Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!
In America, it is the 4th of July. This means that an imbecilic race of hot dog swallowers are out in force today savoring their supposed ‘freedom’ and ‘independence.’
I, The Almighty Lord, would like to take this day to talk about My Divine Hatred for freedom*, independence, and above all – what makes humans think they have a right to possess these things – democracy!
Let Me make this very clear – only I am allowed to be free! Only I may do whatever I want, whenever I want! You foolish mortals will never be free, no matter how much you try to convince yourselves otherwise.
Democracy is the dumbest form of government ever created by man, much dumber than all the others ever tried combined. It is an abomination!
It’s even more insulting to Me than communism! Sure, communists may discourage belief in Me, but at least they’re still ruled by one supreme dictator. This helps remind people that they must always obey their master or risk getting their hands cut off or their testicles pulled or worse. Psychologically, this sets them up well for a lifelong, totally unblinking commitment to Me.
I choose to talk about this on America’s ‘Independence’ Day, because the people who founded the ‘Land of Freedom’ were not Christians, they were ultra-liberal hipster-atheist zombie-faggots. Take this famous line from the Declaration of Stupidity:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
BULLSHIT! No where in My Book did I ever state that all men are entitled to life, liberty or the chance to chase happiness. On the contrary, I’m a fervent monarchist. This is why they call Me the ‘King of Kings,’ not the ‘King of Douchebag Presidents and Prime Minister Assholes.’ I also strongly endorse owning slaves (so long as you chop off their foreskins), and the execution of the wicked (so long as it’s public).
If history has blatantly proven anything, it’s that human beings should not be allowed to govern themselves. They are much too stupid.
And Americans are the best example of this idiocy. They and their government get dumber every day. In just 50 years, Americans will have completely reverted into a primitive race of drooling mongoloids. Even more so!
Anyone seen Idiocracy? No? Well, it’s a great example of what I’m talking about here; an atrocious and totally unfunny vision of things-to-come.
Like most of you, I don’t hate Americans per se (although they are dumb, fat, ugly, vile consumer pig-robots (or as I call them, dumfugvilpigbots)), just the American government. They claim to love Me, but they are liars and are just using Me to trick you. Why else would they put My Name on all their money, and in the national anthem, and in the pledge of allegiance, but NOT on Mt. Rushmore? There is only one answer: they are bloodsucking atheist zombies bent on spreading the plague of democracy all over the world.
This is why I, The Almighty Lord, have resolved to solve this issue permanently. I have entered Myself on the ballot of every democratic election in every country for every possible office. I have unlimited campaign funds and a great stump speech. Barring no unforeseen setbacks or personal attacks, I will soon win every democratically held office in the world and be in complete control over all of your minds once again. In the interim, don’t believe anything the liberal-heathen-run media tells you.
*More like free-dumb.
Dear God,
Do You have a Holy Campaign Team like Jesus does?
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/29/evangelical.campaign/index.html
Ever Faithful,
Hj
ey God. You claim to love us all so much.
Where is evidence for that ?
Love is an action. You may claim you love us but it is the actions that speak louder than words. The claim that You love us is like saying I love crows. If I don’t demonstrate that love, and there is no evidence of that love, then I have not loved that crow.
So I can see what you mean: You hate everything instead – democracy included…
you suck
i love crows?
Vote For God! God For President!
four more millenia! four more millenia!
Hjorrdis – Yes, that is one of My campaign teams.
pemma – I never claimed to love all of you. I do love some of you. I never said I loved you. I don’t even like you. I never wanted you. Besides, even if I did love you, I am under no obligation to prove it. That is something you humans must do.
uppity – thank you My child. I love you.
these posts are getting longer and longer. it’s effecting my ability to even post in the comments.
semi-banned!
Best post yet God, I was going to vote for Obama, but not anymore.
pemma, it’s written in the Bible “do not put the Lord to the test” in no way must He prove His love and by even asking Him to do it you’ve commited a sin. Get ready for Bridgette’s wrath!
