Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
Today I give you all a great gift – a brand new and what I plan to be regular feature of My Divine Blog, “God on the Bible.” As I consider you humans to be inestimably dense, let Me explain; in this space I will discuss Bible verses I have selected.
Today’s Bible Verse:
“He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.” — Leviticus 24:16
This is without question the very best Bible verse I ever wrote. It captures everything humans need know about Me in one perfect and divine sentence. And that is this; do not fricking disrespect Me! If you do I shall either kill you or arrange to have you killed.
Moreover, I describe how I want My Flock to put sinners to death – by throwing rocks of various sizes at them until they have died a painful death. If only I had been this specific throughout the rest of My Book.
I do love a good stoning. The painting at the top of this post honors the best one I’ve ever seen – the stoning of the despicable ‘Saint Stephen.’ Ordered to be killed for his blasphemy by the noble Saint Paul, ‘Saint Stephen’ took his stoning like a little bitch. I make sure to watch the tape of this at least once a month for a good laugh.
Yet, despite My Clear instructions of what to do to those who blaspheme My Name, I see far too few stonings these days. It seems the only nations who truly honor Me anymore are all Muslim. Christians, why can’t you be more like the Muslims? Sure, there are good public stonings in South USA from time to time, but that hardly counts. I want to see passionate and publicly condoned stonings of the wicked in the streets of London, Paris, New York, and San Francisco. Wouldn’t that be grand? Until then I will have no choice but to continue to smite you all one by one.
I would like to greet you but I am not getting words to greet you. It is a great gift for the people. Reading this bible inspires me, thought I have read many versions of bibles but did not get the answers of the questions which arise in my mind. God is an incredible word which is not having its exact meaning. I made the bible search , but did not get the exact meaning of God. You are the person who gives the answer to the question that what is God?
I would like to greet you but I am not getting words to greet you. It is a great gift for the people. Reading this bible inspires me, thought I have read many versions of bibles but did not get the answers of the questions which arise in my mind. God is an incredible word which is not having its exact meaning. I made the bible search , but did not get the exact meaning of God. You are the person who gives the answer to the question that what is God?
God, please throw stones at Susan Lange. Make that huge, elongated mollusk-peppered volcanic rocks.
Or at least throw a book at her titled “How to Figure Out When Something Involves an Element of Sarcasm.”
Also, I cast my earwax at your breakfast flakes.
what about PZ myers, let’s go: smite! (LOL)
I know all blasphemers in the world, and I can tell you that a great number of them are almost constantly stoned.
Good line, Lucifer!
God-
But you love us…..right?
Also, should we congregate to stone double-posting nincompoops like Susan Lange?
Personally, THIS blasphemer is certainly stoned a great deal, Lucifer.
Bridgette: “Best… post… EVER.”
Susan, I am not being able to understanding those there words that you are to being using.
Susan Lange said: ??????
What the fuck!?!?!
okay, all right, feeling good…ready to stone some heretics!
susan lange,
we are in not need of your bible search. the questions we have questioned are given to them words from God’s holy blog. if you must spam, spam in this: nun’s crotch.
‘Susan Lange’ is an anagram for ‘Angels Anus’.
Read into this what you wish.
That’s it, cracka. You’re goin’ down!!
you keep threatening me, but you never throw the rocks. i’m ready for some e-violence!!
I’m afraid it would give you a boner.
Speaking of boners… did anybody else notice how easily the Weasel attracts pussy? I was thinking ‘damn, you go guy’.
no, didn’t notice. i noticed that you were all up on him, but every new guy that comes in here has a streak of your vaginal discharge of his virtual pant leg within 30 seconds anyway…so, i let it go.
back to business: God, we want to be a good flock but we have a few problems: identifying heretics; what are we looking for? liberals; they will try to have us arrested for murder. don’t they know that the only real murder is the murder of frozen embryos?
Susan Lange=Sensual Nag
is susan lange Bridgette’s thinner avatar?
Check out the comments on his blog… he’s got chickies all over him.
I just want to breed with him. Big difference.
Nun said: “I just want to breed with him. Big difference.”
You just brought this board to a screeching halt.
What if one uses the word Jehova, Yaweh, or Allah? Does that still count as blasphemy?
Our smart-ass demon spawn would only bring good to this world, Yo.
judging by the looks of your avatars, your child would be very sharp and pointy.
