Ask God: August

In this monthly feature, The Almighty first answers a few of the many questions He has recently received. Afterwards, mortals will be given the opportunity to ask God one (and only one) question. And if The Lord is feeling generous, He may actually answer. QUESTION #1: Nun: A question for you, God… do you ever [...]

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The LORD’s Quest for the Ultimate Deity Championship

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God’s Game Challenge

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! Today I spent all day and all night playing this videogame sent to Me by one of My minions: Faith Fighter At first I was thrilled. I love what the creators did in [...]

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God on The Bible – Deuteronomy 23:1 (No Penis)

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! Witness now the glorious truth of MY DIVINE WORD: “A man whose testicles have been crushed, or whose penis has been cut off, must not be admitted to the congregation of Yahweh.” In [...]

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#41 God

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and sob before the Wonderful Words of The Lady Madonna, as written by The Blessed Virgin Mary herself! Shalom! Shalom everyone! It’s me, the Blessed Virgin Mary. I thought I’d take a break from appearing to you all in grilled cheese sandwiches and restaurant drains to give [...]

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#40 Cancer Patients

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! So I was relaxing in the Heavenly Hot Tub with a gaggle of hot naked angel chicks this weekend – having a glorious time I must say – when who should burst through [...]

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God on The Bible – Genesis 38:6-10 (Wasted Sperm)

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! Witness now the glorious truth of MY DIVINE WORD: 6 For his first son Er, Judah got a wife whose name was Tamar. 7 Er’s conduct was evil, and it displeased the LORD, [...]

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God in the News – Chinese Olympics

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! Today I am pleased to announce that My Holy Crusade against the heathen nation of China and its evil Olympic games is going splendidly: Olympics, NBC dogged by fakery accusations HA! Take that [...]

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#39 The Olympics

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! So I laid down in My Almighty Throne Room on Friday after a long day of relaxing, and flipped on the television. And what do I find? The stupid Me-damned Olympics are back, [...]

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God in the News – Bullshit Lawsuit

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF! Today I was once again googling My Name, as I am wont to do, when I saw this preposterous story: Senator Suing God Urges Judge to Proceed What an utterly ridiculous, absolutely frivolous [...]

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