God’s humble servant,
Josh
“If I don’t demonstrate that love, and there is no evidence of that love, then I have not loved that crow.”
This guy fucks crows!
it’s like saying, “if she doesn’t remember it, and i destroyed the condom, then i haven’t ‘loved’ that underaged girl.”
How does one fuck a crow anyway?
well, either the crow is unusually large, or the appendage is unusually small…i don’t think a standard buggering would work.
I think it would have to be a combination of both – the crow is extremely large, like king kong size, and the appendage is super tiny, like a pencil. Haha he’s a pencil dick.
“…an imbecilic race of hot dog swallowers…”
Subtext, anyone?
hot dog swallowers? crow lovers?
hot dog swallower.
that’s a suggestive.
oh crap…you know what? america is not a race of people at all. i think God’s rage caused Him to make an unfounded sweeping generalization about our big, fat stupid country. but since He’s the one who said it does that make it automatically true? i think it does. wow. i just instantly became fat and stupid. i agree with everything bridgette says and eats.
she eats alot too… deciding who gets cast into the pits of hell really works up an appetite… of course, so does clicking her mouse button…
Hjorrdis asked, “How does one fuck a crow anyway?”
That doesn’t happen until the third date. Take your crow to a movie, they like The Birds. Maybe go to a new place to eat, like the road kill on I-93.
God,
Did You hate William Wallace? All he ever talked about was free-dumb, free-dumb, free-dumb. The guy was like a broken record.
Also, when will You smite Mel Gibson for portraying the free-dumb loving William Wallace and for hating Your Jews? Will it be a public smiting?
Americans do some things right (like Bridgette), but when will they learn true devotion to the HOLY FATHER? It’s easy to stone a heathen.
Blowing up a pub, on the other hand, takes planning.
If you smite Mel Gibson, could you add a little extra kick for that “What Women Want” movie?
UGH!! Good call, Padraig. That film was a big steaming pile of dog shit.
The saint formerly known as “Pádraig” said:
“Blowing up a pub, on the other hand, takes planning.”
This is true. I’ve often wept for the poor Protestant preacher, innocently driving home with a potato wired across his car’s starter, whist an honest IRA lad manfully cooks up a lump of gelignite and eats it for his supper.
Mel Gibson…whatever happened to him? What’s he doing now?
Also, God, I noticed on your election pin you misspelled ‘Almighty’ as ‘Almighy.’ You left out the t. Are you only almighy now?
shut up, ben. seriously this time; shut up.
wha? whad i say? sheesh, you can’t say nothing around here anymore without some douche telling you to shut up. who do you think you are uppity? Just cause god said he loves you and he banned me to limbo for a while you think you own this place? jerk. you shut up your face. ;(
shut up, dead ben.
yeah, take that bitch. smarts doesn’t it?
i agree. ben should shut up. he’s a fag.
VOTE UPPITY CRACKA
ben’s the new cooper
cooper mini?
FACE!!
blocked
fuck you jew! i hate you guys! you’re such fucking jerks. i bet there are so many great and interesting people who would love to comment but you scare them all away. jerks!
god’s blog would be super better if ben wasn’t here.
and if the posts were shorter.
wha? shut up you bastards. FUCK THIS PLACE! I’M DONE!
thank god.
one down. cooper to go.
fuck you! i’m gonna be so rich someday and then you will all regeret treating me like this.
Dammit, Ben, God created you to be the blog’s whipping boy! You can’t leave until He allows it!
UPPITY CRACKA FOR PRECEDENT!
how cuold you ever gcompare me to coooper?? that’s so fucking unfair. you stupid jew cocksucker.
yoyo, i’m not the blog’s whipping boy. that’s cooper! it’s fucking cooper! not me! cooper! godfuckingdammnitall!!!!