I suppose it’s better to be sharp and pointy than round and bulbous. No offense to you round and bulbous avatars.
my avatar is grumpy, that’s because i’m all uppity and stressed out all the time.
It’s because you’re a cracka and everybody knows that crackas are miserable wretches.
i know, we are too. it’s pretty rad…like the BMX movie. i hate everything!! stone them all!! this one is short enough for the jew to read, i wonder if he’s going to read it and say something unpleasant?
You are speaking of Rad, the story of Cru Jones.
Nun, the birthing would be extra painful, with all those points.
My avatar is square, that must mean I am rock-solid, dependable, etc.
Dunno why it has a horrified look.
bloodvork’s avatar actually resembles what i imagine a cartoon bloodvork should look like.
yoyo’s is a terrified vampire square…
have we run out of things to talk about?
Yo Yo,
Your avatar = boring. Except for that horrified look, that’s pretty cool.
And I had planned on having Weasel carry our spawn to term. He gets the joy of birth and delivery. I’m just a really giving person in that way. Sometimes my generosity amazes myself.
anyone read PZs latest adventure with the catholic church?
it’s amazing, the level of delusion:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/07/its_a_goddamned_cracker.php
Heh, I miss the Expelled blog – used to be fun to listen to the IDiots and and Cretins burble and foam at the mouth.
uppity cracka, are you one of those sacred, consecrated, Bit of Jesus crackers? I can understand why you’d be uppity.
From the PZ blog’s comments:
“Those fuckwits worship an imaginary asshat who told his acolytes, “Eat me,” and his name wasn’t even Michael Valentine Smith. They give these gomers drivers licenses and guns, too.”
there’s some priceless stuff on the comments section
Christ Crispies. That’s classic.
i AM a sacred jesus cracker, yes. it means that i am better than all the other crackers. now, should we go stone the kid who took one of my cracker brethren from God’s holy whatever? that should make God happy, he said he wants to see some stoning.
I’m stoned right now. That should make God happy.
that’s the 3rd weed joke already. we need some new material. where’s the prophet? he’s good for a laugh.
UNDERSTANDING ALLAH, JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT
Nabil Haroun
All prophets of God preached the same simple truth of the One
Sovereign God.
Who Is Allah? Who Is God?
Allah is God. The name Allah is the Arabic word for God. More precisely, it is the One Eternal Creator, Lord of the whole universe.It is the same Arabic name for God that is used in the Arabic Bible.
It is pronounced almost the same in other Semitic languages: “Eloha” in Hebrew, and “Allaha” in Aramaic. According to Jesus (peace be upon him), God is One, with no partner whatsoever. I quote the following
verses from the Bible:
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and him only.’” (Matthew 4:10)
“Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him.” (Mark 12:32)
“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.’” (Mark 12:29)
Who Is Jesus?
Jesus is one of a long string of prophets of Allah sent to all nations throughout history, starting from Adam, who received the first guidance from Allah, to the final one, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon them all).
According to the Bible, Jesus was sent particularly to the Israelites, to set them back on the proper track of Moses. The Gospels record these words of Jesus:
“I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of
Israel.” (Matthew 15:24)
“Think not that I am come to destroy the law or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you: ‘Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.’” (Matthew 5:17-18)
The Qur’an, which Muslims consider the direct revelation says what means:
*{The Messiah (himself) said: O Children of Israel, worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Lo! whoso ascribeth partners unto Allah, for him Allah hath forbidden Paradise. His abode is the Fire. For evil-doers there will be no helpers.}* (Al-Ma’idah 5:72)
Jesus was a full human Prophet of God, as he emphatically declared:
“As it is, you are determined to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God.” (John 8:40)
“What things?” he asked. “About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people.” (Luke 24:19)
Again, the Qur’an also affirms Jesus’s prophethood:
*{And when Jesus son of Mary said: O Children of Israel! Lo! I am the messenger of Allah unto you, confirming that which was (revealed) before me in the Torah}* (As-Saff 61:6)
In all aspects, the Gospels portray him as a human who was born and circumcised (Luke 2:5-7, 21, 40, 52, 11:27); who suffered hunger and thirst (Matthew 4:2, 11:19, 21:18); who got tired and slept like any human being (Matthew 8:20, 24-25, Luke 8:23, Mark 4:38, John 4:6); who
was subject to human feelings of fear, astonishment, and sadness (Matthew 26:37, Mark 14:33-34, John 11:33, 35, 38); and who prayed to his Creator like any human believer does (Mark 1:35, 14:35, Luke 5:16, 6:12).
