill, so no porn for a month…
Damn. I’m headed back to Accounting, with a new mouse.
‘then i’d slap her’ But, she likes that.
hmm…she’s that hot, huh? hot enough that you actually thought through all the way to the end. wow. still, the jew’s method sounds pretty good.
I’ve already had my mid-life crisis. But it only lasted ten minutes, so no problem.
Blonde, nice legs, wears short skirts (I’m a leg man) with heels, always has a pleasant smile…a sweet laugh…does this hair-flip thing…
I gotta go.
wait. before you jerk off make sure you find bloodvork so he can open his mouth and wait.
yoyo, aren’t we all leg men? and breasts men? and ass men? and pretty face men? and hair men?
damn jew. he nailed that one.
Do you anticipate him bleeding?
There is no open state for my mouth.
I don’t have a mouth in the traditional sense.
That’s like saying “open that hose.”
bloodvork’s “in-characterness” is as gay as bloodvork himself.
cracka, I like legs n’ butt more than breasts, anything more than a ‘C’ cup is a waste that God should redistribute to the flatter women.
I replaced The Hot Girl’s mouse before she had a chance to try out the Silly Putty mouse ball.
I’m going to replace my coworker’s mouse, and ask him if he’s got soft balls.
“bloodvork’s “in-characterness” is as gay as bloodvork himself.”
At least.
Bloodvark, the only time I’ve ever bled through Mr. Happy was when I strained something trying to lift a car engine.
bally balls
Yo Yo said: “…anything more than a ‘C’ cup is a waste…”
Shut the fuck up, Yo Yo.
And I thought God had better taste in what He finds funny. I think God’s been smoking too much of that sweet, sweet chiba.
What the fuck did I just say!?! You can NEVER smoke too much of the sweet, sweet chiba.
who is this asshat going around first pretending to be the unpleasant jew (who is way funnier) and then pretending to be bloodvark?!? poser jew/bloodvark, say something funny or go find somewhere else to post.
So, Nun, what size are YOU? Just curious. If you are really a man, please don’t tell us.
Crystal, I miss the fake Jew.
Of course, I’ve had time to reload…
yo yo,
the fake jew isn’t funny, though. well, i don’t think so. maybe it’s because, being from san francisco, i’ve heard pretty much every fag joke in the book, starting from when i found out what a fag is.
i’m in agreement that with boobies, all you need is a handful. this coming from a c-cup. but if you have more, well then God bless you. and your cleavage.
shut up, faghag
the proper terminology for cute girl that hangs out with gays is “fruit fly”.
and don’t be jealous that i have better hair than you.
what happens when a jew with a boner walks into a wall?
he breaks his nose.
My wife is a B cup, it’s good, I don’t want to sprain my thumbs.
‘Sprain my thumbs’? What movie was that from?
i like having small boobies. means they stay perky.
Did you ever do the pencil test? And yeah, my wife’s are still nicely perky, quivering like warm, fresh flans…I gotta go pick up some Mexican food, and dessert.
I accidentally pasted my website into my email address slot, so that wasn’t a poser for me earlier.
However, God has already confirmed that all of Jew’s posts came from the original IP.
Also Crystal, you know what else helps them stay perky? Exercise.
pencil test? someone clue me in.
i would never say faghag.
i’d say douchey mcgee.
bloodvark,
my bad…..
um. yeah, i try to exercise, but i can’t if i’m working. like right now.
fagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfagfag
Yo Yo,
D cup but they’re still perky and I’ve had a kid. Don’t ask me how I got so lucky but I hear about it a LOT. It must be because of God’s immense love for me.
Thanks for my big perky titties, God!!
Dude!
And I prefer fag-hag to fruit-fly to be honest.
faghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghagfaghag
The pencil test: Hang a pencil under your breast and see if it falls (perky), or is stuck (saggy).
It’s in Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pencil_test
Or, measure the angle the nip makes. The higher it points, the worse. Horizontal is good, but not often seen.