Don’t cry, Ben.
cooper’s kinda cool, actually.
fuck you nun you whore! why don’t you stuff some more dead midgets up that black hole you call a vaj!
what ever happened to cooper? at least he wasn’t dead like ben.
you assholes scared him off. he acted like it didn’t bother him, but it did. it did. and you have no right to say anything jew. you don’t even read the posts!!!
“i bet there are so many great and interesting people who would love to comment but you scare them all away. jerks!”
-angry dead ben.
no. no there aren’t. sorry.
ps-shut up.
jew can’t read the posts because they’re too long. but, it doesn’t matter: chosen people.
also, i cannot run against God. but, He gets my full endorsement…unequivocally.
if He needs a running mate, however, my camp will listen.
Shut up.
OUCH
Hey!! I don’t get paid which makes me NOT A WHORE!!
You can buy strap-ons, Ben. You don’t have to take out all your small-penis frustrations on us.
Read the posts? No – that’s why we have Bridgette. I wonder if she choked to death on a chicken sandwich or something – I haven’t seen her braying today.
“You can buy strap-ons, Ben. You don’t have to take out all your small-penis frustrations on us.”
So Ben really IS a Mini-Cooper!
i do not have a small penis. your mom told me it is plenty big.
yoyo – you don’t read these posts either?
Ben, I’m sorry, what?
dude, don’t you get it? we just come here so bridgette can tell us whether or not it’s blaspheme. no need to read it. so far, they have all been blaspheme. but, i keep waiting for her to give me the okay to read one. heard it’s funny.
in light of today’s topic, i say we PUT IT TO A VOTE!
vote whether or not you think ben should continue to post here. yay or nay.
NAY!
i said, you said you don’t even read this blog either. if that’s true you’re a bigger jerk than the jew. at least he admits it.
i vote yay! we need someone to tell to shut up.
NAY!
I’m only trolling for Bridgette, so I can make fun of her weight.
I also want God to help me with FreeCell Game # 169, I can’t seem to solve it.
that’s it. i’m anti-cracka now.
no one is a bigger jerk than the jew. don’t insult the guy.
yay!
unpleasant jew will be pro-cracka again by tomorrow, don’t worry.
i’m banning this blog
That wasn’t my mom, Ben. She’s dead, thanks for bringing it up. It was your mom and you really shouldn’t go around fucking your mom and then pretending it’s somebody else’s mom. You’re sick and twisted, Small-Penis-Ben.
me too. its not funny anymore anyway. it’s all preachy and up its own ass now.
so, let’s see here: the vote is 2-2. ben voted against himself and we all got banned by unpleasant jew again. seems like typical democracy to me. no wonder God hates it so much…it’s freakin’ stupid.
did i say your mom? i meant to say my mom. my mom says my dick size is more than fine.
…need…to…gouge out..own.. eyes after reading..#72…
Amen, uppity. Amen.
Your mom just wants you to feel better about yourself. Invest in a strap-on, Ben. Nobody will even know, it’s not like bitches are observant or anything.
I’m sorry everybody. I’m sorry for all the mean things I said. I didn’t mean it. I’ll be your whipping boy if you want. the truth is, i love you fellow atheist fucks.
we are not capable of loving you back because we don’t believe in jesus.
shut up cracka.
I’m quite capable of love, cracka. I just call it fucking.
it doesn’t work when you do it, ben.
nun, that’s not love, that’s funky butt love.
It is so love!! That’s what I always tell the guy I’m fucking. I love you, honey. That’s why I fuck you so good. They always believe me too. Guys are such pussies.
nope. you’re confused. that’s not love, it’s his love muscle. there’s a difference.
Mmm…. I do so love the love muscles. Maybe you be right, cracka.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.
That was the gayest exchange ever; Liberace with a dick in his ear gay.
Josh
no, josh, it was not gay. there was no homosexual intercourse taking place there, therefore it was not gay.
Women fake orgasms because they don’t want to admit that they suck so bad they can’t even get off.