Logically speaking, having no father does not mean he was the son of God. Adam had neither father nor mother, yet both Adam and Jesus are bondsmen of Allah created by His will and power, by His word “Be” — Adam from earthly dust, and Jesus in the womb of Virgin Mary.
This is precisely and unequivocally defined in the Qur’an as follows:
*{The similitude of Jesus before Allah is as that of Adam; He created him from dust, then said to him: “Be”. And he was.}* (Aal `Imran 3:59)
So neither Jesus nor Adam is a son of God. References to Jesus in the Bible as son of God should not be taken in the literal sense, rather in the metaphoric sense of affection and nearness to God.
Jesus himself affirms that we are all “sons” of God in this sense:
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)
“In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see
your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)
Similar references to human beings as “sons of God” are also used in the Old Testament:
“You are the children of the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 14:1)
Finally, in his own words, Jesus declared himself as the Son of Man:
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20)
“Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up.” (John 3:14)
Can We See God?
Our human capabilities are limited by the nature of our senses: vision in a certain wavelength range (4 to 7 X10-7 meters), hearing in a certain frequency range (2.500 to 4,000 cycles per second). Even the power of our instruments, however advanced, is limited in two ways:
scale: by the huge universal dimensions in light years
nature: to our detectable electromagnetic wave systems. So we cannot see or detect anything different from or beyond (in nature, time, or space) these systems: neither the angels nor any non-earthly being,nor God the Creator and Dominator of all His creation.
This is affirmed both in the Qur’an and in the Bible:
*{No vision can grasp Him, but His grasp is over all vision: He is above all comprehension, yet is acquainted with all things.}* (Al- An`am 6:103)
“Ye have neither heard his voice at any time, nor seen his
shape.” (John 5:37)
Are God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit the Same?
First: who is the Holy Spirit? A careful reading of the Gospels
clarifies that the Holy Spirit is the Angel Gabriel.
Compare the two narrations of Matthew and Luke:
Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. (Matthew 1:18)
And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth, to a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary.
(Luke 1:26-27).
This accords with the Qur’an:
*{Then We sent her our angel [literally, spirit], and he appeared before her as a man in all respects. … He [the angel] said: “Nay, I am only a messenger from thy Lord, (to announce) to thee the gift of a
holy son.”}* (Maryam 19:17,19)
So God the Lord, Jesus the human prophet, and the Holy Spirit Gabriel are each separate. The doctrine of the Trinity was never preached by Jesus, nor by his followers for three centuries. The word “trinity” is nowhere in the Bible. The whole concept was derived from the words of John, who never met Jesus.
The myth of trinity gradually crept into Christianity, influenced by pagan beliefs and Greek mythology, and was adopted by Council of Nicaea in 325 CE.
God, please Smite that yahoo.
Looks like we’re probably going to have another Dick Franing smiting.
Bloodvork, we can only hope.
shut up, jane.
Soylent Green is Jesus!
A cartoon bloodvark actually looks like this.
http://whiteboardblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/hello.jpg
jane abraham = bridgette’s youth pastor
jane abraham is going to get SOOOOOOOOO smited.
thank you for the educational illustration bloodvork.
shut up, cooper.
“jane abraham = bridgette’s youth pastor”
Bridgette, how old are you? Calendar years, not intellectual/emotional level.
also, bridgette, do you live in the dirrrty souf?
Jane Abraham you just added 12 seconds to the amount of time I spent in my life scrolling.
May the Facts of Life cast invade your home for an erotic gifting party.
Who said I was joking, Cracka?
And I hope Jane Abraham’s clit falls off.
she already volunteered for genital mutilation to preserve her purity. it was pretty gross.
First, I get spam trying to give me a new mortgage. Then how to enlarge my penis (really, it’s just fine). I have more links to lesbian porn that I care to count. Then my long lost second cousin in Uganda wants to split two million dollars with me, and NOW we’ve got Jesus spam from Jane Abraham.
Geez! (no offense, JC)
I knew when I hit age 43 – all my spam changed from penis enlargement products to coupons for adult diapers and prostate treatments.
Not that I wasn’t interested.
Heavenly Father,
Are bullets appropriate?
I don’t mean shooting the blasphemer in a vital area and putting him/her out. I mean like shooting off one finger at a time to make sure that they are overwhelmed with your love.