God,
Why is ‘homo’ repeated over and over again funny? I’m trying to be more like You, God but I just don’t understand how that’s funny.
unpleasant jew (of dubious legitimacy),
come out and play!!!!!!!!! you’re talking a lot about fags, and i’m starting to think you are one. it’s ok, we’ll still love you.
nun,
god hath blessed thee with a large, perky rack. good job.
NUN IS GETTIN’ ANGRY!!! RAARRRGGGHHH!!!
fag hag indicates inability to congregate with attractive hetero males.
vagina
God!!
Where are You????
unpleasant jew,
ask politely and you will recieve.
on your face.
Oh, I disagree, Crystal. I congregate just fine with attractive hetero males. I just want them to go home when I’m done with them.
ah. good point. nothing i hate more than sleeping with a guy that wants to “cuddle” (read “smother”) me.
Agreed, Crystal!! Fucking pussy ass men.
oh god, my ex was the worst. like sleeping next to a space heater on crack. and he’d latch on with a death grip.
I’m a solitary individual and want to be left alone when I slumber.
One of my exes was a bigger guy… not obese mind you but definitely on the fat side. I tried not to judge him based on physical appearance. HA!! I won’t do that again. If you have to balance your fat belly on my back when we do it doggy-style, find another bitch to fuck. I still try not to judge people based on their physical appearance but I do draw the line at fatties.
And the Chinese. I hate them.
And being that Americans are a bunch of fat-asses, I’ve probably offended a whole bunch of fatties on this blog… sorry, fatties.
i’m officially banning this blog again.
any posts you see from “me” between now and the next time i post will be others posting as me, just as many today were.
this blog: BANNED!
ugh. good riddance, extremely unpleasant jew.
nun, i’ve never been much for the chubby chasing. i can deal with a little baby gut, but i have to agree with the resting of the homer simpson status gut during doggy style bit as being absolutely shudder-inducing.
I don’t know why Jew pulled that shit but I kind of hope God bans him for that Dick Franing bullshit.
that was pretty lame.
Well, for the record, the Jew stood me up! There was no love of the cock for me tonight. Unpleasant indeed! I think he’s really Chinese. You’re right, Nun. I hate the Chinese too!
UNPLEASANT JEW!!! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY BLOG! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDISH ANTICS!
I SMITE YOU HEATHEN!!!
YOU ARE NO LONGER ONE OF MY CHOSEN PEOPLE!
YOU ARE BANNED FOREVER!!
AND THERE ARE MANY MORE SMITINGS TO COME FOR YOU!
Way to go, god!!
WOOHOO!! You go, God!!
God- The blog full of idiots who think they are smart (a frighteningly dumb combo)
HOLY SPIRIT, you just ain’t funny.
shut up, HOLY SPIRIT. that comment didn’t even make sense.
Hey, Your Supreme Beingness, I saw what You did there. Putting up that humongous projection of the BSOD on the arena wall just in time for the flying guy with the torch to glide past it was more than a Stroke of Genius – it was a Stroke of Omnipotence! I mean, Smiting the Chinese Geek Army with a Microsoft malfunction in front of a billion viewers………… Priceless beyond rubies!
http://gizmodo.com/5035456/blue-screen-of-death-strikes-birds-nest-during-opening-ceremonies-torch-lighting
“Bridgette
I don’t know what all you are complaining about. The Chinese government persecutes Christians and only allows atheism. You would all be very happy there!”
???
I have many relatives who live in China who are happy Christians and aren’t persecuted. The people who were persecuted from the site you showed later were persecuted by Chinese people who believe in what they believe in strictly, like you do with your bible. They are like the China-fundie people.
Basically, anyone who is too strict in their own beliefs and FORCE it on others, as you do, turn out like that. Look at the way you speak to people. I kind of felt bad for you because people reacted by defending themselves here, but seriously, listen to yourself.
You are just as self righteous as those persecutors in China. You force your shit on others like Hitler did. And, to top it off, you all think you’re the one who is right.
I hope you realize that you are human, just like me, and we all have our own thoughts and neither of us are right.