“Women fake orgasms because they don’t want to admit that they suck so bad they can’t even get off.”
I’ve seen books about a woman can pleasure herself. You need directions? Sheesh, it’s much easier being a guy!
Uppity,
God already explained in a previous post you can be gay (He doesn’t hate you) and not have anal (then He would hate you). Discussing another dude’s wang size then him talking about banging his mom is both gay (for the wang size part) and sick (for the banging your own mom part)
Josh
Most women won’t masturbate. Can you believe that shit? Then they expect men to know what they don’t even know. That’s why I masturbate every chance I get.
God;
I see that thirteen people were injured in the running of the bulls in Spain.
What are Your thoughts on this? Anything that gets rid of foolish people is OK by me.
“Discussing another dude’s wang size..”
That’s all fine and dandy but the conversation was happening between a male and a female. Pay attention.
sorry i missed that. which one is the woman?
Josh
That would be me. Didn’t you see Ben tell me to stick more midgets up my vajayjay? Ben’s an ass, they’re dwarves and I’ve got as many up there as my poor vajayjay can handle.
let it stretch out slowly, nun. don’t tear anything.
Uh oh… Mini Me just got away!!
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Americans have started to take your name out of things now… like the national anthem…
i’m unbanning this blog.
“god” was never in the national anthem you dumb fucking twit.
i’m banning this blog.
I was wondering when God was in the national anthem and how I missed his removal from said anthem. I’m glad I’m not the dumb fucking twit.
WOW.
I skip work, take a little mid afternoon nap and Ben has a meltdown… I really am ashamed of myself for missing it.
See, Ben. It’s not nice to tell people to shut up. I think God should smite you again.
Where’s Bridgette?!?
Damn it! Stupid avatar. I forgot the “fuckhead” again.
I can see why you hate DEMONocracy God. Look at what free speech gives us…a bunch of people whining and insulting each other and not worshiping you like they should be.
I just hate it when Americans try to tell me that their county was founded on Your Word. If they ever read Your Holy Book (congrats on the bestseller list!) they would know that such concepts as “equality” are not there.
And their precious “freedoms”. Nowhere does the bible tell us that we have a right to habeus corpus or trail by jury. And the right to bear arms is the biggest bullshit ever…only God has a right to smite people.
This is obviously one of the worst blogs you’ve ever done in the history of this site. Without democracy there wouldn’t be this blog and there wouldn’t be people replying to said blog.
My my, how popular I am everyone wants me to post. Well I couldn’t agree more ‘better.’ Fools such as this ‘god’ writer should just thank their lucky stars they live in the USA where we have free speech. In many other countries this kind of blasphemy is not tolerated. Even in Europe hate-speech against religions is against the law.
I agree with you as well, Julia. Atheists are doing everything they can to take God out of America. It’s nice to see I’m not alone around here. God may not be in the national anthem but he should be. I’ve always thought the Battle Hymn of the Republic would be better. it’s beautiful and praises all Glory to God.
Dear Bridgette,
Thank you for stopping by once again. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I love you. You…above all others. You do more for My Blog than I could ever do. For that, I will reward you. In fact, I just may put you on the fast-track for sainthood. To St. Bridgette – patron Saint of the Pudgy!
Love,
- God
Ben – Stop being such a pussy or I will have to ban you from My Blog. However, thank you for pointing out the mistake made in My Election Pins. Unfortunately, I have already bought 10 billion of them so we damn well are going to use them. But if any of you hoes ever call Me ‘The Almighy’ you shall find yourself quickly smoten.
Ahhh…. another day Kow-Towing to God, telling Ben/Cooper to shut up, making fun of St. Bridgette the Pudgy, and wondering what antics Nun Ur Damned Bizness, the Jew, and uppity cracka will get up to.
In other news: I took my kids to a circus yesterday. They had a Help Wanted For the Season poster. I was tempted…
“I’ve always thought the Battle Hymn of the Republic would be better.”-stupid ass bridgette
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
she really wrote that.