(Bridgette, take notes)
Also LORD,
Would that it pleases you, please provide your commentary on the following biblical passage:
Better to sit on a corner of a roof, Than with a woman of contentions, and a house of company.
-Proverbs 25:24
I actually read that whole book that Jane posted and I’m slightly confused. She was trying to post enough scripture to prove that Jesus was a prophet and not God’s Son (I think, I got bored and scrolled fast at one point). Hasn’t she seen that Jesus posts on here all the time and He says He is God’s Son, and then God confirmed it multiple times a well. Gosh there are so many stupid people! Wow.
I can’t wait to see God’s Response to her excessive posting…..hopefully we’ll see a marvelous smiting indeed.
HOW DARE YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmmmmm
I will give you a glimpse of my thoughts.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ssssssssssssssssssss
ddddddddddddddddddddddd
fgbdfxv vvdfgvdfgdfgdfgf vvkjvkrhlflffldjsiluuuf
jane abraham- Your boring.
Angry San Franciscan- You don’t mean me, I know, I can read your mind (Obviously).
today was whiskey wednesday at work and it was spectacular… untill i saw a wall of text larger then any wall of text I have ever wrote and it basically said jesus is cool but he aint god and allah is god but he aint jesus. wtf. i need to puke. seriously. whiskey…
I believe this verse means that those that blaspheme against the Lord will be shunned by there community. it also means that those who do not live right will end up dying from sin. I have seen too many people in my own town fall victim to drugs like alcohol and meth and seen their lives ruined because of it. i hope you all understand better how i feel. I think it shows how quick to judge all of you are by assuming I would want you all to die because I am a strong in the Christian faith. I cannot believe any of you could ever think that because that is crazy!
Bridgette,
How exactly did you interpret stoning to mean shunning?
According to webster.com:
Main Entry: stone
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): stoned; ston·ing
Date: 13th century
1: to hurl stones at; especially : to kill by pelting with stones
Hjorrdis’s avatar seems to be Yo Yo and Brie’s lovechild. Maybe that’s why Yo Yo looks so horrified all the time.
Bridgette gets funnier as her English gets worse.
PS- Sin is not a life-threatening disease, it’s a concept.
Oh no, you’re right. My poor avatar
the more bridgette explains herself, the less intelligent she is revealed to be. what does blaspheme have to do with meth? i’m sorry your little hick town is full of meth addicted losers, but that doesn’t mean that your god delusion is real. WE are all quick to judge now…interesting.
crap, i forgot that i wasn’t going to do that anymore.
allow me to amend, i’ve seen fat people die from heart disease and the sin of gluttony, bridgette. i know just how you feel! praise the lord.
Damn. I didn’t realize Yo Yo was that desperate. Poor guy.
maybe he just needs a little sisterly love there, nun.
Well said Jane Abraham, but I question your devotion to Allah with a name like Abraham. Why have not you changed your name to something proper, such as Wafeeqa Mohammed? Presently you sound like a whore who shows her calves to men in public.
I’m sure he does, cracka. He’s married after all.
HOLY SHIT! I take one Wednesday off to sit in my jacuzzi on Mt. Everest and I come back to find that, once again, My Divine Blog has been defiled!
jane abraham – I shall curse you and all your descendants for your many blasphemies against Me, My Son, and The Spirit. How dare you suggest that Jesus was a mere mortal?! Your womb is now barren, your children will all give birth to retards, and you shall never experience another orgasm as long as you live. This very day, I shall have you arrested and beaten by the police.
I SMITE YOU!!!
it’s been a great week for smitings! God’s on a roll.
God,
That seemed to be a pretty good beatdown but if You’d made her black for this one day, her beatdown would have been even better. God, why didn’t You make her black?
cuz she’d never go back
Yes, she would. Her first ass-kicking by the po-po as a black woman would have her screaming to be a cracka again.
I was out of town for a couple of days and WOW!
God, I doubt if taking away orgasmic ability will hurt Jane in any way. I’m pretty sure she’s never had one.
Also, I didn’t mean to exclude Yo-yo from my list, it just slipped my puny mind.
Now, back to the fun!
Heya cutie.
please feel free to stone Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt…until they are dead so I no longer have to see their shit-eating grins EVER AGAIN.
…loveMaegan-
God was fairly clear in saying that there’s none of that “please feel free to stone so and so” shit. YOU are required to congregate and stone the shit out of those blasphemers YOURSELF. What are you afraid of? Getting your hands dirty?