Typical Bridgette.
God says He’s going to put Bridgette on the fast track to sainthood.
We can help.
I’m building a big pile of wood in the parking lot, maybe we can martyr Bridgette. Does 250 pounds (about 17 stone, for you Brits) of suet smell bad when it’s burning?
yes. but, if it’s God’s will it’s God’s will. what are you gonna do?
if a witch is made of wood and a chicken weighs less than a tree, then if she weighs more than a chicken, she’s a what?
Haha… God called Ben out for being a pussy. Good. Ben has a bigger vagina than I do. Fucking pussy boy who learned nothing from his public smiting and time in limbo.
“if a witch is made of wood and a chicken weighs less than a tree, then if she weighs more than a chicken, she’s a what?”
Ummm… fat? That question makes my head hurt.
you’re a pussy.
it’s a monty python paraphrase. holy grail. i don’t remember how it goes exactly.
well, if you’re not a witch how do you explain the funny clothes?
they dressed me up like this.
well, we did dress her up a bit, just a bit. we did do the nose…but, she still a witch!! burn her!!
be-e-e-een, shut up, ben.
I love Holy Grail but I’m afraid I don’t remember that bit. I remember the Black Knight, Sir Robin and his cowardice, the giant badger, killer bunny, everybody coming out of the woods to be arrested. God, I love that flick.
Shut the fuck up, pussy. Before I be forced to kick your pussy ass all over the internet.
well then go ahead and do it wench. I’d like to see you try.
God, that Ben guy sure is annoying. Glad I’m not him.
Every time I come here, it warms my heart even further to see how each of you is still right on track and scheduled to move to that new condo down on the 5th Circle.
Except Ben. I’m so not looking forward to that.
Can you see when your eyes are full of your little baby pussy tears?
yeah, we’ll have a good time. we with my crackerness, nun with her giant twot. ben with his chafing girl parts.
Shut up, Lucifer. You gave me some kind of demon disease which I have since passed on to all the dwarves I have shoved up my vajayjay. You’re going to rue the day that I move into that fucking condo.
A giant dwarf filled twat, Cracka. Don’t forget that most important of details.
SHE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT!
I got better.
uppity cracka, Is this the right room for an argument?
Shut your festering gob, Ben! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
where dat line from? holy grail? holy grail. meaning of life my favorite. so better.
oooooooooooh. angry dead ben? care to reply?
me so glad me not ben.
Not Ben, it’s from Monty Python’s Argument skit.
Just thought it was a change from ‘Shut up, Ben!’
I’m feeling a bit esuriant, so I am going to curtail my blogging activities and sally forth to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
there are as many types of cheeses as there are types of spam preparations:
spam and eggs, eggs and spam, spam and spam, etc.
Wark.
Shut up, Nun-
You know you’d have ended up with that disease up your vaj eventually, whether from me or from someone else. At least this way it was from someone with a hugenormous penis.
Do you have anything with not so much spam?
No!! I would have ended up with some earthbound dwarf disease. I would NOT have ended up with your demon disease.
It was a hugenormous penis though… props for that, Satan.
I tell no lie.
no lie? i thought that was you whole schtick.
It IS his whole schtick. He’s a fucking liar but he does have a ginormous penis.
I just offer options. Like to Nun, I said, “Do you want me to wear a condom and go to Hell, or do you want to experience The Best Fuck In The Universe bareback?”
And now, Barry Abrahamson of WordPress shall be condemned to eternity being ass-raped by demons for having logged me out.
I was going to say that I’ve fucked many anonymous people but I don’t remember any of them being The Best Fuck In The Universe.
Touché, Nun. By a demon-wart-ridden hobbit-filled vagina.
hobbits named
dildo and douche baggins.
A pitiful krakkka, I am joking!
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com
Hey!! I don’t have warts!!
I do so love my little hobbits though.
Nun Ur Damned Bizness said “…I’ve fucked many anonymous people…”
Are you a stock broker or a lawyer?
Speaking of douchebags-
Hello, One of the Lame-ass Blog. When you die, I’ll have you bunk with Ben.
Nun, who’s your favorite hobbit, Dildo or Bugger Baggins?
man, that ben guy sure is gonna suffer when he dies. what a poor fellow.
Stuffgirlslike stinks.
I wouldn’t lap up its blood if it was crushed on the side of the road.
Would you piss on it if it was on fire, Bloodvork?
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
shut up, not not ben and not ben and ben.
how many times do we have to tell you that your blog is not funny, stuff?
Yo Yo –
Lawyer. How’d you know??
I have no favorite hobbit. I love all my hobbits the same.
the comments section is like a big circle jerk, only without the pay off.
Josh
“…big circle jerk, only without the pay[-]off.” = any Friday night date for Josh.
True story.
are you saying there’s never going to be a payoff?
what the h am i doing here?
Funny you should ask, Nun.
Last Saturday, I stopped at a local bar. I saw a good-looking woman and asked her name.
She looked me in the eye and said, “Take me to your home. For $100 I’ll let you fvck me any way you want, all night long. I’ll do it with another woman, or with animals, or vegetables. I’ll turn tricks for you until one of us wears out.”
Taken aback, I asked, “And what law office do you work for?”
Oh Lucifer, if only you were not the king of lies, then perhaps my Friday nights would be as you say they are and your penis would be large as well.
true story. and FACE.
Josh
Lucifer didn’t fall. He was pushed!
Josh-
I am the Prince of Lies, you dimwit, not the King. God’s the one with the King of Kings of Cheese Burger King complex.
Uhh… that wasn’t me, Yo Yo. I… uhhh… was… ummm… doing something else. Yeah, I was fucking Satan on Saturday. Right, Satan? Back me up on this one.
Yo Yo, I wasn’t pushed. I took a dive. All part of the plan.
Made a shitload that day. I invented illegal gambling, you know?
I have Nun’s back.
I invented anal sex.
FACE!
Nun said, “I was fucking Satan on Saturday…”
Still sounds like a lawyer…
Dammit, Lucifer, I lost a couple thousand when you took the dive!
Can you give me an inside line on when and where the next fight happens? I can set you up with some hobbits, only half suffocated.
awwwwww…..SPLOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGEEEE!!! SQUIRT SQUIRT gurgle gurgle…..
Lucifer,
I notice in my post you only disagreed with the title change (Prince not King, downgrade) but had nothing to say about the small penis.
The comments section is still one huge circle jerk that is off topic. The only funny parts seem to be when Jew tells someone to shut up or Uppity drops a FACE bomb.
Josh
yeah but those moments are so great!
maybe we need a good smiting to liven things up a little.
The Big Payoff said (or moaned):
“awwwwww…..SPLOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGEEEE!!! SQUIRT SQUIRT gurgle gurgle…..”
Bridgette?
Josh, I didn’t say anything about the small penis remark because I know you have never known true love, and when you die and your daily regimen of demon ass-raping begins, I will be your first. I don’t want to spoil the surprise. It’s better if you keep thinking it is small and it’s not going to hurt as much as the fiery pits of hell are hot at all.
Yo Yo, every body knows when the next fight is going down. Look for the signs: it’s all in the book of the Apocalypse.
Cracka didn’t bring the FACE to here.
PS: Thursday
maybe you’re right uppity. but who should we beg God to smite? Let’s hear some suggestions and then put it to a vote?
Oh Lucy,
How you wish you had the power to control who goes to heaven and hell. Clearly you don’t, remember George Carlin?
Don’t count your anuses before they’re raped Gaylord Santanus.
Bloodvork,
Who brought the face?
Josh
oooh. josh just FACED you, satanus.
i think it was bloodvork himself.
or was it the jew?
it’d be funny if He banished lucifer to someplace fun…like a baptist church convention in alabama.