Lucifer,
I find it rare that we agree on anything -you’re a little bit country and I’m a little bit rock’n'roll – but…well…thank you. I couldn’t have said it any better Myself.
Maegan – STONE THEM YOURSELF. You will make it onto all the news shows.
damn liberal media
You’re welcome, God.
Can I come back into Heaven now?
No.
Damn it!
Why don’t you two just get a hotel already?
Inmate,
Are you accusing Lucifer and God of being butt buddies?
Dang! It’s awful quiet, did everyone get smited at once?
I thought my boss was going to smack me when I was lurking on this site during lunch. I think that he goes to the same church as Bridgette. Fortunately, he can’t read so well…
i got stoned and i missed it.
I’ve been reading the comments here for a while and I think this blog needs more religious dickfaces to post their 75 thousand word manifesto stupidity-bombs. Why do those people always post their shit and leave, never to come back? Don’t those fucksticks even wonder what people think of their bullshit?
BTW, which way to nun’s all you can eat cunt buffet?
you are all a bunch of cocksucking heathens and you wont think your so smart when judgment day comes. Bridgette is a good person and all you fucking fags do is pick on her. God rewards the humble and punish the proud and you don’t know when he will come for you but he will. I got my shotgun ready and will gladly hunt down you queers on his behalf.
Don’t call it a comeback!
God, let’s talk about your book. WTF? You create the universe in 6 days, and it takes you a couple of thousands years to write the Old Testament. But than it’s not until the 4th century that the New Testament is written.
Why the long span between books? Writer’s block? Why did you suddenly become a pussy in the New Testament? Did Jesus make changes while you were away from your desk? I’m hoping for a more vengeful god on the third book. Or steal a move from George Lucas and do a prequel since you’re running out of ideas.
Why does god hate Yankee Stadium?
Why does god hate transvestites?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25723270/
Por que, dios por que?
Jane,
Show me on the doll where Jesus touched you?
Cooper – You asked far too many questions. I’m running out of ideas? No. I will, unfortunately, never run out of things I hate. I am, however, trying to mix it up a little here on My Blog with new features.
Allah Akbar!
God, when did you recruit this jesse guy? he’s scary. he owns a shotgun. he hates anal. he punishes the proud on your behalf. is he a prototype for some kind of vigilante death squad you’re putting together?
God,
Do you want me to create an Anti-Galactus spray for planets. If so say “I HATE GALACTUS”.
Holy Spirit.
oh yeah: shut up, cooper.
No, he’s actually 12 and never touched a firearm before.
I recognize the verbiage.
Jesse do you want a Rocket Launcher?
Yo Vork – If he’s 12 then he’s already been handling a shotgun for 6 years.
I’m going to create my own person.
There is no evidence for or against a god so I choose not
to believe in god.
Evolution is the most supported (by evidence) scientific theory
in biology.
I HATE GALACTUS!!!
hello, new person, where did you come from?
The spray is at a house on earth.
Uppity cracka- I created the new person then destroyed him.
God- I will print out all the posts and then I will sell them to mary.
God- You should have a monthly feature for people to comment on.
wow, God, is the holy spirit always this pushy? if so, i can see why you need the therapy.
Yes cracka. Now you see what I have to put up with. I get it from all angles.
Spirit – I do have a monthly feature for people to comment on you asshole! The ‘Ask God’ sections.
God,
Do You have no authority over the Holy Spirit? Because he would seriously get on my last divine nerve if I was You.
Cracka- I am only one of the reasons god needs therapy.
God- That is for asking not commenting.
Nun- He has no authority over me.
Hi Holy,
It would appear that God has no authority over us as well.
Long live free will (& free drinks)!
Der- He should control you.
Holy,
Only my wife and kids control me.
Your kids control you!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Nun – No, the Holy Spirit is as powerful as I am, in fact, it is Me. It does get on My Nerves. It’s a portion of My Personality, kind of like My ID. I know it’s confusing and really beyond your comprehension, but just have faith in Me, ok?
Holy Spirit – You want a section strictly for commenting? What, for suggestions or feedback? Cause there is the About section, you can always comment on that.
Shut up, Holy.
Do You ever feel like kicking Your own Divine Ass because of the Holy Spirit?