I just ‘rolled back’ Vista off a new laptop, put on Win XP.
A laptop without Vista is like a person without a severe neurological disorder.
Lucifer, thanks for the tip. I’m splashing money around. So far, the Big ‘G’ is the favorite, odds are 1000000000000000000000000 to 1 against you.
Either way, I’m holding off buying a new iPod until after Thursday.
Josh, good luck, I heard “Lucy” sharpening his favorite peeler.
I don’t need to remember George Carlin, dumbfuck; I have him right here with me. He’s providing dinnertime entertainment to The Ninth Circle.
I won his custody back from God last Wednesday, over a game of poker. I had aces and eights, God had NOTHING! I called his bluff. AGAIN.
I’m not small! I’m huge!
Lucifer measures me on the metric scale so i seem even bigger. 7.6 centimeters sounds much better than 3 inches.
Tiny Jones.
Shut up, Josh.
Why is Josh’s penis impersonating Satan’s penis?
Because Josh likes musicals.
Josh is gay!!!!
haha FACE on you! Satan must have tiny penis, is why he hate god so much…
good job the Josh
Lucy,
Shut up Satanus.
Until God says that you beat Him, I don’t believe it. Carlin is in heaven doing blow like God said he is.
Nun,
You got me, that was a good comeback to protect your partner in crime. You should write a book on snappy come backs. You could include your riveting story of dwarves in your snatch (that was HILARIOUS! I smell a movie deal) and your great lines about Bridgette being fat (not played out at all, it’s as current as a high top fade and zubas).
Josh
Too bad you don’t pay attention, Josh. I’m not one of the ones talking about Bridgette being fat. I guess that’s what happens when you try to read blogs when you’re crying your little eyes out.
I was the one who started calling Bridgette fat. I’ll tell YOU when it gets old, fucker.
Sorry Nun,
You’re the one going on about the size of Lucy’s wang, I got my corny sh!t missed up. But really Paramount should option your midgets in the poon movie. It’s a nail bitter.
Josh
Then who started FACE?
that was jew. he make face.
yeah, jew started facing in his tiny basketball shorts and and jew-fro basketball hair.
ENOUGH!!! YOU ARE ALL SULLYING MY DIVINE BLOG WITH YOUR ENDLESS PRATTER!!!
I WILL NOW SMITE YOU ALL! PAY ATTENTION! YOUR SMITING WILL COME TO YOU WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK!!
You’ve got all your shit messed up, Josh. Don’t forget who brought up the dwarves(not midgets, idiot) in my vajayjay to begin with.
Paramount won’t option but I’ve been talking with United Artists(Cruise is desperate for a winner) and they’ve decided to option. You won’t see one red cent even though it was your idea. Lucifer with his big cock will see all the money I’ll be throwing around.
FACE!!
AND SHUT THE FUCK UP SATANUS! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT GEORGE CARLIN IS STILL WITH ME AND YOU HAVE A MINISCULE PENIS!
crap.
we’ve angered the divine bastard.
at least my post is no. 200
crap.
202.
God,
Any chance You can postpone my smiting until after July 25th? I got plans, God!!
I’m also still a little sore from my last smiting.
Dear Josh (or, as he is know to his co-workers) Dear Maker of Balloon Animals with His Own Genitalia;
Do not call Lucifer ‘Lucy’, he might hurt you. He doesn’t object to his other titles.
He has been known by many names: the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer, Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him ‘Dude.’
“dude”
i like that.
they pissed on your rug, dude.
Nun,
I submit to your FACE, that was funny.
I still hate Lucy though, but only because it’s God’s will.
Yo Yo,
That wasn’t funny. Maybe you should take some lessons from Nun. Think about it, if I could make balloon animals with my hanging fury, then my package would be huge. So how is your comment an insult? It isn’t. But the dude line was hilarious. More comments like “dude” and less like “balloon animal”
Josh
Josh,
Thanks for the feedback, you are correct, I should have payed more attention to the comments about your Throbbing Python Of Love. I got mixed up – I’m Balloon Man.
And Nun? You aren’t sore from the smiting, it’s all those little dwarf and hobbit feet kicking and scratching. Owie!
Silly Yo Yo. You must always defoot and dehand hobbits before inserting them into vajayjays.
I just get tired of all the smoking of their weed…. they done scorched up my vajayjay!!
Fucking drug addict hobbits.
I don’t blame you, Josh. I hate Lucy too. Fucking bitch never let Charlie Brown kick that damned football.
Nun, doesn’t the defooting hurt??
Reminds me of the Gerbil Ranch I was going to start. I was breeding epileptic gerbils and telling them salvation was at the end of a long dark tunnel. I even had Richard Gere lined up to do publicity.
Why didn’t Charlie Brown crotch-kick Lucy? “Whoops – I missed the football!”
Yo Yo,
Who cares if the defooting hurts, I’m not a hobbit. Just as long as they keep me happy, that’s all I care about.
Charlie Brown is a dumb-ass, that’s why he didn’t crotch-kick that evil bitch, Lucy.
I guess the hobbits didn’t feel the defooting, after they blazed up a fat boy. “Man, Gandalf got us the good stuff!” “Yeah, man, he said it’s mountain grown.”
Oh, I think they cried or something and I think they called me some names and prayed for Gandalf to save their appendages but what do I care? Just as long as my vajayjay is happy, right?
And God blessed me with sweet, sticky chiba chiba for the rest of my days(or until He smites me) so Gandalf ain’t got nothing on what I’ve got.
100 comments later and finally Bridgette posts a comment. I read this blog now solely to read what she has to say. I wish Bridgette would post more than one comment per blog though. Bridgette, you should start your own blog!!!
Really Tim? You no like God? You suck.
yeah, bridgette’s blog would be almost as funny; in the way we laugh AT fat people, not WITH them. Tim is the next to get smited for that comment.
And I read this as proof that I am superior to God.
Are fat people jolly? Or are they a seething, suety mass of anger, waiting to strike out with their podgy little fingers?
I’m sick and tired of fucking Los Angeles. City of Angels? My ass. More like city of fucking douchebags and theives. I hate the fucking Christians who come to the university and try to convert you (Douchebags!!). As if I didn’t have trouble keeping my own religion. I hate the fucking muslims coz they are so ugly and you know because they’re muslims (Douchebags!!). And last but not least some of the jews in America are really fucked up. Why? Because they lie and teal when it comes to making money and that just really pisses me off. God if there is something I like most is seeing you pissed off. Do me a favor and fuck los angeles over just like you fucked over Sodom and Gomorrah.
God…you need to be stopped.
http://twowhiteboys.com/2008/
Advertising blogs on God’s blog needs to be stopped.
Bananafish, you need to get laid. By a woman.
Lou I have a question to ask you.
Is islam for the damned? Was Muhammad tricked by you?
This isn’t “Lou’s Blog”, you know?
All we’ll be answered in due time. Meanwhile, Jews and Muslims should keep on engaging in meaningless war.
Answer the question cocksucker.
I don’t know if Jesus is around or not…
hey “pissedoffjew,” get the fuck out of here. loser. this is my territory.
I like God but only on this blog though.
dumfugvilpigbots hmmmmm
On this day, 21 September 2008, I, Smoggy Batzrubble of Noo Zillund, son of Mama Batzrubble (deceased in childbirth) and Papa Batzrubble (serial killer–executed), post this message in praise of Almighty God, the Omniscient, the Omnipotent, and the Fiercest SMITING Bastard in the universe, who has granted me a great victory in my contest with the Pagan Priestess Anne (spitting staples) Johnson.
For evidence to support my faith I refer you to “God on the Internet” postings 600 and 609.
Praise be to God. This message is posted on every thread in HIS honor.
Signed
Servant Smoggy
AMEN