God- I meant a monthly feature.
holy spirit-forget about the monthly feature for His sake. you’re driving us all nuts. have a drink. or would that just fall right through you like a cloud of mist?
God-
The Holy Spirit is f-king lame and unfunny, can you ban It from your comment threads…?
-J
I won’t say the Holy Spirit is unfunny because I don’t want God to smite me but I do wish He’d shut the hell up.
Not only is it lame and unfunny, but it is too obviously a fake. The true Holy Spirit would have a Fuck-Yeah-I’m-The-Fucking-Holy-Spirit avatar instead of that generic lame-ass, and He’d know to spell both His Names with capital letters, instead of sorry-assed “Holy spirit”.
I’m the only True Holy Spirit, and I shall now shut up. I have better things to do with My Time.
Hey!! How’d I get anonymous. I don’t like that faggy avatar either.
shut up, fake holy spirit.
Nun, I know how you feel. Barry Abrahamson of WordPress has done that to ME one too many times as well.
Good thing I will have all eternity to get even: Raping-Hell-Demon-style.
Hey yeah, you’re right Lucifer! That’s not the Holy Spirit at all!
YOU BLASPHEMOUS IMPOSTER!
I SMITE YOU!!!
Taste the fury of My Bears!
For the first time in my life I’m going to say,
“thank you, God!”
But… the dork in the waders kicked the bear in the balls and seemed to win that round. Was that a smiting gone horribly wrong?
bear power is second only to His awesome tornado power.
DAMMNIT! LET ME TRY AGAIN!! I SMITE YOOOOO!!!
Once again, You’re welcome, God.
Can I come back into Heaven now?
Nice smiting, God. I really like the added touch of the Daniel Powter tune.
Lucifer – No.
Nun – Thanks, I do My Best.
Fucking Hell…
well, lucifer, if things work out the way i think they will we’ll have to start a new rebellion after armageddon and all that nonsense. this time you’ll have 1/3 of the angels AND about 98% of all the humans ever born, so i think we can do this. start drawing up battle plans…lord of the rings style.
I’m glad the Holy Spirit finally came around but WTF? The Holy Spirit has put up more posts in the last two blogs than Lucifer’s entire history of this site.
Why did god smite Tony Snow? I thought god loved the religious right?
First, I shall make the Holy Spirit an offer It cannot refuse. And then I will kidnap Jesus and kick His Ass. That should be easy. Then it will be me, my army of one-third of the angels and one-third of The Trinity against one-third of God and two-thirds of the angels – most of which are pussies anyway.
ah, hell, why not?
shut up, cooper.
yeah! shut up cooper. and the holy spirit. and benjamin. shut up ben.
Cooper – I was waiting for you to ask about Tony Snow. I brought him up to Heaven so I could hang out with him. I love his pleasant humor.
Also, I needed a new press secretary – so you can expect to hear from him from time to time if you have any questions on current events.
God,
Do you really need another person to obfuscate your will/teachings/rants? I thought that’s what people like Bridgette were for.
God- Do you want me to create one.
Why didn’t You take Scott McClellan, God? I would think he’d be better company since he’s disgruntled with Bush just like You are.
Lucifer- I wish I had 0 people like you.
Benjamin- Shut up.
Lucifer- I will refuse any of your offers.
God- I HATE THIS !@#$%& SMILEY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP SPIRIT!!! DAMN YOU!!!
Nun – Because Scott is fat and bald and annoying. Besides, Tony Snow hates Bush too, he just likes attention and money. Which I can respect.
HA!
I tell you what, if I wasn’t happily married and completely old, I sure would like to go “drinking” with Nun sometime…whew!
God- Mary read your post about her.
Haven’t you insipid ninnies solved your differences yet?
How ’bout a group smiting?
Or Parcheesi.
Holy Spirit: “I have better things to do with My Time.”
Looking at your post history… no, you don’t.
no way am i playing parcheesi…
and i’m not insipid, i’m uppity
and i’m not a ninny, i’m a cracka
shut UP, spirit!! you and your stupid imaginary voice and your Him-damned body made of mist!!! you’re so annoying!!!!!!
and you’re the only dude nun hasn’t blown yet because you don’t have any sort of corpus incarnate for her to put in her mouth, you loser!!!!!
Weasel,
group smiting and parcheesi… those are one and the same, dude.
Did I blow you, cracka? I’m telling you you’ve got to get a boxed cock like Lucifer because you are completely unmemorable. Sorry, man.
I wouldn’t blow the Holy spirit anyway… he’s really lame.
Nun- You are going to hell when you die.
I think I found Bridgette’s pastor.
Cooper- WTFGDH are you talking about
Holy spirit,
Duh!! Dumbass.
Nun- Read comment #173.
Lunch Break.
I don’t understand this dumbass. He complains about the smiley face and then doesn’t fix it. what a bozo.
The spirit might not be so annoying if it wasn’t for that fucking face.
I don’t think Holy spirit is very bright.
yeah, nun you were pretty out of it the night you blew everyone in the entire world. in fact, you were unconcious.
DUDE!! That’s just wrong, cracka.
God,
Please make cracka’s wiener fall off as punishment for his violation of my precious mouth.
i don’t think God fulfills the personal requests of women. he hates you, remember?
Hello,
Nun- I will refer you (again) to Comment #173.
Cracka- Thank you.
And again, Holy spirit. DUH!! Are you that fucking stupid or do you just play a retard on the internet?
God – Thank you thank you thank you for the new gig.
And for the second smiting … after surviving the first one I thought I might have to write a book or be a Faux News “contributor” like Karl Rove to keep on apologizing for that fratboy schmuck Dubya and pretending he’s some kind of a hero. Being in Heaven and hanging with you is great, since just about everyone but the Whitey House and Faux either shunned me or wished I would just die go to hell.
Hey Cracka, If memory serves, unconcious folk give the worst blowjobs!
Nun- I will not listen to you when you ask to get out of hell.
Tony- Shut up. I fell asleep reading your comment.
Holy Spirit, I don’t mind reading your stupidity, we need more idiots like you to pick on around here, but could you please at least TRY and play the character? Like you got your Avatar picture of a Holy Spirit. It wasn’t the best but it wasn’t bad. So WHY THE FUCK don’t you use it?? You are an idiot.
Benjamin- you can not, and never will understand me so
SHUT UP OR GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh man. that stupid smiley face is really starting to piss me off. Please, why not use something right, like this?
http://www.the-holy-spirit.com/images/Holy_Spirit.jpg
Gee wiz. That website is about as dumb and pointless as you.
“68 Bridgette
I believe this verse means…”
Ok Bridgette, this just PROVES that all you people do is INTERPRET the bible to your own definition. Stoning=shunned by community? That is SOME interpretation. Anyway, you obviously took a verse in the bible and translated it into something else. But then when people bring up gays, you guys take all the bible speech COMPLETELY literally. When the bible talks about how it’s sinful to eat shellfish, you blame the times. The bible is just your own opinion. Stop backing up your opinions using this book. Back up your opinions by saying that they are YOURS. Don’t be all self righteous thinking you’re right because you’re following a book – because you’re not. You’re following your own silly thoughts. By the way, there=their.
God, stones are difficult to come by in suburbs and cities, but bricks work just fine. Are they an acceptable substitute, or will you only settle for the real thing?
I am NOT the “Holy spirit” dumbass, dumbass Ben. I am The One True Holy Spirit.
Hey, Other Holy Spirit STOP COMMENTING!!!!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!
Thoroughly Pizzled- Brick work better. How can you not know.
Are you just plane stupid!!
God Give me one like this.
http://www.the-holy-spirit.com/images/Holy_Spirit.jpg or I will tell everyone about your blog.
OK, I am telling everyone now.
Tim- SHORTEN UP YOUR COMMENTS OR I WILL CREATE A HELL JUST FOR YOU!! OR JUST SHUT UP YOU @#$% @#$!! @#$%&!!
Other Holy Spirit, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nun- I am the true Holy Spirit. I am only “playing retard” to annoy God. I love annoying him. After all he has no athority over me.
Other Holy Spirit,
You are contradicting.
HOLY SPIRIT.
P.S. I capitalised my name.
Me Damn it, you’re an annoying little fake fucker…
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t think you’re playing a retard. I think you’re really retarded.
I know God hates anal… but what about Jesus? What do you think about anal, Jesus?
PS – I’m horny!
Jesus likes teapots and show tunes. Take that as you may.
PS: So am I! See? –>
The Holy Spirit needs to be smited into banhood.
Not I, Bloodvork. The retarded one with the single-digit IQ and idiot-looking avatar.
I have better things to do than comment on this site.
Is this short enough?
I love that picture of me. I’m the one on top of the hill sitting down. That was back when I still had all of my hair.